PA here, trying to quit and save my marriage

Welcome to the community.

 

You have my prayers and support. Our wives are worth fighting for! Stay strong

 

This is a fantastic reason to work on your addiction. Welcome to the community! I can't emphasize enough how much you need some good accountability friends in this. Your resolve is going to wane, and when you turn back into Mr Hyde, you need a friend who's willing to stand between you and porn and wrestle you to the ground.

 

The first step! Welcome.
Keep thinking and reading so as to find your path through this. I always recommend the Success Stories forum for inspiration and tips..

 

The enemy wants to win as much as you do. Why attack you in your strong place? Temptation is gonna come more when you're more likely to give in.

 

Maybe we should divide 'me' a little. I have competing elements within me. I even had the experience today of feeling fine, but a little boredom led me to start thinking about the things I don't even want anymore. Crazy.
I accept this situation.

 

Welcome! NoFap is a great place to read and learn and find a community of like-minded folks..all trying to kick the PM'ing habit/addiction -- and then deal with all the negative fallout of porn's devastating affect on our SO's (and on us).

I encourage you to start a journal..and write in it daily.

Find an accountability partner (or 2 or 3).

Read, read, read! There are so many great articles and YouTube videos all about porn and Recovery from PA.

The forum about Rebooting in a Relationship is a great resource to read about other PA's and other SO's struggling through the long journey of recovery.

I am glad you are here. You are among friends; we are all walking this difficult path together.

 

On the one hand, it sounds like your wife doesn't understand the male sex drive at all.
On the other hand, you're making things a lot harder for yourself than they have to be, by being dishonest with her. She knows you're lying, she just doesn't know how much. And because she knows you're lying, she's having to fill in the blanks on "how much". Be transparent with her, so that instead of hiding from her, she can help you.
...Of course, she needs to help you, not just shame you. Which is where her being educated about male sex drive comes in.

At least, that's what it seems like from what you posted. Maybe I read into it too much.

 

Vapid I think it is so awesome your humbled effort to try and save your marriage! As you know I’m on the other side of this battle. My best advice is to turn to your wife not away from her. Kiss her 15 seconds everyday, call her in the afternoon and tell her you needed to hear her voice, take care of her needs sexually, put her first in every way.

My partner does all of the above. Though our sex life is struggling due to PA I know without a doubt this man loves me. All of me. I don’t view his addiction as a problem with myself, or my looks. I did a little at first because I was struggling with my own insecurities. When I brought up my insecurities about my weight he encouraged me everyday to exercise. He praised me a million times a day and he ran/walked with me. This is why it took me so long to see the the PA because he has never for a single second failed to follow through with his word.

If you make this your effort everyday your wife will know even in the unknown, the fear, anger, temptation, that she will never find a man who loves her more. When a woman feels loved beyond anything she has ever dreamed she will love you that way in return. This makes it hard for her to turn away and makes it easier to understand your battle.

I hope this helps in some way. Keep your eye on your wife! Good luck

 

I'm at the start of my journey so I may not be the best person to offer any advice...as such please take what I say as completely amateur.

I think you need to open up to your wife, tell her that you are here, it will show that you are trying to change and come to terms with your addiction. One piece of advice that always sticks with me is that when you have an argument with your partner, remember always that it is not you Vs them...it should be both of you Vs the problem. You are in a relationship...not a competition, you don't get points for being first. I've learned from experience and my current predicament that 'not' talking about things and opening up to those you love is never going to solve your problems, if you love each other you can work through it.

 

Good for you bro, yeah we share some of the same backstory and I can’t say enough good for the community here. It really is opening my eyes.

Already some good posts here. I would say that you know your wife and the situation. You may be operating by fear to a degree but it’s ok.

I’ve been here for only a couple weeks but I have never Had the results like I have been having. I’m not jinxing anything but I know my AP has really helped. Having counsel from non-judging ppl has helped, not having to defend yourself but instead just say how you think in a journal has helped organize the thoughts.

This is where I’ve come for healing— and so much of how we respond to stress is dictated by our emotion or trauma, I hope you can sense this is huge step just sharing online.

You got this man.

 

YES! That IS a great start...keep going / make a decision NOW what you are going to do when you feel that strong draw back to porn..have a plan and reach out for support when you need to.

..

It looks like our counters are aligned. Let's see if we can get 10 days up to 100 days. We can do it.

 

I am also new to NoFap. In a similar situation. I’d like to follow your story. Very sympathetic.