Waiting for marriage but fapping?

Of course... I really don't understand what's hard to grasp about that.

If you save yourself for marriage, you will not have STDs. That's just a fact.

And pregnancy within a marriage is FAR less of a negative risk than pregnancy outside of marriage. There are SO many risks when it comes to getting pregnant outside of marriage. Either you could end up a single parent, which has a lot of negative effects on a child, or you could end up marrying someone you aren't sure you even want to marry, simply because you're stuck with them now if you want to remain a solid family for the child. Which is also not good for anybody. Even if you part ways amicably, you could still find yourself in a nasty custody battle, having to deal with step parents and how those relationships should interact, etc.

None of those risks exist anymore if you're already in a loving, committed marriage. Having a baby, even if you don't feel quite ready for it or weren't planning on it, is FAR less of a scary ordeal when you're in a committed marriage.

So yeah, obviously those risks are no longer risks if you both wait until marriage to have sex. I'm flabbergasted that that actually needs to be explained.

 

Oh well ok then. But this would be under the assumption that your partner also would be saving him/her self for marriage. And flabbergasted? Really? Lol its all good, i didnt know we were making that assumption at all. Thats not really how life works, sometimes your partner isnt a virgin unless you specifically exclude a potential partner if hes not a virgin which is interesting.

Also unplanned pregancies are still a risk in marriage. What if a couple cant afford a kid, and become pregnant? And what if that couple doesnt believe in abortions? Then youre in a tight spot tbh.

Ive met people who have had kids on accident and it was a terrible thing at first and turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to them. And i dont think a kid growing up with a single mother would have drastic effects on their well-being. Some people that were just a fling hook up, have a baby, get married, and live happily ever after

 

@Castielle also sex outside of marriage isnt ridden w stds and pregnancies. I think you'll find a considerably large amount of time you end up w no STDs or kids otw. But these cases do happen once in a while, especially when people have unprotected sex but thats a risk they choose.

Know what im saying?

 

Well if we are talking about the benefits of waiting until marriage for sex, then yes, I'm assuming we are talking about both parties waiting until marriage to have sex....

I would not refuse to date someone who isn't a virgin, but I don't know that I would date someone who has STDs. If I'm respecting my body and my future sexual relationship with my spouse by not having sex outside of marriage, then why is it unreasonable for me to expect them to do the same? Am I not allowed to have standards? And by the way, it was pretty dang easy for me to find a man who also values purity, and we were both virgins on our wedding night, so... yeah. It's not that unrealistic, actually.

As I clearly said it is a WAYYYY smaller risk. Astronomically smaller. Obviouslt there will always be risks if you're having sex and aren't ready for kids, but being married minimizes those risks tenfold. Trust me, as someone who is so completely not ready for kids, either financially or emotionally or physically, I know I could handle it, because my husband and I would get through it together. Trying to compare the risks of pregnancy between a married couple and a single woman is quite silly, in my opinion. It's apples and oranges. They're not even close.

Yeah, yeah, anecdotal outliers. Sure. People's lives aren't going to be completely ruined by having kids outside if marriage. But to try to pretend that there aren't so many more, and much higher, risks to unplanned single pregnancy versus unplanned married pregnancy is ridiculous. It's just not true. If you want to say it's fine to have sex outside of marriage, that's fine. That's completely your choice. But you cannot pretend what I'm saying isn't factually true. It just is. It's not about religion or what is morally right or wrong. It's just logical.

Nobody in their right mind would say that the IDEAL family situation would be a single mother or parents who are co-raising a child from different homes. Nobody. Can those people make the most out of that situation and be good parents and raise a happy, healthy kid? Of course! But you cannot tell me that's the ideal picture of a healthy home. Statistics prove that completely false.

 

I literally never said it was.

You will not convince me that having sex outside of marriage is okay, or a wise idea. It's not. There are tons of risks, and not just STDs and pregnancy. Clearly you disagree, and I don't really see any point in continuing to talk to you about it. We've had essentially this same conversation dozens of times, and you refuse to see or admit the dangers of casual sex, so there's really no point in me wasting my breath.

 

Okay! Have a good one then. I originally didn't think we were talking about both sides being virgins, and yes in that case it is safer technically. Im just gonna say life is full of risks and if you don't take any risks, you aren't really living imo. That may sound stupid, but i think it's an important rule for me. But I'm not trying to start anything so I'm moonwalking outta here.

And just to be clear, im just stating my point of view. Im not trying to influence your decision making, im a live and let live kinda person

 

I can comprehend the idea & the reasons, but I'm w you.

It depends. From a religious context, sex outside of marriage isnt allowed (i was raised catholic, idk about other religions to much). & so people get it engrained in their brain that its forbidden and they release that sexual outlet elsewhere, pornography. Truth is, there is no logic in it. Especially bc that's breaking a 10 commandment sin i believe.

Non religiously, porn is publicly viewed as safe. So somebody who fears STDs and unplanned preganancies would avoid sex until they've met the right person, but would view porn bc its viewed as a safe alternative. But it's not. In some ways, its worse.

 

Objectively speaking, porn/masturbation addict = panthetic loser, and
somebody who has sex before marriage = probably not a pathetic loser

So although I am christian, I would WAY prefer to lose my virginity before getting married, than continue using porn. But I would want to lose my virginity with someone who I loved and thought I would probably eventually marry.

 

Nice thought process my dude. And how do you greet the distinguished fapstronaut thing,

 

I am quite surprised at this, as it is the opposite to what I expected. From the Christian point of view, you would rather commit actual fornication than faux fornication (in your heart). That doesn't make sense scripturally. The way you worded it also implies that this sex before marriage might even occur before you proposed. Are you serious? Can you explain?

 

I dont wanna speak for this man, but he explained it perfectly. Its a pick your poison and ill choose the same thing he was saying

 

Cheers. Serve as a mod then quit if you want my badge

@IGY what would be more damaging to myself and others: more years of porn addiction, or a sexual relationship with someone I love and who loves me? Maybe this isn’t the correct biblical point of view but tbh I don’t care

 

Honestly, I agree with that. And they are both sins, that God views equally, so there is no need to try to decide which one is better or worse to commit. They are the same. God says if you look at a woman with lust, it's as if you've committed adultery with her in your heart. That's no different than having sex outside of marriage.

 

Nothing in scripture indicates that fornication is the same as lustful thoughts. Actual fornication is one of the most serious sins against God.

 

What about the verse I just quoted that says when you look at a woman with just, it's as if you've already committed adultery with her in your heart? How is that not claiming that lust and adultery are the same? God knows our hearts. That's what he judges us on.

 

All the lists of serious sins, where fornication is listed it is illicit sex that is referred to, not lust or inner desires. There is no punishment for sins of the heart in the bible.

 

To use an example with something else, we harbour anger in our hearts towards another person. Yet there is no punishment for this. But acts of violence are punishable in the bible. Our actions are the most serious sins of all.

 

You're just ignoring the verse I mentioned, though. Explain what that verse means, then. Because it seems clear to me.

 

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment."
- Matthew 5:21-22

A little later...

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

 

Yeah, someone who is angry with a brother or a sister. The implication is that there is some action occurring. He does not say anyone who feels angry about a brother or a sister.