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how and should I disclose

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by hitnmis, May 31, 2019.

  1. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    my girlfriend of eighteen years has broken up with me we are still living I'm the same house till it gets sold and she's moving out of state we have other problems but I never told her about p mo what should I do
     
  2. Are you trying to save the relationship? What were the reasons she broke up with you, if you don't mind me asking?
     
    Mourde likes this.
  3. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    yes I an trying to save us she said she tired of playing second fiddle, me out with friends drinking and she says she has no friend and I have pied last time I couldn't function she asked if it was her
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
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  4. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    If she is willing to save the relationship I would talk to her about it. If she is someone you care deeply for then have a sit down heart to heart with her about the relationship. No woman wants to be second to anything so you have to think about what your priorities are! So maybe sit down with her and let her know you want to save the relationship and maybe let her know what you ate going to do to save it! A good line of communication is a great start! Good luck!
     
    Hopefulgirl and Deleted Account like this.
  5. Faceplanter

    Faceplanter Fapstronaut

    Listen, I want to tell you to take the time and be honest and open about your PMO with her. Yeah, you could argue that if the relationship is ending you don't have to. You could argue that you can save the relationship easier if you don't tell her. Both may be true...but this is also a perfect opportunity to practice being honest when it's hard to do.....if it blows up on you, you move on. But, maybe, it helps the relationship too.

    Her finding out later will *not* help.....nope, nope, nope.

    Don't get me wrong, I'd be scared shitless. Still the right thing to do.
     
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  6. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    I told her I wanted to save the relationship she says she needs time and space I have been doing everything I can but she said I'm nice awhile and always I'm back to my ways
     
    fadedfidelity likes this.
  7. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    I am scared to death I love her so much I don't know if she knows about my pmo and if she is trying to flush me out
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
  8. Mourde

    Mourde Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree with @Faceplanter cause the old saying goes the truth will set you free and if she see's your being open and honest that could give her hope that your willing to change! And yes it is scary but you have to face your fears to achieve your goals in life!
     
  9. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    thanks guys I need to sleep on it and ask her tomorrow if there is any way I can save the relationship
     
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  10. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    Well this morning i asked my girlfriend if there was anything i could do or say to save our relationship.
    She replied , no not at this time , and she went on to say maybe she is being selfish but this i was she needs to do to find out who she is, she was married 20 years... a mother of two and with me for 18.
    so i have decided to let her go.. so she can do what she needs, this is bigger than me and all about her.
    We are still living together
    shes moving,
    so i have accepted this and are civil.
    Although not very easy I have no control over her.
    I have quit drinking may 10 and quit pot all for good and Im here
    Pretty strange that I feel good, just some days its hard to bear, i love her.
    I will let god guide me for now on.
    see ya in 40+
    Out
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2019
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  11. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    I just texted my girlfriend and told her to let me know when she got home.
    when she does im going to tell her that i have something i want to say, talk to her about tonight.
    Im doing this so she will ask me whats up and so i wont chicken out.
    I need to tell her the truth the shame and be honest with her.
    Im scared to death
    please i need some help how do i go about this!!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  12. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    been reading this thread and i have decided to be honest with my girlfriend.
    I need help
     
    htxgirl and Deleted Account like this.
  13. I'd suggest brutal honesty but in a caring way. There are ways to disclose and I believe @Kenzi has some links on that and info.

    Prayers to you both and be strong.
     
  14. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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    you dont think it will harm her more as she is moving anyway?
    or maybe she knows and is why she is moving. I dont want to do it just to get it off my chest
    Im really waffling
     
  15. Let her know you have a problem and love her and need to share with her. You want help and are working on it. Any questions she has, answer them. Let the conversation lead itself. If she gets upset comfort her and respect if she yells at you, let her process her emotions. Dont flip out or get defensive.
     
    Faceplanter likes this.
  16. She knows some I'm sure. She deserves to know. And it may very well open her eyes that the relationship is the way it is because of your addiction, not because of who you truly are.
     
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  17. hitnmis

    hitnmis Fapstronaut

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  18. Welcome! Best wishes!
     
    Faceplanter likes this.

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