NoFap is hurting my sex life.

I am struggling with maintaining and getting hard. I also feel that I now have a lot of performance anxiety because of it. It’s like a cycle. I am concentrating very hard to try to maintain it or get it. I feel that when I was viewing P and engaging in M, I would get hard and maintain much easier even with her although I was beginning to fade. I am 51 so may be able to attribute some of it to age, don’t know if your in the same boat with that. She even told me to look at Porn even though she doesn’t know that I have looked at a lot of it. I just don’t won’t to do it because I don’t won’t to be dependent on it. I’ve been clean for about a month now and due to my age 51 I think I have been pretty successful in not watching at all. I haven’t engaged in M either. I do feel bad about it as well. I have thought about drinking a few drinks too and may try it this weekend to see if it may help.

 

I noticed the same, nofap just gave me shorter sex.

My erection is slightly better and more responsive, i get hard before taking my pants down, but i can last only five minutes or a little more.

Before nofap i could easily last 15-20 minutes, i even lasted for 40-50 minutes sometimes.

 

You've come so far, brother...
Can you not talk to your wife about this anxiety & how you feel about the situation?

I'd like to think she'd want to know these inner thoughts & help you with them.

 

My man, get deep with her. Open up. What a man views as weak (emotions), their wife would surely view as strength. Trust me.

Confidence & power hold so many different meanings based on personality, beliefs, etc, so it's hard for me to say a solid yes on this one. It truly fluctuates amongst women.

Of course most humans don't want an insecure person who just lays there as their mate, but I can't say what exactly makes a man confident & dominant for other women. I'd assume most ladies would agree that when we think of confidence & strength, we are not at all thinking of Fabio riding into save us on his horse. It's a man, sure of himself, faults & all, but not in an egotistical way. Then

**edit bc shitty service got cray & made decisions for me on posting. FML lololol

Anywho, don't think you need to be this manly man that can go for hours. It's not reality & most women know this & absolutely don't expect it. We expect a human who likes himself & us even more. That's really it

Man, I have been swamped. No lie. Trying to get back into some art & God willing turn it into dolla billz I've been keeping up with you, though. Some stellar reflections happening. Well done

 

It's funny I had similar doubts today myself. I've been with a girl the last three month, we have great sex, I don't have problems with staying hard but the only way I can make her cum is orally and with my fingers. I never managed through penetration. And I know she had vaginal orgasms with previous partners.
So my ego is not pleased about that situation and I filled myself with doubt. The problem is those thoughts aren't useful, they only cause trouble.

Think about what you would tell your wife if she told you that she's not feeling confident about the way she has sex with you and thinks she can't satisfy you. The answer to a person in that situation is always the same: "I'm here to enjoy myself with you, not to judge you, you have all the ingredients needed inside you at this moment to rock my world, all that's stopping you is your doubt. Relax."

Yes women want confidence, and power and all that. But those are actually bad descriptions of what's really needed. A man has to be an animal when he's laying with a woman. There's no room for thinking or judging. There's no room for rules (or consent, god forbid..). There's only the quint-essence of sex that is channeled through you. You focus on that and nothing else and she'll fucking love it, because you give her permission to do the same.

So now you're still left with the problem of cuming early. Just make her cum orally, spend the time, don't give up, you'll crack her eventually. That will elevate a lot of pressure. Maybe you already know how to do that with her, so just focus on that for now.
Then use this new life situation as an opportunity to explore and understand your porn-free body. Make her understand that it's not easy, but instead of putting it in a depressing light (which is a turn off for her) be curious and excited about it. You have every right to not be a pro from day one, especially while dealing with an addiction which deeply afflicts your sexuality.

It doesn't matter if it was better in the past. That's gone, the past had other downsides that are not around anymore today. So look forward bud!

 

I had this for a while as well. It's gotten much better. Look into Karezza.

 

bro im so sorry to hear this i have had problems as well porn is a fucking demon its really sad that nobody ever warned us about these side effects of porn. our parents truly failed us. every day is pretty much hell for me wondering if pied can ever be fully cured. every day im sad and depressed and there are women interested in me the only thing is i dont pursue them because im afraid that pied will happen again and i just can't continue to experience that humiliation it just makes me so sad and grieved. my life is pretty much in shambles right now and i have begged god to help me. i know im never gonna watch porn again im currently going through the process of selling all my electronics. i just hope what they are saying is true i hope this is something that can be cured hopefully 90 days is enough i dont know how long i can handle this depression i just feel dead. i dont even feel alive.

 

Just and update, Fallen soldier, I had a few drinks last night and about an hour or so later I was able to get and maintain an erection. It was a good one, enough to change positions and still strong. I really don’t know if it was alcohol or what because I didn’t feel much of a buzz. However, Before we had sex we did make out some, kissing etc and talked about a minute or two which was a very loving time.
I haven’t PM’d in about 30 days. My goal is to have great sex with ONLY my wife at a moments notice. So In this regard, I met that goal last night. I wasn’t trying too hard I guess and it just happened. However, It may still be ‘hit and miss’ going forward, but well see. I will continue to NOT PM and hopefully, I’ll have more successful encounters. Hang in there man and don’t give up, even before sex last night, I didn’t feel like I would be able to get hard if my life depended on it but it worked!