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Escort or M/O?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by briguy71, May 22, 2019.

  1. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

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    I believe this question was recently asked but I would like some advice? My goal now that I have done plenty of researching on Nofap and semen retention is to cut my ejaculations to no more than 2 times a month.. Once a month would be even better.. The last time I masturbated was March 31 2019.. Between April 13 and May 19 I have ejaculated 4 times all with escorts.. taking money out of the equation and the possibility of getting STD from escort out of the equation.. Am I better off masturbating to fantasy than seeing a escort the 2 times I ejaculate a month?
     
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I think paying prostituted women for sex is wrong. If your plan is to orgasm once or twice a month then stick with masturbation or sex with someone you love. When you masturbate you do not have to fantasise, you could make it all about focussing on the sensations.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2019
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  3. If you need to choose between the two, MO please. Stay away from the escorts. They are more addicting than porn in my opinion.
     
  4. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Hey @briguy71, I have a couple replies to your post:
    • First off, one cannot take money and risk out of the question when talking about escorts. As recovery is essentially about meeting our lives with greater honesty and appropriateness, this seems a dubious qualification to make regarding the decision at hand.
    • As for the matter of 'better off', I suggest asking which of the two possibilities leads you closer to sobriety? Put another way, which points you in the direction of sanity and health? Given the first item noted above, my sense of which might be which is pretty clear. It is, however, up to you...
    Wishing you all the best...
     
    Dizzy Lotus likes this.
  5. 630

    630 Fapstronaut

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    I can really relate to this dilemma and post and which is worse in a damage control sense. Today, after several successful days, I had insane urges to get off, and made plans to meet an escort. I ended up masturbating instead and then cancelled, and felt it was the better choice, although neither is part of my reboot.

    For those recovering from forms of both porn, masturbation, and sex addiction, I've felt there are times when masturbating has stopped me from having sex or meeting up with someone I would regret later. My goal now is to be in control of my sexual energy to not need permiscuous outlets.
     
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  6. markustint

    markustint Fapstronaut

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    I'm going through the same thing at the moment.

    I know going to the escorts is bad. I like browsing and reading reviews about their service. The only way to stop myself going to see them is to masturbate that moment. As soon as I O, I know that was a mistake. It's amazing how clear we can think after MO.
     
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  7. The Dave

    The Dave Fapstronaut

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    Escorts are only after your money and the whole thing turns into a hollow transaction, the deal is massively detrimental to both parties, no matter how we dress it up its usually supporting a cycle of substance abuse and coercion, its the bed rock of human trafficking and modern day slavery, it perpetuates violence and tragically mostly violence against women and young girls, theres the risk of infection and criminal prosecution, the very real risk of violence and robbery against yourself, the list of reasons is endless. dont demean yourself by paying for sex.

    Save your money, go on holiday, buy a nice watch, learn how to drive, take up a martial art or get a gym membership instead, donate your time Md money to a charity instead.
     
  8. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

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    And to be honest I have been spending way too much money lately on escorts... I haven't looked at porn on online in a few weeks and I am never tempted too so I thought I was doing in good in that aspect but now im realizing browsing escort websites and leolist ads for escorts 4 or 5 times a weeks is just as bad as watching porn and I need to stop doing that as well
     
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  9. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    For me, looking at escort sites and ads (and several other activities) are simply porn substitutes (psubs). They are another route through which this addiction can express and keep itself alive. Consequently, like you, "I need to stop doing that as well."
     
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  10. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Dave Ramsey would probably reccomend you beat off if the choice were just these two.
     
  11. This. paying for an escort is wrong.
     
  12. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    I agree with everyone replying. I just wanted to add another point. Your personal safety.

    An escort could drug you, blackmail you, scope out your house to have her pimp rob you later.

    A month ago a girl on tinder wanted to go out and hook up. When I come to pick her up at her house she kept insisting that I take "ecstasy". I refused. Then said she needed money for a "babysitter" for her kid before going out for a date. I gave her some like an idiot because I wanted to fuck and she was hot.

    When she left to give the money to her babysitter. Her pimp came out and said he was her father and she was only 16 and he was going to press charges and wanted money to make things go away. I just said whatever and drove away.

    My point is their goal was to drug me and really rob me of everything. By seeking out an escort you are going down a dangerous path.
     
