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becoming a live-in slave

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Round Robin, May 22, 2018.

  1. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    It's all a fantasy. OP, What do you seriously think you'll achieve from doing this?

    As far as I'm concerned. It's delusional at best.
     
  2. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    9 days later and I M’OD last night, I came home late from work got aroused by these 2 girls who walked past me and ended up going back to my room to masterbated which isn’t that bad of a deal but my fantasy was involved a little, not completely but 2/10.

    Not the baddest of things but the following day went out and came back and ended up searching>pmoing. So 10 days, 1 lapse.

    I need complete abstinence but it’s tough so I figured that I’d just M’O occasionally but it leaves me feeling bad and drained (not as bad as a PMO session but still like 4/10, where PMO makes you feels 9/10 shit).

    It then spirals me into a lapse always, so I have to 2 options to stop completely which is tough but i can do it or if you do MO no p or fantasy and don’t binge it which is harder to do.

    I like the quote left by davidx “ freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

    I will fight these urges one day at a time and beat and bed this thing once and for all.

    Yes I’ve had a lapse but it doesn’t undo all the good work I’ve been doing and so I will carry on. 90 days atleast to let the porn induced fantasies melt away.

    No fantasising at all, even though I want to beat myself up and feel bad I need to remember I’m alive i have to chance to life this life to the fullest, I’ve made mistakes but I’m also human.


    Update; after work and even during my thoughts were consumed, got home and had a lapse

    As Kano said “ we all carry scars and cuts, yes were grown ups”
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2019
  3. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Woke up this morning, videos> arranged a session, ended up paying for it but somehow lucked out in the payment not going through which is good because I would have regretted a lot if the money went through.

    It’s Thursday the 21st of March, I just had my 23rd birthday a few weeks ago, and people are dieing or close to dieing every day.

    About 1 year ago I spoke to my best friend about my addiction and we agreed 1 year from now wed be on a beach together crushing life, well it’s now that time and he’s there but I’m not.

    I just sent him a message informing him that I’ll be on that beach with him at the end of the year.

    90 days there’s no more ambiguity. A lot of this is just porn induced fetish and fantasies and I know it will melt away after enough abstinence.

    I can’t have it both ways , I can I will, I must, I will get out of the box and pay the price, or I can stay and keep looping this shit and let it get worse.

    Then wake up 25 and a50 page thread later and I’m in deeper, which is fine but fuck that it’s gone on for wayyyyyy to long if I stop now I’ll have a good chance at reversing the damage, if I don’t stop I’ll have 0% chance.

    Life script

    See you in 90 days.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2019
  4. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    Good for you. You can do it. Break free.
     
  5. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    14 days , 1 MO fantasy in my head, slipped up, keep calm carry on, restart back to 90

    Ended up looking things again... few searches and another MO 2 lapses no biggie, back on the horse to 90, keep calm and carry on
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2019
  6. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Ended up having a pmo session, so 3 lapses 2 without P fantasising, 1 pmo.

    Will keep and carry on to 90.
     
  7. You have to re-set your counter.
     
  8. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Went 1 week and couldn’t control my brain, it’s like it get hijacked, once I start the fantasising a little bit it’s way to much to stop and ended up lapsing 3 times.

    I’ve done CEI sessions before but never go through with it and always have instant regret. I have to force myself and even then I can’t do it.

    I just had to ask myself if I’m rejecting it why am I forcing myself to do it.

    I can’t take this being pulled into 2 directions anymore and it’s very clear to me now that my sexual tastes have been morphed through porn and sessions and mistresses making me do things.

    I’ve conditioned horny/orgasm to immediate be about femdom. So it’s time to break that.

    Day 0 today but I start a new challenge of ridding this out of my life, I can’t take anymore pain I’m better than that and deserve to be happy.

    No fantasising if it comes up I will let it melt away with a “ that’s nice but I’m not going down that path , life script, 90 days 1 day at a time.”

    No need to beat yourself up because as Kano said “we all carry scars and cuts, were grown ups”

    Day 0 let’s go, see you in 90
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
  9. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    It is to do with porn. The longer you don't look at porn, don't think about porn those pathways in your brain will weaken.
     
    Rolo75 and FormerFapaholic like this.
  10. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

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    just download pluckeye chome extension
     
  11. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I am glad you aren't giving up, that takes courage.

    Forgive me for being repetitive in my comments, but the only thing I can offer -- which has helped me with domination/submission fantasies -- is to try to analyze closely and "deconstruct" the fantasy. This has helped me a great deal.

    If I can help, let me know.
     
    Rolo75 likes this.
  12. Gvn2Fly

    Gvn2Fly Fapstronaut

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    How do you do this? Struggling with femdom thoughts pretty much my whole life but they've gotten more extreme and intrusive over the last few years with PMO. I need help.
     
  13. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Here's what I do, when the fantasy seems strong, or when I'm tempted to pursue it, or I've given in to it.

