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im scared that i have no hope.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Z_the_B, Mar 12, 2015.

  1. Z_the_B

    Z_the_B Guest

    I started watching porn when I was somewhere arfound 13 or 14 and then I quit last year on my 17th birthday in march-april. I've had several streaks, attempts that lasted from a few days up to 50 days.
    I am positive that im finally taking control over life besides the intentional relapse last night to get me to sleep so that I can get rest for exams.

    I have porn induced ED. Anxiety was too much last year but now its in full control. I don't get depressed a lot and I have sleep problems very rarely.
    There are times when I get slight erections around women and I've had a lot of making out experience in the past (we were small, stupid and yes..cousins.yuck.)
    I have this feeling that I will never be normal for several reasons
    1)I will never get a girlfriend to rewire with. I live in an Orthodox society where we lose virginity after marriage.
    2) I have a left bend/curve in my penis that has continually troubled me but I've never had any pain or trouble urinating. The erection goes up but points in the left direction because of the bend and curve like this----> )
    3)I get semen leakages during poop sessions.
    4) I'm afraid that I will have more problems involving prostate and all that weird medical term stuff in future due to my pmo habit. Whenever I look at a weird medical condition involving the genital, I beat myself up.


    Not one day goes by that I don't regret my pmo habit I enjoyed for 3 years.
     
  2. seventyniner

    seventyniner Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I know that feeling of being afraid never to be normal. I was seventeen at the time, too. Terrified of going to a doctor to find out I am weird, unnormal and terminally ill. You know, I think most of us have insecure feelings like that. But they can go away over time. You'll be fine, believe me.

    1) You don't need a girlfriend to rewire. There is no sex required for reboot. We all rewire by ourselves. You can reboot, rewire and then be ready for a girlfriend.
    2) That's normal. There are hundreds of different penile forms. It's just a matter of variety. 100% normal. (Actually, I'd be surprised if there was a 100% straight erection.)
    3) Quick! Run to the doctor! Just kidding. Normal again. Your body is taking care of itself. There are tens of thousands of processes taking place at the same time in your body. Cells are born, cells die, blood is replaced, semen is built and recycled, and so on and so forth. Whatever your body thinks it doesn't need any longer is leaked. Trust biology, and trust your body.
    4) Listen. When smokers quit, the SECOND they put their last cigarette out, the body starts rebuilding and restoring. And your brain has already started rewiring the moment you quit PMO. And so is your body. Stop looking at weird medical conditions. Expect to heal FULLY. Some people here have been addicted for ten, twenty, thirty years, and we all enjoy the healing powers of our body.

    If I had to sum it up: Stop regretting your PMO habit. Start enjoying your PMO-free life!
     
  3. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with seventyniner on this one. People adicted for 20 years have found recovery. There's no reason we can't....
     
  4. wally_s

    wally_s Fapstronaut

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    Rocky_101, thanks for sharing. Stay strong and believe, one day at a time. You are a young man and you will be just fine and healthy and balanced. Great response posting from seventyniner, read his words and believe it. Here I am at age 52 after years and years of obsessing on and using porn. I basically chose to live my life with porn and masturbation rather than seriously pursue intimate relationships, and never realized what I was doing, or rather what the PMO was doing to my brain and body. A brief relationship last fall opened my eyes to my addiction, as I experienced almost total ED, unable to have intercourse, and then I thankfully began to learn about all this stuff... PIED, rebooting, rewiring. I am a believer in the recoveries I read about here and elsewhere. All these guys can't be lying to us, right? We have got to believe. It's a simple program but not easy, and it's one day at a time to get healed. Thanks for sharing!
     

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