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I have a crush on my supervisor but it's getting problematic

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Namekian23, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys it’s been a while since I’ve posted a thread, but I just got to get this off my chest. I’ve been having a crush on my supervisor for the last couple of months and it’s getting worse. I’ve known her for 2 years, and even though I’d never thought of having a crush on her, I finally did. Just so you guys are aware, some of you already know that women have been one of my biggest issues. And during the last few years, I’ve worked hard to improve my social skills, somehow quit my porn addiction, and so on to become a more confident person.

    I’ve been hurt by multiple women, but it has only made me stronger and wiser. On the other hand, I always gave myself credit for trying, and I’ve learned from my mistakes. Last year however, was the biggest heartbreak of them all. I’ve known this young woman since our teenage years, and she rejected me in the worst way possible. But the problem is that my supervisor closely resembles my longtime crush. They have similar personalities, physical traits, temperaments, and so on. My supervisor is now the ghost of the woman who broke my heart. And the worst part is: My supervisor doesn’t even like me!

    For a majority of the time, she’s nothing but a jerk. But that’s how she is around everybody because she’s always stressed, and at this point, I don’t know how to deal with it. In the past, many Fapstronauts have told me I have Oneitis, and it’s true. It got to the point where I was looking at her photos on Facebook and worst of all, she already has a boyfriend. I wish I could just not like her somehow, but like I said, she totally reminds me of my longtime crush who just broke my heart last year. But the funny thing is: Why am I starting to have a crush on my supervisor now, when I never liked her in the first place?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. zeekland

    zeekland Fapstronaut

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    Seems like she already laid it out for you, she isn't interested and nothing you do will change that, at this point you are going past crush and into stalkerville with the facebook stalking. I would suggest getting on a dating site or go out to a bar and see if you can find a girl worth investing in. I have always found the easiest way to get past one woman is to get on top of another one.

    They are literally dime-a-dozen so it wont be hard to replace this crush with another that's single and not have a bitchy attitude to boot.
     
  3. It's good that you have some awareness around it. And, it's completely normal to get a crush on someone who reminds you of a former gf - especially if you are still hurting. It's your minds way of trying to re-create the situation and try to achieve a different outcome.

    I feel compelled to chime in and offer a warning: Having a crush on your supervisor can be disastrous!!

    My story: zero attraction to my supervisor. The day she got promoted to being my manager and BOOM - total obsession. My problem is wanting to make a woman my higher power - but the more I kissed her ass and tried to be her bitch (thinking that she would appreciate me and promote me to supervisor) the more she abused me, took me for granted and lost respect for me. End of story: after about a year of that non-sense, I was exceptionally miserable and damn near got fired.

    Of course, your story might not be the same. But, if she doesn't like you and has a boyfriend already . . .think about it. This could get really messy.

    I think my best advice is: get busy doing other things, non-sexual, non-romantic things. And, especially when you are not at work, if you find yourself thinking about or fantasising about her . . . Stop it!. Fantasising about her and getting off on your imagination will only make the crush worse. If you don't feed it, it will go away.
     
  4. Peiskos

    Peiskos Fapstronaut

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    There’s a saying in life, don’t sh*t where you eat.

    This basically means don’t attempt to get into romantic relationships with co-workers or at your place of work period, because this is where you make your money to live..aka eat.

    Getting into relationships at work are one of the worst things one could do because if it doesn’t work out then what? everything becomes awkward because you still need to see her everyday and interact with her, in this case she would have the power to fire you. Forget about her.
     
    +TenPercent, bakes and RobbyGo36 like this.
  5. bakes

    bakes Fapstronaut
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    Maybe some unfinished business with the ex?
    I like the idea of not sh**ting where you eat. If you spend a lot of time with someone it's natural to feel some attraction towards her. I've had a dozen of cases like this at school university and work. It never ended well. You discribed some traits of her that I think you don't find admirable. That alone is a red flag. It's gonna be painful to not focus on her. But it's gonna be worth it.
     
