Include wife in NoFap goals?

Well most women assume, and rightly, most men masturbate regularly. So your wife doesnt need to know about the porn part. It freaks them out. Most of them anyway. My wife feels it just like cheating. So perhaps youll want to tell her youre just hooked on masturbation. And you want to stop and explore the awesome things that are suppose to happen with sperm retention.

 

I think only you can answer that since we don't know your wife. Is she willing to help you through it or is she not empathatic enough to do so? Do you trust her enough to admit it to her? And if you do, why are you here, expressing doubt on that?

 

1. If she found pictures of your cross dressing habit I assume your porn addiction wouldn't phase her. She probably already knows something is going on.

2. What kind of answer are you looking for in asking others if their wives are their "cheerleaders"? What does it matter? Their wives are not your wife. Would some feel good stories help you? Probably not because your wife will react how your wife's going to react. Regardless, would it make or break your marriage if she wasn't your "cheerleader"? You should have zero expectations of her & her response to you admitting your addiction following an admission to a cross dressing habit.

Good luck

 

I would say abstain for a year or 2, then told her.

 

Maybe show her the statistics how PMO destroys marriage and express to her your commitment to abstain for the better.

 

Would you rather tell her yourself or have her discover it on her own? One way or another, it always comes out. Which do you think will have the better outcome?

 

I told my wife and she was incredibly supportive.

Your wife noted your cross dressing
and was supportive?

Doesn’t that bode well for an honesty call?

Asking for support is so much better
Than getting caught.

Therapy is an expensive lie and cover, right?

 

Tell her, get it over with. She probably is suspicious anyways.

 

Only by admitting you have a problem, can you begin to work on overcoming it. Who do you really trust the most in your life? Shouldn’t they know, perhaps they can help. As for the bombshell, it certainly will be. But with the disclosure of it, all the other problems in your marriage begin to makes sense. All the pieces fall into place with the truth on the table. With that truth, you always have to take ownership of it. You have to admit your role in the pain. You have to realize the damage that you have brought through the lies the secrecy. You have to know your actions led to her low self worth, her frustrations, and her loneliness. You must take responsibility for those things and then some, and reinforce in her that it wasn’t her fault.
As for having your wife be your AP, it is usually frowned upon, but it can be one of the best ways forward. One of the problems with it is the devestation that can be wrought by the unfiltered truth of the things you’ve done. They will also help guide your recovery. The another problem is with your wife being your AP, is you can’t just go and find another one if she doesn’t work out as your AP. You could, but then it will drive a rift between the two of you and erode trust.

 

I can only tell you from my own personal experience there was NO relief to me in knowing my mans porn problem. He truly desired me? He tells me that, as you say “I truly do desire her” but what a load of lies. Just like your wife I would cry about not feeling my man was attracted to me. I’d want to end the relationship because I felt so ugly because he didn’t desire me.I started looking up information about plastic surgery. My self esteem became almost non existent. I’m not telling this to you so you can feel bad... I just want to help you understand what she may think.

You think it might be a relief but more than likely it will confirm her belief that you’re not attracted to her. She will tell herself “if I was sexier he wouldn’t choose porn over me” she will believe she was right all along. She will be very angry....

Do you know what will make her even more angry though? Finding out on her own. This is a secret that will eventually come to light. The truth always comes out and if you didn’t offer it before it was found- she will not only think she’s ugly because you chose porn over her. She will be livid that you lied. Your secret was more important than her.

Either way this won’t be easy. Being silent might seem the easy way out but 99.99% of women are more angry about lies and secrets

 

Tell her ASAP and quit ASAP. I'm also a SO. There is no fast and easy way to do this. For me there was relief in all this coming out into the open, but in that relief was new and different pain. Otherwise I agree with everything Empty shell of a girlfriend has said. The lies have got to stop, and omitting things or not saying something is still a lie. Don't hid this from her because you are afraid you'll hurt her. You are already hurting her, trust me on that.

 

I totally agree with numb, but know it can be hard to do. Lots of luck in your relationship.

 

I’d suggest talking to her ASAP. Most of the SO here will tell you that finding out on our own is way worse

 

I agree with Empty Shell of a Girlfriend on this one.

I have had the same response. Women are raised practically from day one to compete for men's attention almost solely on the basis of completely arbitrary, constantly changing, culturally specific, and impossible to achieve and maintain standards of physical appearance and sexual desirability. So that is where your wife is starting. When she finds out that you having been choosing to direct your sexual energy toward not only other women, but toward thousands of women that are literally impossible for any real woman to compete with, of course she will not be able to believe you desire her.

My husband can tell me how sexy he thinks I am 100 times a day, but the fact is that his porn search history says, "blonde jailbait, big tits", but NEVER ONCE did it read "50 year old redhead with average-sized tits." I don't know many women who can truly get over that. Especially women who have had their self-confidence and self-worth relentlessly eroded by the combination of cultural messages AND their husband's implicit messages.

Yes - I'm afraid you have to face the fact that there is no way to get out of this thing without pain for everybody. Good luck to you both.