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Help needed *** Possibly triggering text ! ***

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by irecovered, Mar 31, 2019.

  1. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    Hello,guys...I want to become an alpha or at least a manly guy...I wanna give up PMO ...Let me say my life story.... When I was in my lower primary my cousin sis used to dress up me as a girl not much but a bit and she would behave like a guy ...Then we used to roleplay like maid owner,hus-wife , gf-bf etc.....And after some time she got matured and she forgot about it too...I was always a fat kid so had a curvy body...After a couple of years we shifted to new place....And I had a neighbor hood boy as my friend...We used to spend the whole time together...He was almost at my house apart the time for sleeping...After some months small kinds of touching and fun came between us....We used to touch our genitials naked ....Etc etc ....Once my mom caught us ....And warned us about it ....For a few weeks we made a bit distance ...when my mom goes to outside I used to go to his house and have that so called fun ....Both of us wanted to be the bottom part...After some months we stopped talking cause he stole my watch that my school friends mom gifted me.....And all this got over ...I think all this happened when I was studying in 5th std....When next academic year started I got to new friends and they used to talk about sex 24×7 and I too joined them and one of them was just 200mtrs away from my house ....Let's name him as S
    ...He used to have sex with me ....He would put his d*** in my thigh and do it....I used to go to his home for almost every Sunday and watch porn together and I felt girly inside I would grab his di** he would grab my boobz and hug me and force me to bj....It was for him that I started to cross dress and all back then my mom had a small phone and I started to watch porn in that...And when I went to my dad's home I used to watch porn with them too in my mom's phone ..Of of them is a elder girl and the another was a elder guy....After some days I had sex with my cousin too ...We had sex frequently ...Bathed together..
    .Etc etc.....After a few months my uncle caught us and informed my parents his parents and that made a break in our relationship.... From then we didn't even talk each other ... And I became depressed and all but I came back....After that for a few times had sex with S......I changed my school had sex with one of my best friends....only once..... for a while I stopped everything.....I opened a fake I'd in fb with a girls name ....guys used to flirt with me.....at a point I started to send body pics to them and they felt that I was a girl....slowely I started to do more dirty things like wearing lingerie etc.... I made some contacts there would chat for almost every time in a day....when whenever I was alone I felt being a girl....that contined that lead to even meeting a guy in real life by then I used to crossdress and was lablled as a crossdresser...that is all feeling very depressing nw....now I chat with random men....show them my skin and flesh ....I want a come back from all this Ugly things of my life......I think
    I have gynocomastia nw
    I would ejaculate as soon as 20 seconds
    I have a 5inch dick when erect...and a small clict when flacid
    I have a female posture
    I have big ass and big thighs
    Now a days I feel like my penis becoming dull and is not getting erect when I see a hot girls pic

    I know I would look good and better if I try hard!!! Help me out guys️

    My longest streak is a 7days ....
    Nw I am 17yrs old
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 31, 2019
    Dan9876 and CH3RRY like this.
  2. Are you gay, straight, bisexual, or cross-gender? Or are you confused about it? Your story suggests that you are gay and maybe cross-gender, but of course I might be wrong. Your sister might have confused you (without intending to, of course. You were both just children).

    Also, too much porn can confuse you, making you uncertain of what and who you want to be.

    I suggest that you start with a full 90-day reboot. No sexual activity at all for 90 days — no porn, no porn substitutes, no touching your penis (except to clean yourself), nothing anal. No sex. Nothing to do with sex or sexual stimulation at all.

    During those 90 days, your brain will "calm down" and start to heal. At the end of the 90 days, you will have a better idea of who or what you want to be.

    If you truly want to be a straight man — "a manly guy" — you will feel it. Or, if you are gay or cross-gender, you will feel that instead. Or, if you are still confused, continue with the hard reboot until you are finally sure.

    Once you know who and what you want to be, you will be motivated to start doing the right thing for your life.

    Be sure to keep posting to help you keep on track. A good start is the Under-20 Reboot Log. Read the warnings.

    Also be sure to read every article, and watch every video, on the main site. Go to the home page and scroll to the bottom where you will find Get Help and Categories. Go through all of them so that you understand and accept the strange feelings that you will get in the next 90 days (you really will get some strange feelings, for example the flatline, which can make you scared if you don't know about it).

    Make a solemn vow that you will never look at porn again. If you accidentally come across it, look away immediately.

    Promise yourself that whatever you turn out to be — straight, gay, bisexual, cross-gender, whatever — that you will accept who you are, because there is no shame in it. You are who you are, even if other people don't always accept it.

    Best of luck!
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2019
    Dan9876, Zorglub and CH3RRY like this.
  3. 3nigma

    3nigma Fapstronaut

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    Alright, you wanna be a manly man? You need to stop thinking of yourself as a girl. You're not a girl. You've never been a girl. You'll never be a girl. Even if you get surgery, you'll just be a man with mutilated genitals. Start thinking of yourself as a man. At 17, you're a young man, not a girl, not a boy either. You're not "curvy", you're just fat. You don't have a "clit." You have a small dick. It'll get bigger if you lose some weight.

    Something that's oddly missing from your post is any normal interaction with the opposite sex. Have you ever kissed a girl? Have you ever been attracted to women in any way?

    Anyway, I hope you get passed this. I think you need a therapist but don't let them give you that malarky about "oh you need surgery." You need help. More help than I or anyone on this board can give you.

    Good luck.
     
  4. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    Once I had a gf but no kinds of physical touches ....Yes I feel attracted towards them and nw I am feeling a crush towards a girl of my class....I like her actually....But my complexes are not allowing me to propose her
     
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  5. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    Guys I joined gym todays back ....It's crossfit actually... And I am feeling better...But I started my journey in april1 but relapsed in april2 ...I felt my dick as a dead and that lead me to M ....But trust me no more PMO from now
     
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  6. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    I know I am a kid who was spoiled by porn .... I am very glad that people around here are very much supporting
     
  7. It's too early. You need to sort yourself out first. If you try to proposition her now, the way that you are, she will sense your insecurities and she will reject you. A woman wants a confident, forward-looking man who knows what he wants.

    Complete your hard reboot first.

    At the same time, work on yourself — work out (if you don't already), improve your diet (if it's not already good), and decide your goals (e.g. Do you still need to pass exams? Do you have a specific career that you would be passionate about? Do you have any hobbies or sports that you would like to join?).

    Get passionate about your goals, so that no one can divert you — including any woman!
    Yes, this is a great community.
     
  8. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    I have gyno any other ways otherthan surgery?
     
  9. irecovered

    irecovered Fapstronaut

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    I am feeling my dick as a dead meat as its very small i feel low esteem when i in my shirt
     
  10. rowans

    rowans Fapstronaut

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    hey you having problem of high estrogen harmone secretion...you should need to increase your testrosteron harmone your problem partial solve..
     
  11. I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying and asking.
    Don't worry about it. That's quite normal in the first week of a hard reboot. My dick was lifeless and tiny when I started. It took a couple of weeks to start feeling better, and it took a few weeks before its size started to return to normal.

    Persist. It will get better!
     

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