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How Do You Deal with Worry?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by withhopesofstartingover, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. We're all on this site because we have a poor relationship with porn and masturbation, but I think if we're all honest with ourselves there's a reason we fell into this hole in the first place. As I've been abstaining from PMO, I've realised that I was using porn to deal with the natural ebbs and flows in my life. What I've always been subconsciously aware of is that I worry to the point of obsession and I think porn was acting as my release.

    Today my worry is money. I've obsessed over money for the best part of the day, struggling to get my work done as a result. I'm not currently in debt, and I don't have any bills to pay. In fact, since giving up porn (I had a bad camgirl habit) I'm actually more financially stable than I've been in months. But I'm worried I don't have enough and that my girlfriend is going to leave me because I won't be able to whisk her away to exotic destinations every weekend. (She doesn't even expect anything of the sort!)

    Last week my worry was about whether I'd be able to get an erection, even though I've been seeing amazing improvements to my PIED of late. I'm no where near cured, but there's absolutely no doubt I'm on the right path. I thought my girlfriend would leave me if I didn't get an erection, even though she stuck with me for months when I could barely penetrate her for longer than a few seconds.

    It's not all about my girlfriend (although that does seem to be a common theme at the minute). I've worried about work, I've worried about my parents, I've worried about myself. It could be argued that this thread is worry about, well, worry! As one worry subsides, another steps in to take its place. I can't be alone with this obsessive behaviour, so I'm curious how you all deal with it.

    I've been trying the following:
    • Meditation: I do notice a substantial dip in my mood when I don't meditate, which is very interesting to me.
    • Exercise: I'm the fittest I've ever been in my entire life, but I worry I'm not fit enough. After all, there are fitter guys that my girlfriend might decide to fall in love with instead, right?
    • Self-Affirmations: I know, deep down, I'm an amazing guy. I also know that I've worried my entire life, but things have turned out alright in the end. What's the absolute worst thing that could actually happen to me? If my girlfriend leaves me, then she wasn't the one. If I lose my job, then maybe I'll find a better one.
    All of these things help, but still I spend virtually every second worrying. I genuinely frighten myself with these obsessions. And it's exhausting, as I'm sure many of you can relate.

    So how do you switch off? How do you stop worrying, enjoy the moment, and just see what happens? I thought maybe we could use this thread to share ideas and suggestions to help each other, because while porn is damaging, I think there's a reason we all fall into it in the first place. I need to deal with my addiction, but I also need to deal with the reason I ended up addicted in the first place.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2019
  2. Bombadil

    Bombadil Fapstronaut

    Wow, yes worry and anxiety are a bitch. Personally I find my faith helps. Also walking, there seems to be a weird psychosomatic thing that happens when you're getting into your stride which is immensely calming. If you're really anxious, blowing bubbles when you get to the top of a hill helps to keep the breathing under control... Yes I'm 40, and I still buy children's bubble mixture..
     
  3. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I know this might sound easy for those of us who somewhat master it but since I have been a big worrier in my former days, I can only say:
    "Let go of your worries, concerns, and destructive visualizations about your worst fears coming true"

    Going around worrying most of your awaken time about what might happen (I read that 80+% of concerns people have are quite trivial for the most part) has indeed a very negative impact on your health. It is going to make you:

    -Prematurely age.
    -Make you feel exhausted.
    -Give you a sense of no control.
    -Give you aches and pains throughout your body.
    -Having difficulties imagining what you want and desire in life.
    -Having difficulties to let positive thoughts come through and dominate your thinking.
    -Weaken your immune system and attract illness.
    -Attract undesired and painful events and circumstances into your life (through the law of attraction).
    -Attract the wrong people into your life.
    -Make you feel less confident.
    -Make you despise yourself and others.

    Etc etc. Your worries will do you nothing but attracting misery and pain into your life. On the other hand, by letting go of worries and concerns, you will take your own mental, physical and spiritual health to the next level and feel relieved, free and happy.
    There are few more destructive powers in peoples lives that exceeds those of worries and concerns.

    I have myself made the transition from a big worrier and anxious man to a man who is rarely worried about anything these days and it started as soon as I began my NoFap-journey last year. It has had a huge positive impact on my health to let these fly away from my mind.
     
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Worrying is a habit. A pattern that you've reinforced. Each time you worry you reinforce the belief that you can't handle whatever happens. It makes you more avoidant, negative, and weaker.

    All you can do is your best. Whatever your current best is. Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them. The more experience you gain, the more competence and confidence in how to handle those circumstances. If you avoid them, then you won't gain those things.

    Worrying is a method where we try to compensate for our lack of current experience / competence / confidence. We think that if we worry enough that we'll be able to avoid pain, problems, and negative experiences... but those things are necessary for us to grow and to learn. Worrying is a way to avoid that painful process of growth. Worrying is a way to scare yourself out of taking action. It's playing not to lose rather than playing to win. It's procrastinating and waiting for guarantees before taking any action. Then you hesitantly take half assed action when you can no longer avoid it. Doing your current best is the best that you can do. Worrying only lowers your chances at success and hinders your growth.

    Life is made up of both positive and negative experiences. Avoiding the negative ones for short term instant gratification escapism makes you weak and ironically leads to even greater negative experiences in the long run.