  6. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you seem to understand where I'm coming from and you bring up some good points. As of now, I'm pretty much healed up from my last heartbreak. But sooner or later, I'll do my best to get over my supervisor. In addition, within the next few months, I'm gonna have some big goals. I'm moving out to another state, getting my first apartment, and experiencing the independent life for a few years. Women have always been my biggest issue like I said, but this time around, I'm not gonna focus on them for a while. At the same time, I have other goals I want to achieve before I have a girlfriend again.

    If this was me several years ago, I would be falling for the same trick over and over again. I've had enough experience to know that women aren't everything, and if I could get over my longtime crush, I can definitely get over my supervisor as well. In the end, she's just like any other woman and there are way better females than her. Other than that, I appreciate your advice and thoughts to my recent post.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  7. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you're saying. Technically, she's not my real supervisor because I have my own within my department. I work in a retail store and to be more accurate, she's more of a service leader at the front end. She is higher than me, but only management can actually fire me. Having said that, what you're saying is definitely true. I've learned long enough to not deal with women like her, and it was a huge mistake that I had a crush on the woman I liked last year. Both are insecure and can be very sensitive sometimes. Like I told another Fapstronaut on this post: If I can get over my longtime crush, I can get over my supervisor, and there are plenty of women out there who are better than her.
     
  8. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yes one thing about me regarding women is definitely Facebook. It's creepy and can be obsessive at times. Unfortunately, I've fallen into this trap before, but I've learned that this type of stalking on social media can be very bad for your mind and body. Having said that, I'm trying not to look at her photos, and since she's being such a bitch lately, there's no reason for me to do so or with any other woman. It's just wrong. Other than that, I've already told the other Fapstronauts that I'm having some big plans in next few months. NONE OF THEM INVOLVE WOMEN. These are specific and personal goals that I'm planning to focus on. It involves my independence, a new career, and so on. And at that point, women will be the last thing on my mind.
     
  9. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah what you're saying is true, but like I've told the other guys, this crush is only temporary. It's not like I've fallen madly in love with her; it's nothing more than a slight infatuation really. And yes, I've had experiences at school, work, my place of worship, etc. that involve this kind of situation. Even though what you're saying about the red flag is true, both the women that I am referring to can have very sassy attitudes (the kind that I'm attracted to unfortunately). But I've seen moments where they're both kind and gentle to me. So they're not total bitches, but rather two women who are just troubled sometimes. Furthermore, I've learned that these women should NOT be my kind of interest anymore.
     
    bakes likes this.
  10. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Imagine her with diarrhea. You lose nothing by trying.
     
  11. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Best advice I heard all day lol
     
  12. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, you've had a knockback. It's OK to feel like shit and that's perfectly normal. Give yourself time to grieve and get over it.

    If you're going to get over her. First is to accept that nothing will come of this. Especially that she has a boyfriend and made her bed. If you try and pursue it further, and make her change her mind. You're gonna make things worse for you. It'll get messy and won't end well.

    You may not think this right now but you're actually no worse off than you are now. But like what you said, you've given yourself credit for putting yourself out there. Also, acknowledging something's not right.

    So, what if she doesn't like you?
    That shouldn't determine your value and self-worth. You are better than that, and you deserve better treatment than that. It's her loss and you don't need her approval and that treatment anyway - even if you liked her. There are plenty of women out there that will like you for who you are.

    Where women are concerned, invest your time, energy and emotion in those who make you a priority NOT an option. I've been learning that myself more of the time. Not be overly concerned on what they say or think.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  13. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your feedback man. I appreciate it
     
    FormerFapaholic likes this.
  14. Alhabor

    Alhabor Fapstronaut

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    You got a doozy on your hands my man. I’ve never been in your exact situation but I’ve had a few strong crushes on girls that I know I would never have a chance at and I never told them. Eventually the feelings went away. I suggest dating sites if there isn’t another love interest. That’ll take your attention away from her.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  15. Alhabor

    Alhabor Fapstronaut

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    Another option is that you can tell her, get rejected and live with the awkwardness that ensues. I did this with a girl that I used to work with. I had a major crush on her for 5 years, I told her how I felt, got rejected. It was so awkward being around her at work but at least I didn’t have a crush on her anymore.
     
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  16. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Dont get your honey where you make your money.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.

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