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becoming a live-in slave

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Round Robin, May 22, 2018.

  1. Orest

    Orest Fapstronaut

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    what im saying above is how to fix your lifestyle,i mean,i heard you live in your parents house,if you read carefully what i write above you will be able to organize yourself(if you havent already) and get some things done,this will also help getting rid of your fetish because you wont feel like a loser anymore(if you feel like that)
     
  2. DiFaaprio

    DiFaaprio Fapstronaut

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    As a muslim you shouldve used this holy month to try and reset yourself
     
  3. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Facts

    @graham55 Eid Mubarak brother :)
     
    Arms.R.heavy likes this.
  4. Hoorak

    Hoorak Fapstronaut

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    Interesting. I will write now something which could be a surprise or a trigger, whatever. I got alot into femdom , basically was obssed with it , had fantasies for hours and itvwas a really hard thing ( the hardest) to stop watching it. But the number 1 reason why i watched was bc the woman were extremly hot to me. If not i would not be so interested into it. Yet i embrace patriarchy, so to say , if i would have an girlfriend i have the saying and u listen or we are done. A bit oldschool but i dont care, with emancipated woman i dont want to live, rather live alone. My mind started changing alot after months of abstience at then i actually reliased how woman behave this days. Its a long process, but i call it back to the roots
    Bit this addiction is hell, i dont watched anything related to fem.. for a year now and i got couple days ago alot of fantasies which lead me very close to relapse. It goes so slowly out of the brain. I still have not a desire for normal sex, well sometimes, only sometimes.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
  5. chapuleta

    chapuleta Fapstronaut

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    Hi, check my post about femdom and my pornography addiction, waht you say here is really what im sttrugling.

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/femdom-crush-fetish-cuckold-and-other-stuff.235521/
     
  6. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    14 days and pmod twice after searching for videos again for hours around blackmail and cei.

    A lot has changed since when I first started this thread, I no longer feel hopeless and think it was “my place” to be a slave to some old hag.

    It’s obviously due to my childhood and repeated abuse and trauma. So I’m committed to trying to heal and move on from this area.

    Maybe the answer has been hiding in plain sight all along? And that simply if you want to quit you can, no one forces you to do anything but if you decide it’s worth more to you to quit then commit and don’t look back.

    I’ve obviously tried this several times in the past which is why i think it’s ok to ask for help. When I get my finances sorted I will start looking at therapy again to work through my childhood trauma.

    It’s funny watching these videos now takes so long to find the right one because I finally see them for what they really are.

    Acting, porn induced fantasy, not reality, all stemmed from desentization to porn .

    90 days let’s go, day 0
     
    Master Chips and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  7. Hoorak

    Hoorak Fapstronaut

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    Take it seriously man , u are very deep into this , 90 days will probably will not be enough. I thought to that 90 days and im fine ---- wrong. Even after a year without anything watching related to this fetish i get crazy urges and fantasies, not to mention wet dreams to a femdom scene. This shit gets so sloely out of the head., i think of myself will i ever be normal and dont have this perverted desire just to want normal sex. This fetish drills im your mind deeper than anything it becomes a true obsession. But slow improvment is important step by step to glory,, hopefully
     
  8. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Glad to see you haven't given up. Keep moving!
     
  9. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    15 days, had a lapse today. It's weird because it feels like i'm kind of forcing it now. The material no longer has a charge or a 'hold' over me as it once did. I see through alot of the videos and can see how much of an illusion this industry is, with makeup, production and lighting etc.

    I decided and chose to lapse, after i spent a few hours watching videos, from checking my femdom email and browsing mistresses. I will delete everything and everything related to femdom, and never look back from today. But i will also go out and attempt to recondition through life real experiences with woman.

    You can't change the past, but i have to put it all behind me and go forward. Being the best i can be. Moving towards that rather than away from it. I might be in a bit of a grey area when it comes to my sexual tastes, that's fine i will work on that. But no more porn, no more femdom online.

