If you're going through hell, keep going.

Thanks man! I like that saying too. I still peek a few times but refuse to masturbate anymore. I know it’s gonna take a while to get rid of that habit. That’s harder than having to stop masturbating for some reason ..

 

I'm in the same boat man. I've not jerked off to porn for 150 days, yet I'm only 6 days clean of not looking at it at all. It's like your addicted part knows when you're not even looking, it's days are numbered. But when you're still peeking it thinks you just take a break.

 

Yeah, I mean I have a good streak of about three weeks going and I feel great from not looking and then I get so HAPPY that I want to look at it again. There has to be some sort of psychological reason for this. I am not sure if my mind equates happiness with watching porn when I am in a good mood instead of doing something else. We have to really try and put something in place of that as much as we can I guess.

 

I did this for a long time, too, with P-subs. I finally realized I was harming my brain and my life in the same way through P-subs, even though I had been free of PM for over 200 days. I am working on my first month of absolutely no P-subs whatsoever, and it has made a huge difference. I finally feel like my mind is completely free. This is the path I plan to stay on now for the long haul. One day at a time!

 

"If you're going through Hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there"

 

Bro, I know exactly what you mean. I've only been able to go 15 days max and just recently, small intervals of just 1 week. It's like I get so happy that I've went a good amount of time of not masturbating so my mind tells me "go ahead, you deserve it. Just one time won't hurt.". And then it turns into a binge fest. Then I start doing it again everyday because another part of mind tells me that I just fucked up the streak I just had so what difference does it make if I just keep breaking it at this point.

I just came back from a relapse and obviously i'm here on the website now to gain leverage on myself and keep going.

This is just so god damn hard

 

When you're happy your brain basically tells you that your life is stable enough right now. Happiness makes you foolish which is ok, because when your life is stable you can allow yourself a mistake or two. That's why you feel less worried about watching porn in that state. But of course the implications are huge.
For me, when I betray myself these days, no matter how happy I felt before, I'm being sent straight into a hell-pit of shit feelings for at least the rest of the day.

 

Your correct. only pure Willpower can destroy PMO. the issue is that developing the willpower is difficult...

 

In fact, I'd say the addiction has spread all over your mind's reward centers; so almost any random emotion might be rewired off into "well guess it's time to PMO". That's what addictions do, like a cancer they greedily siphon off useful energy into feeding themselves. So you might even feel like crud all day for a while as you rewire those. It can't be helped. I find that going "super hard mode" actually makes it easier rather than harder, because it actively rewires your brain. By super hard mode I mean you choose every instant not even look at or fantasize about anything that excites this addiction.
PMO is a sequence, but it's an incomplete sequence. Before PMO, first you start fantasizing or looking, then there's rising excitation, then a commitment to give in to the addiction, then and only then PMO. The more excited the addicted animal gets, the harder it is for your rational mind to say no. Super hard mode cuts the chain before any excitation rises, so it's always easier to say no.