Love the process

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the idea of loving the process. Recovery is a process. It's not something that suddenly happens to you when you reach 90 days (or even when you reach a year) of sobriety. It's more like a tangle of string that you unravel day by day. Some days, you aren't at your best and you tangle it up even worse than it already was. Other days, you get through a lot of string, and it feels like you're really making progress. It's not a straightforward path. It's a very personal activity that takes a long time.

I have learned to love the process. In the beginning, staying away from PMO felt like a serious challenge (it still is, by the way). It was a challenge that wore me down, exhausted me, and made things very difficult during the day. After a while, my mindset shifted: staying away from PMO didn't exhaust me anymore, it uplifted me. Staying sober fills me with energy, and I love the challenge of fighting my addiction. Every day is a different struggle, but I love the struggle. I don't want to miss any of it.

If I had a button that magically transported me from my first day of recovery to my very last, I wouldn't use it because I guarantee the first thing I would do is watch porn.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: recovery doesn't come from reaching a certain achievement or from getting to some arbitrary goal. It comes from being mindful and aware through each and every day you spend in recovery. My year+ of sobriety means nothing without the reflection I've been doing every day during that year, and I'm grateful for it all.

 

Remember that every day you spend clean is a gift you're giving to yourself