    I just have this sick, fantasy i have to get rid off. I think the best way to do that, is it act like it's gone for good, making that decision, and it's pretty clear atleast in the 'online virtual' department, isn't going to be where i get what i truly desire whatever that might be.

    Onwards and upwards, i move on today, i take today as a blessing to finally let go of something that no longer serves me, and i go towards my dream and goals in life. To find a beutiful girl who loves and likes me for me, so lets go.

    Day 0 today, never looking back.
     
  10. Fightyourlowerself

    Fightyourlowerself Fapstronaut

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    Hey Graham, I think you would benefit from that book by Abu Hamid Al Ghazali called "Breaking the two desires". Look it up, you won't regret it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    NewLife44 and Master Chips like this.
  11. Golddis

    Golddis Fapstronaut

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    Relax Man its a crippling addiction but you will get over it.

    I was like you watched Femdom from 15->25, (27y now) heavily, eventually little by little I got over it.
    Those fantasies just amplify when you PMO frequently and your brain craves for more heavy stuff (CEI,Blackmail etc.)

    Have you noticed if you dont PMO for like 10 days you could easily get off just by watching Instagram photos or anything light?

    I still watched ocassionaly some Joi femdom in winter like <5 times but I knew I was kinda already over the addiction (I had previous NoFap brakes) now im 45 days into NoFap (longest), and those fantasies and all the images on my brain have faded off. Atleast the heaviest and more nasty stuff like CEI dont even seem appealing at all to me.

    I can feel inside me that my decision to not watch porn this time is final. I have gotten stronger every NoFap period.

    From reading all your posts you are getting stronger allso, dont stress about it you WILL beat this addiction. Im sure :)

    I think people who are submissive by their fantasies, it will allways stick it with you. But in healthy way.

    Normal sex feels better for me everyday, or more compelling.
    I would still prefer sex where girl dominates me but not in sick ways. You know facesitting and some stuff like that. Its in our nature that we want to be submissive in sex and there is nothing bad about it.

    The thing that is verybad is to binge watch some heavy porn all the time and pay online domi etc. Its not healthy and the fantasies just get uglier and uglier.


    You probably allso are bored in your life so your brain craves some exitement. Try to look for it elsewhere.
     
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  12. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    This is so true. I always notice that. But after a few jerks femdom is the only thing that works
     
    Master Chips likes this.
  13. Thanks!

    Stick how ?!

    But is it natural ? Is it easy to find such women ?
     
  14. Golddis

    Golddis Fapstronaut

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    I mean I can enjoy normal sex a with my partner. But I still get a bit more excited from acts where she is slightly more in control. Like when im licking him or she is sitting above me.

    And yes its normal to do stuff like this in long relationship or to ask partner. Those are not some extreme things.
    Its ok to have fantasies and stuff that get you more excited.

    But its not ok to have repulsive porn addiction where you watch damaging femdom videos to virtual girls frequently. Where you increase the intesity. The more you watch the more numb you get to normal stuff.
     
    Master Chips likes this.
  15. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    I realize this is too late for the op but anyone with this addiction do not do anything for real. There is a thread in my profile for curing masochism.
     
  16. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Wow, a lot has changed since i've last been on this site. My last session was a few hours ago. It was a blackmail cei, edging session. Iv'e had 3-4 lapses in the last few days. But it's ok.

    We will figure this out. I have changed alot.

    I started masturbating when i was 12. When i first start watching porn around the age of 12, it was very soft stuff, and it has since then escalated.

    As science suggests this is due to the natural de-sentization involved with pornography. Over time the same material is less arousing so you need more novelty to get the same high.

    I transitioned from soft material, to CBT (cock and ball torture) , ballbusting, humiliaton, breathplay, edging, cum eating, blackmail, forced intox, Before pornography i merely had a foot fetish.

    In early childhood i recall a movie scene of a women collaring a guy with her boot against a wall in a movie and i found it arousing.

    Another movie were the guy was on all fours as the women used him as stool. And a similar feeling. This was all due to me not feeling like i was enough to have a healthy ‘normal relationship’ possibly.

