Hiding So Much From My Girlfriend Right Now

SO here.

For starters, it's great you've made these first steps in realizing that your porn usage and fixation on escorts are not ideal for your relationship or your personal health. While it may feel in the moment that the pill usage and secrecy are to protect your partner, I would caution you not to keep these things to yourself.

This can go one of two ways:

On one hand, you can try going without porn on your own. Great! It's the ideal first step, even if it means giving in to physical temptation now and again (not recommended here, and for good reason) but eventually you will maturbate and believe it or not, it plays the same role in wiring your brain to develop excitement over thoughts, not external stimulus. I'm not sure how difficult it is for you to do yourself but if you're looking at escort services while idle, you're likely just finding substitutes for porn. That's not going to cut it. You will still find it challenging to get the same satisfaction with your partner and more likely than not, she'll find out. Then, doomsday. While you may think she doesn't suspect, it is easy to feel insecure in the scenarios you've described and those insecurities will only grow for her unless you express your utmost interest and commitment to her satisfaction and happiness while also finding her desirable. A difficult task while you're looking at other people in your free time.

Bringing me to option two. You admit you have faults. While this is IMMENSELY difficult, it offers an opportunity for you and your partner to develop a deeper level of trust. Be warned, this route is only if you intend to have a serious, committed, and transparent relationship. You'll have to tell her everything. Including the pills. I will admit I think the escort experience is a grey area because it occured before her and is not something you intend to do again but only keep it to yourself if you intend to delete the account and never go to the site again. But that being said.. as your potential long term partner, doesn't she deserve the truth? If she can't handle it, is she really the one for you?

That is my frank two-cents; everyone will give you their own advice and experiences here but as the SO of someone who is also flawed and working to improve themselves.. I am happy to have known before marriage. Before further commitment. You don't want to be one of the several couples married and suffering because they didn't disclose until years in. Find out if your partner is prepared to have your back. It's worth more than you know.

 

Dude, I feel your pain here especially with the escorts.

Doing a reboot will make you more horny at some point, your challenge is to decide what you want to invest that in.

Bro, just as guys for a second, when you have the escort do you care what she thinks of you ? If you get hard or not ? I know escorts have seen everything. They know it’s part of reality lots of guys visit them because they can’t perform with their girlfriend s.

My point is, Your girlfriend is not as shallow as you fear , you are just afraid that she would think differently of you.

In my experience, women, love to be cherished and women love to know they can hold your secrets.

You can test the theory to see what she would do. Ask her what would she like you to do when she’s old and gray? If she says have sex, then you win. If she says something anything else , then you know she’s not as shallow as you fear.

 

Quit the M. Delete the accounts on escort sites. PE is less upsetting than lyig and betrayal. Be honest with your partner. Tell her that you are having issues with your porn use and have chosen to quit. Tell her that you also want to quit masturbation (this will be key to quitting, whatever you look at or think about while Ming is functionally P to you. Stop doing it).

The fact that you have used escorts in the past shows you how far your P use has escalated. Cutting out P but allowing yourself to set up user accounts and browse that sort of site is a dangerous move. I don't understand why on Earth you think that is a good idea.

It will help if you tell your girlfirend everything, if you want the relationship to last long-term. If you don't communicate with honesty now, then the potential damage to your relationship becomes much greater further down the line. If you haven't used escorts during your current relationship, then no matter how terrible you feel about having done that, it is at least not a betrayal against her. But it is a part of your problem with porn. The behaviours are linked. She deserves to know the extent of your difficulties. If you have seen escorts while in previous relationships, then what makes things different now? You can make things different by choosing to be honest, and choosing to give up all porn, all porn substitutes and all seeking/fantasising about seeking sexual gratification from anywhere other than your current relationship.

The advice pretty much everywhere in these forums will be the same: the relationships that last are the ones with honesty, openness and real commitment to real change.

There are a few good threads about how to disclose details of your porn use/addiction in the best way to allow for healing and recovery.

All the best of luck.

 

The extent of your addiction is very very prevalent in your story. The REAL you is feeling extremely guilty about everything , and you desperately want to be close to this woman. A closeness and realness you have never even had with her yet. Your addiction is the one that doesn't want to tell her the whole entire story . The addiction is the one saying " I don't want to tell her because I dont want to hurt her" your addiction doesn't want you to stop feeding it . My advice would be to start separating the real you that's still hidden in there, and the addiction that is obviously In the drivers seat.

 

Good luck with your journey. If you want to keep this girl, you should try with every last shred of your willpower to quit straight away. No relapses. Don't watch porn or masturbate and I promise you will start to get better. Keep taking the sildenifal until you're better. How long this takes is different for everyone, but expect somewhere between 50-100 days.

 

She doesn't know it yet, but you have already hurt her by keeping such a huge secret from her. Six months?! If someone did this to you I am sure you would be pissed. At this point, this is supposed to be a serious relationship for her.

Dude, turn the tables around. If she was using a fake vagina under the covers to get you off without your knowledge, was lying to you and hiding that AND MORE for 6 months of your life? This fake hidden vagina was due to her porn and male escort addiction and her vagina didn't get wet, hold lube, and couldn't contract anymore. Is this something you want hidden and surprised with 6 months into a relationship?

How is it "shallow" for women to want (and physically need) a hard dick during sex?? Is it shallow for you to want a wet and tight vagina?? Pft.