32, engaged, ready to kick my habit

When I was single I never gave much thought to my PMO habit. Every guy beats off just as much as I do, if not more. Right? I've been masturbating since I was a tween. It feels good, I'm not hurting anyone. It's fine. PMO was a daily event, often several times a day, for years. After finding this community I've come to realize I've been doing things that are typical of a PMO addict. I would edge for hours sometimes and my porn tastes were becoming increasingly specific and bizarre, and I had at least two episodes of PIED. After a physical exam about two years ago, my doctor informed me that my testosterone levels were alarmingly low. Even this did not give me pause. The PMO cycle continued.

When my girlfriend and I moved in together, this habit of mine became much harder to hide. She walked in on me masturbating several times. And each time it would ignite an argument over how terrible it made her feel. I explained that I didn't love her any less, and that the porn did not affect my attraction to her. It did little to ease her mind. Each time I promised I would stop. And I really wanted to. Even when I wasn't being walked-in on, each time I PMO'd I felt like a worthless idiot... But the cycle continued and I just got better at hiding it. Finally I did something that made me really question my self-control. I brought my phone into the toilet at work and went through a PMO cycle in there. I had a moment of reflection that day. What the fuck... Why can't I stop myself.

I initially heard about NoFap a few years ago but wasn't interested. Now I'm back and determined to kick this habit. I was a smoker for five years. Three years ago I summoned the willpower to quit cold turkey. Late last year I was getting concerned about the affect of alcohol on my health. This year I tested my self-control by going the whole month of March without a single drink. Now I limit myself to drinking only during Formula 1 grand prix (gotta have some fun, yeah?).

Now it's time to regain control over my last and longest lasting bad habit. I'm hoping that by visiting this forum and getting outside more, I will be able to stop this cycle.

Thanks for reading. It felt good to get that off my chest. I feel optimistic about this for the first time ever.