    William Wallace likes this.
  13. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

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    ive seen 50 escorts and Ive never been drugged or robbed.. Online escort review boards and sharing information have lead me to see for the most part professional and classy escorts... It has been said a few times in this thread but I will repeat what has been said..it is a addictive habit... Why? Because I was having sex with beautiful sexy women... Women who are better looking and in better shape than women I would meet off dating sites... And if you know what the Girlfriend Experience is..some of these escorts are good at their jobs and they do make it feel like your with a girlfriend.. I wont promise Ill never see a escort again but I haven't looked at any escort ads since I started this thread and ideally I never will again...
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. over50

    over50 Fapstronaut

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    This is really a tough question. From a porn addiction perspective it's most likely neither nor.
    But if there is no other way, then I guess it depends on a moral question and I feel that I have no right to tell you what's morally right or wrong as it very much depends on your individual situation. In some cases, meeting an escort is the only way to get any kind of sexual relationship that involves another person. Being married in a sexless marriage could be such a situation. Also, most escorts are not forced to do the job but are OK with doing sex work in order to make a lot of money in a very short period of time (depending on the place you are living in of course).
     
  15. Kotn

    Kotn Fapstronaut

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    tldr: Escorts are a shortcut. There is a reason you can't get with desirable girls. Take the time from reboot to work on yourself.

    Thanks for reading my earlier post. I don't think it's addictive because you are having sex with hot girls. It's addictive because it allows you to escape reality. It allows you to escape yourself. The harsh truth is that right now you are not desirable to beautiful girls. Escorts therefore allow you to subvert that reality. You might be overweight, socially inept, have a dead-end job, no savings, no career. Whatever the reason, escorts allow you to forget about all that and enjoy the reward without the work.

    You said that escorts allow you to meet "Women who are better looking and in better shape than women I would meet off dating sites..."

    I've spent a lot of time on dating sites. There are so many beautiful, successful, and intelligent women on there. But they are very highly selective and have a high standard for men. They have every right to be. They have no reason to settle for less. My point is that in order to meet their high standard you're going to have to improve yourself. The longer you use escorts the longer you put it off.
     
    William Wallace likes this.
  16. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

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    Yes this is true... The majority of the escorts Ive seen are over 30... And once you see one a few times it is not just wham bam thank you mam... The ones who are good they are not kicking you out after the deed is done... There is small talk and chit chat and talking about everyday daily life... id never say or claim they love spending time with me but I don't think they detest it either... And they do appreciate the nice guys with good hygiene who are not pushy and respectful.. Many of then retire but more often than not they come back to the profession because they miss or need the money...
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  17. The Dave

    The Dave Fapstronaut

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    I think thats just good customer service.
    Id Ask myself, would they really be spending their time with me unless i was paying for it? If not, then id have to have more respect for myself.

    Like i said, dont judge escorts or them who use their services, Im just giving a reality check.
     
  18. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Escorts < MO without P < hookups with girls actually attracted to you < GF/Wife ... imo.

    Escorts can become quite addictive. The process of browsing ads and picking one, or more specifically the rush and anticipation it creates, is very similar to PMO in my opinion. You also have to consider the anxiety you'll get regarding STDs (condoms don't protect you from everything). Yes you can get STDs from regular hookups but escorts are generally considered high exposure individuals. Lastly, you never know if you're supporting human trafficking, abusive pimp or drug addictions with your money.
     
    Kotn likes this.
  19. briguy71

    briguy71 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely... The thrill in setting up a appointment with a escort ive never seen before and has gotten good reviews online it is a rush of anticipation the getting in the car.. driving to the appointment... and when Im in the apartment elevator going up to her incall place is when my heart starts pounding...
     
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  20. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    Yep, as well as the 'tunnel vision' you get the entire time until you finish. After finishing the deed you feel great shame and generally awful. When I had a girlfriend years ago I never felt that way after sex. I felt great, I felt like a man who was loved, a man who was worthy. Escorts will never make you feel that way as they aren't actually attracted to you, only your money. They will never replace genuine intimacy with a loved one.

    To be honest I think escorts and pmo are one and the same addiction-wise, and anybody committing to do NOFAP for the sake of ending porn addiction is doing themselves a disservice by visiting escorts. Case in point I began nofap to quit my porn addiction but later found myself fighting both porn and sex addiction. Things are under control now as I've managed to not visit escorts in a very long time.
     
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