Having a high sex drive VS. not getting enough sex

This may not apply here, but here it goes.

The line isn't so thin. Sex isn't the end-all, be-all. It is certainly nice and can enhance a relationship, but if it isn't fulfilling why force it?

I must say first, a person certainly can not adequately evaluate whether they have a high sex drive or not if they are actively engaging in PMO. It would take 60-90days free minimum, imho, to be clear headed enough to evaluate such a thing. One would already have learned to bade triggers and have self control enough to see what was really governing personal desires.

How could a person know thier sex drive if theve been counterfeiting it's drive responses frequently? PMO decieves the mind.

2nd if PMO influence is out of the picture then I ask what is keeping one from being fulfilled? Often times craving sex is a cry for some other kind of connection or intimacy wherein is lacking. We believe we need sex because we need to connect somehow. If our immature expression of deep heartfealt connection and intimacy is always sex than we may never be satisfied. There are other ways to become connected that are as intense and rewarding as sex. Maybe you both could explore what those are.

Finally, 3rd, "not getting enough sex' can be born out of control or resentment. If we were to use our partner for mere sexual gratification and little else we are no different than wanking to webwhores. I don't think sex should really be about our needs anyway if we are doing it right. Easier said than done. It is an expression of giving, based out of love. When it becomes selfish or owed, it can't be fulfilling.
Also when resentment creeps into a relationship it's easy to thin our partner NEEDS to much sex or we are NOT GETTING IT ENOUGH. Heal the resentments, show kindness, be patient and loving and this question is really a non issue.

I have plenty more to say on this topic, but here is a start.

Also what I didn't gather from your OP, is it you or her that has the high sex drive. And who is not getting enough?

Best of luck.

 

i’ve been wondering the same thing. excellent response by reverent

Also @justafriend

this is what u was wondering. i guess it’s possible to love then lust or lust then love. Hopefully whichever way it is, love will always be number one

 

I have quite a high sex drive, most of the time, as does my wife. There were many reasons I became an addict, but I realised that a major one was control. I didn't want to have to depend on someone else and opportunity in order to have that need realised. PMO was, in the beginning, me taking control over my own sexual gratification. Which then led to an addiction, when meant losing control; isn't that ironic.

I realised after a while that sex was only fulfilling if both my wife and myself enjoyed the event. Otherwise, it just led to more issues. My wife, like many women, I assume, don't want to be used in a relationship for sex. Sex was to be a reflection of the level of emotional intimacy that poured into physical intimacy. In the new relationship phase, they overlap because of excitement, but after a while it requires some effort.

This means that I had to work hard on areas within the relationship itself in order to have a fulfilling intimate session, which generally led to more. Which satisfied both my wife and myself's sex drive. Being addicted, focuses our mind on a single outcome and makes our actions geared towards that purpose. That's where lust, even within a loving relationship, can form, fester and corrupt.

 

noted thank you, i will remember this for the future. Awesome advice