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DAY 327 transwoman ADDICTION TRIGGER

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by topilabv, Apr 2, 2019.

  1. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellas,
    I am currently on my 327 day without any porn usage. During that period I orgasmed quite often ( every 3-4 days) because I had a girlfriend and we used to have sex over that period. I was fapping off to porn for around 13 years and yes my addiction escalated also to transwoman and gay porn. Like many other guys this also led me to HOCD thoughts, where I started to question my sexuality. I always knew that I'm straight because I've been inlove with girls and whenever I see a pretty girl even on the street I would go crazy, and I never felt the same way over men - never really wanted to have sth with a man. However porn screwed my brain and I was fapping quite often to transwoman porn, actually in the last years I mostly watched that sort of porn.I even tried three times with transwoman escorts, I can't say I didn't enjoy it but i wans't anything special and immediately after that i felt like shit. So five months later i met my ex girlfriend. I didn't have much issues when I started nofap because one of the reasons was my girlfriend - I really loved her and porn led me to ED issues, so starting nofap was great because the issues disappeared (it would happen, but rarely - once at every 10-15 times). So i spent the whole 327 day period with my girl. During that period I barely had thoughts or imaginations for transwomen.. it's like the addiction was almost gone. I had fantasies with many other girls and wanted to have sex with them all. However, we broke up two weeks ago.
    Two nights after that i was chilling alone at night when i decided just to take a look at the escort websites and offers ( because I was feeling really horny). So after I spent 15 mins scrolling through the escorts i saw the transgendered person category and was like " okay, let's just see what they have. I visited the profiles of 5-10 transwomen and then felt sort of anxiety, of course also some arousal came. The day after when i remembered what i did it caused me again some HOCD thoughts, thus the fact that i didn't work out with my girl also supported these thoughts. So last night i was in my bed trying to sleep when i started thinking about a girl i met two days ago. She is really hot and has a great body and boobs. I was really aroused - i didn't even touch my dick once i was just thinking about how we would have sex and imagining hot scenes. The arousal was crazy and i was feeling like I would cum.. then some secounds after that i had a thought about the transwoman escort i met in the past, followed by some old porn scenes of transwoman porn.. the arousal escalated and a couple of sec later i ejaculated. Without even touching my dick!!!
    Imeddiately after that I felt like shit, I felt like i relapsed, I felt like the addiction would come back again.....
    Any advices guys!!! Will this fucked up fetish ever go away? Am i ever going to be free from this addiction? I started again to question my sexuality..
    I really need some hope i thought that this was over and i did overcome the transwoman porn addiction..........
    PLEASE HELP
     
    rowans and SuperiorMan95 like this.
  2. Hello Jake

    Hello Jake Fapstronaut

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    Your not on your own,
    I've been watching porn a hell of a lot over the years and it to has escalated to transgendered person porn, fetishes , bondage etc. I've learnt fantasy is better than reality. I am a straight male and know straight males can like trannys so I've no question over my sexuality at all, but I don't watch gay porn however.
    I think it's a long road, but it's worth trying to quit porn, it will help with transgendered person thing I think. Just stick with it.
    As you know, screwing hookers is nothing special, it's just the thought of it.
    Good luck.

     
    topilabv likes this.
  3. Fenston999

    Fenston999 Fapstronaut

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    You had a girl in your life and had, I imagine, a regular amount of sex with her. That's much easier to quit porn and masterbation with. One thing to learn though, most relationships are ephemeral in the grand scheme of things. At first your excited and passionate, you have someone new in your life and your having sex regularly. It eventually dies down though and if you don't build a strong bond your differences make things sour, so that alone is not enough to keep you away from porn and masterbation. Now you have to struggle single. The fetishes will not dissappear on their own, it takes work. If you keep feeding the thing, it gets stronger. You have to better control your thoughts now, you don't have someone around to distract you and take you outside of yourself. If you don't want be boiling all the time don't fantasize about women you see, cut the thoughts off. I repeat, the more you feed it the stronger it gets. Today your looking at escorts and not masterbating. Keep feeding it and tommorow your meeting escorts and watching porn, it can escalate fast. One piece of advice, the best way to learn to control your thoughts, and your desires is to practice meditation. It's difficult at first, esp if you have underlying issues you have not faced as it will be brought up to be dealt with. This is the best way to get past your fetishes and to know what you want and not have doubts about your sexual orientation. You can overcome these things with time and effort. We have to learn to be in control of our sexual forces and not be a slave to them, whether it be porn, masterbation, escorts, or even an excessive sex life with a partner. One outlet can easily bleed into the other, esp. when our prior outlet is no longer an option.
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2019
    Morethan, topilabv and Hello Jake like this.
  4. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Biggest thing I would recommend is becoming clear about your sexuality. First and foremost decide that you are a straight man and that you are committed to living that way. Then restart no PMO or at least no PM and definitely NO escorts. For now on, decide what your mission is going to be. Is it to find a new gf? Is it to relax and reflect for a while? Decide on that and then do your best to remain pure until you achieve your objective.
     
  5. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

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    Well, this is MY oppinion. If yoiu use escorts to make it thru no PM then you are not on a good journey. Then you are on a bad journey that will lead you deeper in to not just porn addiction but to a sex addcition.
     
  6. Actually that! Str8 guys use to fuck transgendered people and dont feel guilt cause of it. Keep in Peace with your sexual de desires.
     
    topilabv likes this.
  7. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

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    Do u really mean it!! Thank u brother
     
  8. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

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    Yes you’re right. Feeding ur fetishes not with porn but with escorts could turn even worse
     
    Morethan likes this.
  9. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

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    Thank u!
     
  10. topilabv

    topilabv Fapstronaut

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    Thanks!!
     
  11. I found one important point. If I don’t judge myself. Just watch what I do I can distance myself and eventually free myself from what I do not want to be. If I have a strong judgement and don’t accept I make the attention to it and the tension in my mind about it strong which is very difficult to escape. I had times where I found in arousal a hot chick with a cock attractive and even felt like I want to touch her cock while I have no gay ambitions. I just look at it and see it. And I don’t consider myself of having this fetish. Now I am quite distanced to all of these extreme ways and find normal things attractive again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2019
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. I wrote all these good things the last days. Today I am just a sex maniac...my pelvic burns the energy rages. My mind wants anything that has to do with fucking...quite horribke
     
  13. 19m

    19m Fapstronaut

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    i’m in the same situation but not the escorts and wa swondering if anyone had any success stories on getting rid of these fteishes ?
     
  14. Journeyman85

    Journeyman85 Fapstronaut

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