To Approach or Not to Approach?

"Approach". I'm sure most get anxious thinking about this word. You're putting so much emphasis on it, that it makes you feel negative. I know what it feels like to be stressing over something normal and natural. You're planning out this scenario in your head, but in reality it won't even go the way you think it will. You should forget about it all together. If you happen to have an opportunity to actually go and talk to this girl, go do it naturally. Don't think about what you're going to say, go up to her and introduce yourself. You don't know what she's gonna start saying, so there's no point planning out the conversation in your head. Just let things flow naturally.

So yes, of course go talk to her if you get the opportunity. Why wouldn't you? There isn't a reason to not do it, is there? I understand your anxiety, but you can control it. Just keep the thought "I don't know what will happen, so I won't assume anything" in your head.

 

Always, especially if you got a good opportunity like that. Don't expect anything aside from seeing if she is actually a good person or not. If you click, then simply ask for her number "I should get your number before getting my legs smashed" (or whatever they do at PT).

 

@le_dank_garcon Bro, this is what I would do. Approach her, be casual, be confident and talk about casual stuff. Introduce yourself if you haven't already, ask a little about her background in medicine and tell her you look forward to working with her -- that's it!

Look, when you work with someone, you essentially have a chance to get to know them while keeping things casual. I would stay relatively professional, but you can use whatever limited opportunities you have with her to get to know her type before having to invest a lot of emotions and money getting to know her outside of work.

Do not say "yeah, your hella cute, honey bunches" as one of your first interactions, because if it backfires you'll be "the guy at work who thinks I'm cute, smh."

Be casual and cool the first couple times, feel her out and, if she gives you good cues, then look for that opening to get her number.

I'm a fan of the "excuse to communicate" approach, in which you're not exactly getting her number for a date, but for something else (a community event, a social club, to let her know of a cool store you "have written down somewhere," etc). That let's you get in and still keep everything loose and casual. But, if you don't see an immediate opening, forget it and just go for the meaty "Well, hey, if you think it'd be cool, I know of a great [insert venue type here] that we could go to. I was going to go there [insert her likely day-off here]; would you like to join me?" instead.

Just remember that work relationships can be tumultuous, because if you don't gel you could end up in a very awkward situation, which is why I would recommend a slower build up so that you can pull out if things aren't electric. You will have been "friends" (more like casual acquaintances, but she'll think of it as a friendship) before being potential romantic partners, and you can go back to friendliness as the default if things go south.

GL, bro.

 

Hey, le_dank_garcon

Definitely you should try to talk to her, just make sure to be cool and relaxed about it.

Don't expect her to be there, it would make you anxious as you will start to wonder and imagine things about her or your possible conversation. Just try to do other things, so that you don't think of her so constantly. But, if she is there or you happen to meet her in other place, just try to talk quite casually: make a joke about stereotypes of therapists. Try not to give the impression that you are thrilled by her, instead try to treat her as if she was your sister or some other woman. And don't try to ask her number, if you believe you would keep meeting her. In my experience, girls give you her number either when they are drunk or when they are, so to say, quite impressed by you (which at first my seem fine, but it can develop in something you better don't want in a relationship).

However, don't expect anything until you can interact with her.

 

So this is super late, but I would still give you some advice for any potential future encounter.

I am in the same boat as you: Anxiety sets in when I first approach somebody and start talking with them but after I get to know them I am somebody people like to be around (or so I think I am, who knows???)

With that, I hate myself, more specifically I can blame it on my now-being-worked-through PMO addiction for a similar situation not once, but Three times (Man I am a lady catcher, if only I could figure out how to hold on...):


First off, I had a girl who I did approach, and did become really close friends with, but could never for the life of me pop the question of asking if she'd like to go on a date. (Well, I did once but the timing was horrible and I, well we, decided that she should have some time to think about it but we'll get into that here in just a second!). This was about three years ago when we first started talking, and this girl was something else. We related, we had common interests, all in all we just... clicked... Well, at the time she had a boyfriend and I figured as much, but I still got to know her and we talked over various subjects (our faith, what we like, just general chat really, but I offered her support if she ever needed it for whatever reason). One day she sends me a message asking if she can talk, and me being the gentleman I am, say yes. She starts off saying she doesn't know what to do, and I can tell she's really emotional about it, and she says her boyfriend cheated on her with one of her closest friends. Long story short I played a supportive role for her in her time of need, and when I did ask her out it was more or less "hey we should hang out sometime," or something along those lines and really a vague way of saying "hey I like you, and want to be more than friends." - In the end I never really talked to her about it, and we stopped talking as often (although still do periodically) and I never asked her out, but to this day I still wonder what would have happened if I asked her out while we were close, better yet what would happen if I did right now?

