Another New Guy

Hello! Obviously I'm new here. I have spent many, many years masturbating to porn, and more (chatting, phone sex, camming, etc), and am at a point where I just want to stop. I want it to stop negatively affecting my marriage and sex life. I want to be more productive and not feel like shit because I have spent all day masturbating and have done nothing else. I want to stop falling behind on work because I've been masturbating all day, and frantically trying to meet deadlines I've pushed off so I could get off, when half the time I wasn't even horny.

I have watched a few youtube videos on the topic and have started, consciously as of yesterday, NoFap. The last time I masturbated was on Friday, so I am currently on day 4 of my NoFap journey. I've already been a bit more productive, did some spring cleaning, organized my home office, made some appointments I've been putting off. I'm feeling good so far. I'm ready to focus on other things besides online porn. I'm coming here seeking support and like-minded people going through the same, because even though I am 100% motivated right now with no urge to pull up porn and masturbate, I know that the urge will strike at sometime.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I look forward to being a part of this site.

 

I am still kind of working through all that, which is a big reason why I am here. I basically made the conscious decision myself to make this change in my life, but wanted to see what was online as far as support and information. I think my last time doing NoFap I made it to almost 90 days and then I relapsed. Slowly at first, justifying it to myself each time that it was isolated and maybe doing it now and again would actually be good for my sex life (last longer, etc) but it seemed like the more I did it, the worse I felt afterwards. Just guilty, lazy, just like garbage. So I am here to hopefully find help and inspiration in other people's stories. I tried this solo once and obviously it didn't stick.

Staying committed regardless of circumstance. That is a great point. I have justified my masturbation in the past because my wife and I weren't having sex for one reason or another for several days. My thinking was why would I make this commitment to try to improve my sex life if we're not having sex! But seeing as in my previous marriage I had sex maybe once a month, going a week without sex in my current marriage is nothing. It is just an excuse and reason for me to get back online and feed that urge. The truth is my wife LOVES sex and wants it often most of the time, and I want to be able to give it to her without having all these problems.

One thing I am doing to keep on track during the work week is increased communication with my wife. A lot of the reason I slip back into old habits is because there are times during our workdays we don't talk for 8-10 hours straight and I get lonely. This had led me not only to porn but into online relationships with strangers over Skype, etc which these days can be dangerous and end up getting you blackmailed. So a quick text to my wife letting her know I'm thinking about her, and the 10 minute conversation that follows, can get me back on track and refocused on work or whatever else I'm doing.

As I mentioned, I'm also doing this for me. I just want to feel like a better, productive, 'normal' person and not a lazy piece of garbage, which is how I feel when I make plans for getting things done during the day and then spend the whole day online. Just in the few hours of productivity I had yesterday I feel so much better about myself, and trying to stick with those productive habits will be a great way for me to stay on track. Instead of logging on and looking at porn for an hour, pick a room and clean it, do a load or two of laundry, catch up on some phone calls I need to make. Feeling 'on top of things' is so much better than feeling like garbage because I've wasted yet another day.

I'm trying to steer clear of triggers for me which have been video games, sexual content in movies and TV, and social media. I haven't deleted Instagram and Facebook off of my phone because I do use them to keep in touch with my friends and family, however I have moved them into a folder and only go into them if I need to. I used to pull up Instagram on a regular basis and see something that would trigger me to want to PMO. That is the worst one for me.