BostonJohnny

Hello to everyone.

I've been lurking around for a while and finally decided I need to join this community. I've been dealing with sex and porn addiction for the better part of 40 years. About 5 years ago I owned up to it, although I knew a lot longer than that.

I've been attending a 12 step SA program for about 5 years and have had periodic success with short term sobriety, but have never gone past 60 days. I was at about 40 days until a few hours ago, when I acted out with self and I'm starting from Day 0. Right now I'm in that numb phase after acting out and before the shame starts. In a few hours, I expect I'll feel kind of shitty.

I'm learning I can abstain from M and O easier than from P. I've read some really interesting stuff about how this impacts the brain and why the first 100 days or so (probably different for everyone) is so difficult.

I'm hoping I can find some new ideas, fellowship, and strength here. I have to admit, I'm pretty frustrated at the moment.

Be strong everyone!!! I have seen success stories and I know one day I will be one of them... but I can't do this alone. Thanks in advance for all the help.