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Ashamed of our own masculinity?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by ultrafabber, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I kept asking myself.. why do we watch porn/masturbate? Why do we engage in a behavior that basically guarantees LESS contact and LESS SATISFACTORY contact with real women?

    My answer to that was initially just sexual shame, but i think it goes beyond that and it's a shame of our masculinity.

    I don't only have issues with the act of sex, i have issues being upfront with my intentions when i meet a woman, i have trouble showing interest.. ok that's about sexuality. But I have trouble in so many more areas that are masculine. I have trouble leading (leading a woman in dancing for example), i have trouble leading in general (like making decisions, organizing things), I have trouble leading myself really, I have trouble being straight forward, I have trouble being active/offensive (i'm passive/defensive most of the time), i am very reactive, i doubt myself, i am shy, an introvert and so on.

    I've always seen other men/boys as douches and perverts, i've always resented them and probably envied them. But I felt like masculinity is toxic. I think I actually identified myself as feminine, or at least not_male. I used to have and still have some feminine behaviors that i don't like at all.

    It's like I'm adding femininity to "couteract" or balance my perceived "toxic masculinity"

    So sexuality is definitely an issue but i feel like all this PMO thing goes beyond sexuality and to our core, which would/should be masculine but for some reason we repress it.

    Or maybe, do we HATE masculinity?

    What do you think?
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2019
  2. Quite true to be honest. I used to envy the dickheads /douches . They always get them girls and stuff. Even if they are what they are, I always wanted to be that kind of guy. Moved forward from that , however,sometimes I just want to be an complete asshole too ,but I cant!
     
  3. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    But did you envy them for getting the girls or just because of how brazen they were? Cause I feel I didn't really care they got girls or not (even though it stung seeing them get them) but because of how upfront and unapologetic they were with their intentions. Basically, i'd piss me off if i saw a well behaved guy/man but who was straightforward and showed a girl/woman he is interested in her (instead of doing the dumb thing i used to do by acting like a "friend"). So me acting like a girl really and "dropping hints".

    But then again, it's not just about that. It's like my overall behavior is that of a woman rather than a man. Always pussyfooting around what I want instead of taking it.
     
  4. This. I just liked how direct they were. Wanted to do something? Done! Wanted to say something ? Said!
     
  5. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    So why are we "girly" then? Because as i said, looking back, in my case I was genuinely acting like the girl: I dropped hints, I waited for girls to make a move, I waited for more and more confirmation that she is interested etc. Even if she was clearly interested I still had issues making a move and many times i just acted like i'm not interested. I kid you not, when I was a teen a girl asked me out, we went out two times, she made all the plans etc and at some point the sat us down on a bench.. closed her eyes and came closer to me. What did I do? I couldn't kiss her and I cried. LOL
     
  6. Oh man that sucked! :p
     
    Xhiddy likes this.
  7. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    No doubt about it, but it kind of sums up my experience with women and repelling them tbh.

    The thing is that when I used to masturbate or watch porn I used to be extremely "manly" and I knew exactly what I wanted, how I wanted it and so on. There IS one side of me that is masculine but I seem to do the best i can to burrow or hide it, it seems like I compensate it by acting like a girl.

    Which makes me ask myself, do I HATE masculinity? Cause it feels like that used to be the case and still is.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2019
  8. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    You should look into the anima & animus.

    Also, I feel like society has made such a divide between what is feminine & what is masculine when in reality, these two things co-exist in every human. The problem arises when the anima & animus within us is out of balance.

    I'm a tomboy. Society says because of this I will be unsympathetic, mean, & probably a closet lesbian. Not true, not true, & soooooo not true. You say you are more feminine, so society says you are weak, emotional, & probably gay. Probably not an accurate description of you, right? However, because society has perceptions on what's masculine & feminine, we tend to overcompensate on or desire to be the one that we're lacking in.

    Anywho, hope this made a little sense. Find the balance :)
     
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  9. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Actually, that would be pretty accurate, sans the gay part. I don't like that about myself at all, it's the complete opposite of what I want to be.

    I think that on the contrary, society now has a toxic attitude and wants to blur the lines between what's masculine and feminine and we end up with people that are neither.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  10. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I mean, we should all just accept how we are created & just try to find the healthy balance between the two within us. If not, we will forever be seeking to be this thing we just simply aren't created to be or what society tells us to be.

    I'm telling you man, there is a way to find a balance where you are accepting of your feminine side. When you find this balance, you will feel pretty powerful & complete.
     
  11. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Not gonna happen tbh, my feminine side ruined so many opportunities. It's completely abnormal to be like that, even for an actual woman. I had outpaced women in femininity.
     
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