Second time back here, this time it's the last

I failed to remove my addiction of PM last year. Although, during the time I was trying I met the love of my life. Our sex life is incredible and often better than masturbation, hence the PM not PMO. It helped me a lot to quit PM and I manage to last a few weeks without looking at porn. But with time and lack in effort I fell back into old habits. A lot of it was due to a form of depression I've come to understand I have. Not depression of happiness, I am a generally happy and positive person, but the depression that comes with having no job and poor financial situation. There aren't a lot of jobs available in the industry I have my degree in, especially in my area. I know the best way for me to get started is to go freelance but I've never been great at selling myself. And have doubts about my skills. I am lazy by nature, another realisation over the last year, and so do not practice my trade as often as I should. Instead I adopt hobbies, play video games and socialise. But whenever I reach a problem and I'm not fully invested in it I crawl back to what is comfortable for me, porn.

Porn has been my longest friend, since I was 12 (I am now 25). It has cost me greatly in all the ways you can imagine, including socially, financially and intellectually. I like to see myself as a smart guy. I have a first class honours degree, applied myself in and out of class, have multiple hobbies and are fairly good at most of them and anything I put my mind to. But like most of us I know my addiction is stopping me from being who I know I can be. No matter how much I want to break the surface it's a heavy weight pulling me down to the comfortable darkness of the ocean. I hate the deep sea.

There is a part of me that wants to continue porn and masturbation. It's a comfort to me when I'm bored or stuck with a problem or stressed. It also feels great. I guess that's why it's an addiction. I'm worried if I stop then nothing will fill the boredom void as easily as porn. My GF is okay with me masturbating but not watching porn. I told her about my addiction when we started dating and said I was cured. This was while I was doing well and not looking at a lot of porn. I thought if I excluded porn and masturbation, even here, from my mind then the addiction would cease to exist. It worked for a while. When I started watching porn again I came clean and told her. She was supportive but it made her really upset. I felt like I was cheating on her. She felt she wasn't good enough for me. I hated feeling like that and didn't want to make her feel like it again. So I am fearful for our relationship if I tell her I have fucked up once more. I know if I tell her that I haven't lost my addiction it would be hard on her but she would be supportive to help me stop. But there's a risk she wouldn't forgive me for telling her sooner. If I don't tell her and she finds out it could go horribly wrong. I think we love each other enough that we can overcome it but I'd rather not put a stain on our relationship because of it.

It's also affected my health. I PMOed yesterday and afterwards while urinating felt a terrible burning pain. I have felt it before but nothing like this. I think it was the final push I needed to commit to nofap again.

My worries are thus:

• Addiction affecting my good relationship with GF
• Not being able to find something to quench boredom as easily as porn
• Not being able to lose my attachment to my porn collection of 12+ years