    During childhood from age 5-18 i was made to feel like something was wrong with me. I I was bullied at school, didn’t really have a social life, and was rejected and humiliated by the girls in school that i liked. This no doubt lead to deep marks and scars in my deep emotional baggage.

    This stayed till i started daygame. 5 years in, many experiences had, i still had the emotional baggage inside. I still felt the same way. And my addiction was getting worse.

    5 women in the world have videos of me masterbating to them on camera, due to my addiction of blackmail. Every time afterwards i would have instant regret, panic try and get them to delete it, swear i’d never do it again.

    It’s a very crazy feeling. Like you do something you know is going to destroy you, but you can’t help but do it. It’s like you’re “addicted”. I had a similar experience with cum eating.

    Alot has changed since i started this blog on page 1.
    I was convined my only purpose in life was to become a broken, slave to a mistress, living 24/7 in a cage, giving away all my income. Now i see things differently. I see this as an obstacle i need to overcome.

    Towards May 2019 i started to feel quite suicidal and was on the brink of taking my own life. I couldn’t handle the pain. I’m still here.

    It was around the same time, i’d started seeing a therapist/on and off it helped. I then started work with energy coaches, and many other specialists but it’s so damn hard to find people who are skilled in this area.

    A simple google search for “femdom addiction therapist” brings 10 links of videos enticing you back in.

    I am yet to find a single expert or individual who has been through and beaten this completely. I am determined to be the first or i will die trying and will prove for good that’s impossible.

    And slowly i’m moving forward, it’s a linear pathway that sometimes feels like 2 steps forward 1 step back but i’m commited to beating this and then helping others get out of the rut too.
     
  17. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    You need to stop doing the femdom for real. Some of the fetishes you described can make you suicidal if you increase serotonin enough after.
     
    NewLife44 likes this.
  18. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Followed him quite a bit, he has no intention to get better. It gets worse and worse each time. He never put in work to get better. I hope he had someone he knows to give him an intervention asap.
     
    Professor Abraham and fedmom like this.
  19. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I wish I had got help when I was in the addiction phase.
     
    Professor Abraham likes this.
  20. goingwithout

    goingwithout New Fapstronaut

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    I'm gay but I think the same principles apply. I used to pay guys for skype sessions. I don't anymore. The key is to change things. You have to change not only your actions but the way you think, too. The way you see yourself and others plays a huge part in this. That's something you can actively work on.

    What helped me big time was de-constructing the illusion. Because that's what these domme scenes are, illusion. These people are merely a canvas for you to project your fantasies on. They don't have any real power. They just play the act you're paying them for. It's all fake.

    I've chatted to a lot of these online doms and what I found is: Behind everything this person posing as "a master" is just another guy desperate to make ends meet. Maybe not capable to get or hold a steady job. Maybe mentally unstable. Maybe just immature and lazy. Maybe simply lacking focus and direction to do something meaningful with his life.
    Whatever it was, on closer look they were not these admirable personas they were playing on cam. Just average people, with flaws, insecurities, struggles etc. just as you, me and everybody else.

    I realized I was looking for something that's not there. It was mainly ME keeping up the illusion and stopping to do that and getting a realistic view on what was going on was a huge factor in making this fetish lose power.

    I've experienced the other side, too. A guy messaged me on skype and wanted me to be his master. He wanted me to give him humiliating tasks on cam. It was easy money and all I had to do was acting like a jerk. Of course that wasn't me. But he wanted me to play this part and I did. To him I was this ideal of masculinity that he had built in his head. But that's all it was. I never meant anything I said. I was acting. Lying.
    As I see it from my own experience, being a dom is just another sort of prostitution. Anyway, it turned out to be hard for me to stop. I learned what phrases to use and so on and for a while had multiple guys paying me money for basically nothing. It can be a power rush, too. It was kind of like an addiction.
    I'm glad I got out.

    So I recommend you start analyzing. Break the illusion and change your actions, have good and healthy interaction with real people and I believe you can break your habits.
     

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