Secondly, I was a co-worker with this girl about two years ago who I became good friends with, and we did flirt back and forth but she was on and off with this guy (who actually looks really similar to me after I got to see who he was but that's beside the point), and I never really saw her as somebody I would date because not only did this inter-lap with story #1 a little bit, but well, I figured she was out of my league anyways (as with just about all of these stories, I fall for the girl who is out of my reach...). HOWEVER, she broke up with her on and off boyfriend, and became adamant that she wasn't getting back with him because (again) apparently he cheated on her in some way. (Why do I attract the girls that guys cheat on? more importantly I don't understand why guys cheat on them in the first place because they aren't somebody I would be willing to lose for some sexual pleasure with somebody else, but again that's beside the point.) So we went back and forth during this time flirting (I guess, I really didn't play ball that much so it was more her seeing if I was interested, and me deciding it was smart to play hard to get and be vague. I really do hate myself looking back sometimes...) and she quite literally says, "I think we would make a good couple, you're the kind of guy I like." and my response? "Maybe..." I. WANT. TO. DIE. Not only do I miss my opportunity with this girl, I BLOW IT OUT OF THE WATER for whatever reason, and never ask her out, despite her constant attempts (looking back its obvious) at hinting for me to ask her out. She ended up back with her ex, and I got to hear about it toward my last days working there.(although she did give me her snapchat so we continued talking after I left, only for a little bit however until it ended up dying off like my hopes and dreams...) So, again, I'm left wondering "what if?", and hate myself for it even more than the first one, because I actually had a shot here.

Finally for the most recent and least interesting, just one of those crushes you form from a distance because you're spent wondering "I wonder what would happen if I talked to her, she's cute..." I had a girl in my M118 (College finite math class where I go) last semester who from day 1 I saw as physically attractive. I sat relatively close to her, and so badly desired to go talk with her but due to whatever reason (blame it on my PMO addiction, and in general bad ability to approach and start a conversation with a stranger, although I am working on both of them!) I never even spoke a word to her. Not one. So, I am stuck with that "what if?" and it really isn't pleasant.

In the end my advice for you would be to take the risk. I regret every day I didn't ask or approach somebody (specifically the first and second stories) who I even think I could become at least friends with. I do it way too often and always am left wondering what may have been. I guess this is the reason I am taking the fight to PMO now: I want to be in control, and confident when it matters (thinking back to the second story right now...) so when the occasion arises, I don't just turn on auto pilot and block out feeling.

On a good note, however, I am planning on hanging out with somebody I used to be good friends with, and well, she's female so maybe I won't screw this one up... She, just like the others, is out of my league (or so I believe, my self-esteem is still recovering from being addicted to PMO for most of my pubescent life). So, we'll see! Good luck on your endeavors, and hopefully you got a kick out of this. It IS all true, and all happened to me... I am just one unlucky fella I guess.

 

Just try bro, and so at least so know you tried. If it does not work there 100 percent be other opportunities.

 

I understand exactly what you refer to as I was exactly in your boots until my late 20's. Not until the last year (at age 30) I finally started to get rid of my approach anxiety by not only approaching and starting small-talk to several girls I found interesting but also after starting to rearrange my subconscious mind away from previous fears, failures and mistakes. It is not until you get some reference experiences you really start to grow as a man as you force yourself out of your comfort-zone, realizing it is not so dangerous as you previously thought and equally important, you can take this skill/experience into so many parts of your life I could make a long list.
Yes, you will face rejection most of the time (even the most skilled pickup-artists do) and even some blowouts here and there (1-2 times out of 10 maybe) but despite these, you will feel so proud that you had the courage that you don't care too much about your ego at that point.

One important thing to keep in mind while doing this is to totally free yourself from the outcome before any approach. All you are about to do is trying to get to know that girl/woman, right?
Also remember that having an abundance (not scarcity) mindset will help you a lot too as each rejection then will tell you there are always plenty of better women out there.

 

First off one thing I learned in over 20+ years of dating THERE IS NEVER GOING TO BE A PERFECT TIME AND PLACE TO ASK HER OUT. Second its good the above you wrote about trying rather then wondering " WHAT IF" Keep it simple don't try to overthink the wheel just ask her out . here is what I would do ask her this - " hey ( whatever her name is) things are pretty busy here but I like to hang out with you say Thursday at 7 at ( whatever place)" simple and easy to say plus it gets to the point if she likes you she will agree or state a day that maybe works better and most likely give you her phone number , if not she will give you the run around and you no what that means she isn't interested. That's all you got to do

 

noone appoaches nowdays. women choose you and make the move.

 

Don't hype her up, dude. She's just a regular person. Ever chatted up a stranger? Care-free, calm, casual. That's all it takes. Just be there, shit. You don't need to be Superman (he isn't real, by the way).