Sex God Journey

Hey guys! I am a 34-year-old filmmaker from Vienna, and I identify as gay. I started watching porn back in the days when the internet became a thing which pretty much coincided with me hitting puberty. Being gay and living in the countryside, the internet quickly became my outlet to explore my sexuality. I had probably seen hundreds of hours of porn before I had my first sexual experience with a guy.

It was not until my late 20s that I realized the danger of regular porn consumption. I was suffering from porn-induced erectile dysfunction but didn't know that porn war the culprit. I was trapped in a vicious circle because the sex I had was anything but good, so porn gradually became my emotional sanctuary and solution to my erectile dysfunction. Once I realized what caused my ED, I felt hope for the first time and became highly driven to change my situation I felt stuck in. I started a self-improvement project called the Sex God Project which I documented as a blog. My goal was not only to reverse the harmful effects of porn. No, I wanted to become a Sex God with a hard and longlasting erection and the best sex I ever had to make up for all the bad and mediocre sex I had up until then.

I stopped watching porn and started meditation and hitting the gym like crazy. I tweaked my testosterone levels and did Kegel exercises to reach my goal. I learned a lot in the process, and the intentions were the right ones, but I had the wrong end goal in mind and was focusing on the wrong aspects. I even gave a TEDx Talk about it:



Only after I relapsed again despite all my best efforts, I slowly started to realize the importance of the emotional aspects in addiction and recovery. I started a program called Fortify which was a great help. Additionally, I began to focus more on emotional awareness and started a process of emotional healing. On the spectrum of addiction, I am down from frequently to occasionally by now. I have come a long way. Up until now, I have done it on my own, and I suspect that doing it by myself is the reason why I am down to occasionally and not having successfully beat the addiction. I underestimated the power of community. Fortify offers a community feature but the people who use it are mostly highly religious which makes it hard for me to connect with them both as an atheist and a gay man. This is why I have come here to the NoFap community.

After I relapsed my last time 11 days ago, I decided to make the community aspect centerstage in my recovery. I already got myself an accountability partner and installed an accountability software on my computer. My friend is not battling porn addiction, so I want to make the NoFap community an integral part of my recovery as well. I think there is still a lot I can learn from you guys and maybe I can give something back in support or personal experiences. I feel a second accountability partner, who is going through the same might be another essential resource for recovery.

My reboot goal is going 90 days without PMO and online dating. My ultimate goal is to stop watching porn for good and having a fulfilling sex life free of sexual dysfunctions and porn influenced expectations. Along with my sexual reboot, I am in the process of rebooting the Sex God Project as a place where I'll collect and share my experiences and techniques that I have acquired along the way. I am ready!

 

Thanks man. Much appreciated.

 

Fantastic, very inspiring.

 

Thanks man starsky2!

 

I love that you are willing to be vulnerable and open. Really really very inspiring. I think you are well along in your recovery to be honest. I also agree that without a community of agreeable persons to support us, it is virtually impossible to break free. The Ted talk was really good! Keep up the good work.