    Create a new habit where you do your current best without over thinking it and face whatever the outcome is. Learn to deal with negative experiences rather than avoiding them. Reinforce the belief that no matter what happens you'll learn to handle it and grow into a person that can deal with uncertainty.
     
  5. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    We all have our worries and habits, that little voice (or voices) in the back of our heads that keeps telling you "Im not good enough","That guy has a nicer"insert thing here" then me"
    "That guy is better then me" "Why is my girl still with me", yes its annoying it can derail a pleasant day in seconds.
    In the end of the day what we tell yourself is gonna be right whether that view is accurate or not.
    Your own self talk is holding to back, you need to learn how to keep it in check.
    Thats why its so fundamental to have the right self talk.
    All change starts from within you can change the exterior but if you don't take measures to fix the root of the problem you will remaing has you are.
    For that very reason most of us will continue to struggle, because we don't address what realy matters first
    Also you need to remember that each and every one of us has a story we tell our self, a story that in many cases isn't true and makes us hold back our true potential
    Iv learned that if you want to change for the better you have to do it for yourself with the only goal of becoming a better human being. If you can nail that the rest will soon follow.

    You said that your worried about money, well yes money is important but remember one thing you can trade your time for money but at some point in your life all the money in the world will not buy you time. Enjoy the little things, be grateful for your friends, family, your girl, but most importantly be grateful that your alive here and now, there is so much you can accomplish do something new, learn a new skill, make new friends get a new hobby the possibilities are endless.

    We are men we are visual creatures we want sex that's a fact but sex isn't everything, even though you v been struggling your girl remains by your side even tho she knows your struggling and frustrated she remains with you there's something in you she values and thats the reason she is by your side. Give her a reason to continue...

    Take some time to create new experiences with her, you don't realy have to spend much money to have fun, use your imagination, surprise her, get to know her even better, be her rock her mountain make her fell safe and respected, and she will remain by your side.

    I would suggest for you to try to improve the quality of food you eat and try to cut processed foods out of your diet has much has possible, trust me good wholesome foods will make a huge difference Iv done it and now I feel no need to go back. You will feel so much better with yourself and your general wellbeing will improve drastically also this will help you improve in the gym further.

    Have a critical eye about yourself cut the bad habits- drinking alcohol, smoking, watching too much television, limit your internet time and try to replace them with positive ones.
    Make a commitment and yourself
    Read some self-help self-improvement books, there are a lot of useful books out there that will help you change the way you think and act, you'd be surprised how much a good book can change your way of thinking, check out this authors Stephen R. Covey, Dale Carnegie, Corey Wayne , Jordan B. Peterson... just naming a few.




    I also struggle sometimes, but repetition will help you improve.

    In the end its about the journey, not the destination, enjoy life
    Hope this helped you somehow.
     
  6. I do a lot of running, which helps to calm me down as well. Never tried blowing bubbles, but I can definitely see how that would be therapeutic. Great advice.

    Great to hear your story! Any other tips on how you achieved this aside from NoFap?

    I like this because I already know it's true. I've had so many worries over the years -- so many. And yet here I am, probably doing better than I ever have. The things I feared would happen haven't held me back, and even if some of those worries did come true, I've grown and become a better person regardless. I'm still standing.

    It really did, thank you. I think just as important as my NoFap journey is that I focus on where I'm at now and enjoying achieving my goals. I worry about so much I don't have control over, it really is a colossal waste of time and energy that could be better invested elsewhere.
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  7. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    I like what the Dalai Lama said about worrying - there is never a need to worry. You are worrying about something that either a) you cannot change, so there is no point in worrying...or b) you can change, in which case stop worrying and change it. Everything will be one of these scenarios.
    It's a very smart way of looking at things...
     
  8. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Very tough question since most of my worries started to fade as soon as my brain, mind and soul started to go through reboot and heal properly.
    But I dare say that many educational videos and books covering the subject and how the conscious and subconscious level of mind work together (in order to raise your level of consciousness and get connected with infinite intelligence or God) did really push me the last stretch in order to push my last remaining fears and worries away from my mind and life. People who educated and dedicated themselves for many years in the study of these subjects have many great points to make regarding the destructive thoughts of worry, fear, envy, jealousy, etc that make you stagnate and even move backward in life.

     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  9. Focusing on the opposite of it ~
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  10. It's so funny to me how worry manifests itself. As I mentioned in my OP, I was worried about money last Tuesday. That was replaced later in the week by worry about something that occurred between me and my girlfriend. That has since been replaced by worry today because I had a small amount of dandruff in my hair and she saw it.

    I'm kicking myself for letting her see it, but if she hadn't, it would be something else I'd be worried about. I know it's such a ridiculous thing to even think about, but I can't help obsessing over it. This constant cycle is exhausting. Definitely trying to implement many of the tips outlined in this thread, though. Thanks for all the advice and support.
     
  11. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Keep in mind, by living in a constant state of fear, worry, and lack, you will attract more fear, worry and lack into your life and create a never ending downward spiral of painful and undesirable circumstances. This is exactly how the law of attraction (and the infinite energy of the universe) works and direct itself. The more disharmonious you are and the more destructive energy you send out, the more of the same will you receive. Try instead, to think that everything will be alright and if they don't turn out as desired, you will at least learn a good lesson that makes you appreciate the good moment and event even more as it comes by.
     

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