How can I word this goal positively?

Settings good goals takes a bit of practice.
Don't be afraid to reword and refine your goals several times before you're happy with them.

A few tips:
- Goals that are measurable are much better. For example, a goal like "I will get through 2 days without PMO" is very clear, you either do it or you don't.
- It's okay to have short term goals like this, they are easier to complete but of course when you've completed them, make another one.
- If your goal is a little vague keep defining it. What are your "commitments" to yourself? What does it mean to "honor" them exactly?
- Break your one goal up. In your goal I can see at least 3 (maybe 5) different things going on (your commitments, your relationship, thoughts, actions and visuals). Each of these things can be focused on and measured separately.
- Last tip, don't be too hard on yourself. Goals that focus on things that are pretty much out of your control (like your thoughts) are going to suck. In this case I'd change the goal to something like "When I have unhealthy thoughts I will quickly think about something else".

Oh and I learned another tremendously powerful technique recently that actually works better than setting goals the traditional way. It works by focusing on changing how you think about your own identity.

The idea is to use words that define the kind of person you want to be rather than how to want to get there. For example:
"I am the kind of person that doesn't look at porn" is much more powerful than "I'm trying not to look at porn anymore".

This idea works in reverse too. People who tell themselves negative things like "I'm too fat" or "I'm too lazy" or "I can't ..." are actually rewiring their brains to believe what they are telling themselves.

The reason why this works is because your brain will fight very hard against anything that challenges your identity.

I know a guy that goes to the gym 3 times a week. That's just who he his, it's part of his identity. Nobody would question it if he told them that he goes to the gym regularly because he does and it shows. But let me tell you a little secret.. he wasn't always that way. He used to hate the idea of doing exercise. He used to use the typical excuses "I don't have time" or "I've got better things to do". People can change when their identities change.

 

The key thing you're trying to do is change your mindset. Personally I find the biggest problem is falling back into your old mindset every so often. That's going to happen, you've spent years being you. Don't panic, just keep at it and you'll notice big improvements.

Once you learn this stuff, you'll find yourself realizing that you've had a negative thought, or you said something that conflicts with your goals and desired identity. It's really just about being conscious of it. Correcting yourself when you slip up and realigning your thoughts. Don't punish yourself though, that's a negative way to deal with it and won't help.

What I like to do is watch motivational youtube videos and TED talks while I'm on the train to work. The guy that talks about changing your identity is Tony Robbins. He's a pretty full on guy, some people like him, some don't but either way he's the identity guy.

The funny thing is though, after you've watched enough of them you find that they have a lot of overlap. For example, if you watch a talk by Arnold Schwarzenegger (recommended), Will Smith or Jim Carey you'll notice that when they talk about setting their goals they do it differently do most people. What they are actually doing is focusing on their identity. Their "goal" might be to become the greatest bodybuilder, actor or comedian but their "identity" is built into how they go about it. It's hard to explain, but if you pay attention you'll notice it.

No I haven't heard of James Clear before but after you mentioned it I watched this 8 minute video. He's got a lot of good ideas and a few I haven't heard before. Thanks for that.



No joke, at the 5:59 mark he starts talking about changing your identity! That backs up what I was saying about the overlap in this stuff.

And yes, goals are simply like having a map and a compass and points you where you want to go. You still need to take action to get there. I wouldn't say the "system" is *more* valuable than the goal / vision / plan, but combined together they will get you there.

 

I agree with the part of having very defined goals.
Unfortunately the body and mind take the "path of least resistance". Whatever is easy or comfortable is where the body goes.
But I think it's not just about having goals its making a commitment to those goals.
It's all well and good writing down your goals, watching motivational videos, etc
But can you stick with them? Even through tough times?
This was one of the issues I had with NoFap initially. I would make these goals about wanting to be a better person and fulfilling my potential but when temptation came I often gave in.
This time I've told myself, there is no choice but to succeed. So I'm on here almost everyday writing my own logs, responding to others and reading up new material.

To quote Alexis Carrel " Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for his both the marble and the sculptor"