    I stop and do some serious thinking about exactly what this fantasy is all about. I think about the common themes of the images I seek out; in the stories I read (or write for myself in my head). In my experience, they all tend to follow a very similar script. Have you noticed that in your case? So the question is WHY? Why those themes? Why is it about, say, a collar, or a dog tag, or whatever? Why does this, that or the other thing cause immediate arousal in me?

    The goal is to understand what it is about the fantasy that pushes your buttons.

    It may be that you need the help of a professional to sort this out. In my case, I'm not a professional counselor, but I've done a LOT of reading.

    The key is: it's pretty unusual that you or I do anything "for NO reason." There is a reason that stuff gets to you. When you put energy into unraveling that, a couple of things can happen. One is that instead of being the "helpless" consumer of a fantasy -- i.e., acting out -- you are actually taking charge of things. That feels really good and is healthy. Second, when you get "behind" the fantasy, and look at what it's really about, it loses a lot of it's power.
     
    Tryingto and Nugget9 like this.
  14. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 another lapse. Tried to do another CEI vid but I always bail out early because my body won’t go through with it.

    It’s actually hilarious that i want it so bad (fantasy) but I can’t force myself to do it, yet I’ve done it before a few times with immediate regret and vomiting.

    It’s funny that I started out helpless, not wanting to change, wanting the extreme and now my mind has changed to I actually want to change this and do anything and everything I can to change this and I can’t do it alone I’ve tried and tried.

    The reason I want to change is because I know it’s not for me, fantasy is not reality and it’s a porn induced fantasy.

    If I never ever watched porn all I’d have is a foot fetish and a squat fetish so what? Now I’m getting into more dark and extreme shit like intox, blackmail etc.

    I seriously think this is the key now to deconstruct the fantasy and take out its charge so it has no weight anymore.

    Can I ask were you are now in your journey? Days etc?

    I can deconstruct the fantasy, but then I get horny (naturally) and it’s straight to femdom now, I don’t even watch porn anymore it’s all in the mind. Femdom fantasy. Would be great to get some help.

    The thing I can’t live with is I ate my cum, and I did that. I can say she “forced me to do it” but I made her force me.
    If someone tells you to jump off a cliff you won’t do it because of your own senses but I did it.
    There has to be a reason why I did it and say 90% of men in the world wouldn’t even do it at all.
     
  15. humans are too complex to understand.
    come to india and see people toil from morning to night manually pulling rickshaw, carrying sack whole day just to feed themselves and their family, they dont have time to think about other things, they are just busy in getting their basic needs fulfilled.
    but when there is no hardship in life and food is easy to get, population is low and government takes care of people these type of stupid thought come in mind, man you are giving your money to be their slave, that is one of the most pitiful thing i have ever heard. i seriously pity you. god give you some courage and mind to think what are you doing to your life.
    you are part of your mother and father. such acts can not even degrade you but your family too. man please go to doctor, watching one or two videos out of fetish is fine but acting on them in real life is just plain stupidity or even loss of sanity.
    go enroll in army, here in india army soldiers have to work for whole day starting from morning 4 to night 9. they'll break body so hard by making you exercise so much that any thing you need or demand would be little more sleep. that kind of slavery is of some benefit , it'll make you tough and pay you salary and even pension. pension is given in india only to army,navy, airforce,politicians and not to anybody else, hence pension is privilege in india.
     
    skibum71 likes this.
  16. may god bless you power to come out of hole you dug yourself.
    all best best man. i shall pray for you brother.
     
  17. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    It’s no longer a simple case of abstinence about 2 years ago I did not so and got to about 110days then decided to pmo to femdom again.

    Something keeps pulling me back I have to decronstruct that or I will never be free.

    I can theoretically abstain long enough but the thoughts just stay. I have to end the pull I have to it.

    Have you ever eaten your cum? If not why not? Now ask me why I did it and I’ll say a mistress told me too, but I allowed it to happen. I’d never done it before so I guess novelty but then I did it again a few more times and threw up/tried to vomit it out afterward very time.

    It’s like this constant turmoil of Jekyll and Hyde living inside me he’s always inside.
     
  18. tame your mind otherwise it will destroy you my human friend. take responsibility!
     
    Professor Abraham likes this.
  19. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    As I said, you may need to seek a professional counselor, who can help you unravel this fantasy. In my own life, I think a lot of my fantasies have to do with qualities I admire but that I don't perceive in myself; and the specific fantasy of being dominated or controlled I think is about me letting myself off the hook -- that is, if someone "makes" me do this or that, I'm not responsible.
     
    Professor Abraham and graham55 like this.
  20. HaydenK95

    HaydenK95 Fapstronaut

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    Holy crap! I don't even know what a "live in slave is" but I promise you no matter how bad your addiction is, God can save and rid you of this terrible disease. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I do pray you get help. Do not throw your life away for this filth.
     
    Tryingto and Professor Abraham like this.

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