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Need urgent help with my problem with HOCD and porn and masterbation addiction

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Maximus19, Jan 23, 2019.

  1. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    Firstly would just like to say that I am so happy to have joined nofap. I’m excited because I really think with all of your support and solidarity, I might just be able to tackle my long term problem of severed porn and masterbation addiction which quite frankly has been a massive detriment to my life.

    Anyway, here is what I am suffering from, and because today is day 1 of my 90 day abstention from porn and masterbating, I seriously need some moral support as I am already slipping.

    I have been a severe porn addict since my early teens, and now I am in my late 20s. For years, I have watch porn every single day multiple times, and have masterbated excessively too. Anyway, what I think this has resulted in is me becoming bored with regular sex (both in porn and having regular sex with women), making me pursue more extreme, taboo and kinky avenues.

    These have included hardcore porn, anal sex, being obssesed with escorts (paying for sex), and within the last 5 or so years, being obsessed with the idea of pleasing much older masculine chubby men.

    This has caused an array of issues for me. Firstly I have questioned my own sexuality as a result of me not being able to get as hard or as excited into regular sex with women. Combined with the fact that I have found the notion of being submissive to a much older chubby man as a massive turn on, I have become very depressed about the thought that I may be gay. However, after having done some reading, I heard the HOCD is actually a thing and can be seriously influenced by the alteration of the mind by obsessive porn consumption and masterbation. Anyway, I have been on gay sex forums for a few years now, and I get turned on by taking to older dirty men, but to date, I have only met two - the first one I visited but backed out of having sex, and yesterday I gave my first blowjob. The reason I went through with it was because I wanted to see how I would react. My conclusion was that suckinga penis wasn’t as enjoyable (I didn’t feel too much) as the thought of sucking a penis when I am at home on my computer. Interestingly, I left the meet early, and no sooner had I got home when I started to enjoy the thought of having sucked his penis, and I then became incredibly horny and wanted to meet again that night for anal sex. I never did meet him again, but I masterbated a lot. Interestingly, I don’t have any urges for gay sex after I cum, so I don’t know if this is a clue.

    Sorry for the long message guys, but I need help and support as today is my first nofap day, and although I haven’t masterbated yet, I have come close and am already talking sex with another older man on a gay sex app.

    Should I delete the app and make sure I can’t get back on, and do some helpful workouts?

    Please, I need some explanation of why I am feeling this way and how to fight against it.
     
  2. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    Delete the app and continue with your target of 90days NoFap.
     
    Maximus19 likes this.
  3. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks dude, just did . Still getting these sexually arousing thought though, any techniques to help counter them?
     
  4. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    That's HOCD with a fairly high possibility.
     
    Maximus19 likes this.
  5. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    I think it may be, and it is refreshing to think that others may also think it is. Such a powerful force though :(
     
  6. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

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    There are people who start to feel like they are women rather than men due to porn. So, yes porn can really mess you up. However, you will make a full recovery once you seriously start to abstain.
     
    Maximus19 likes this.
  7. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, and this is so true! I hope it will clear up my mind
     
  8. You are not gay, trust me. When you succeed at nofap, and you look back at this, you will be utterly disgusted and in denial. This is not you. This is the evolutionary result of exposing your brain to unrealistic sexual encounters.
     
    Maximus19 and Re:Born like this.
  9. Maximus19

    Maximus19 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Spartan, I hope so .
     
  10. MikeDownUnder

    MikeDownUnder Fapstronaut

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    Sorry no, haven’t been successfully yet.
     
  11. I can understand that HOCD is caused by excessive porn use, therefore escalating to porn categories like futanari or transwoman, which can cause someone to question, but dude you gave a guy a blow job that's pretty gay, i cant even imagine a dick in my mouth without cringing. I guess i have no reason to worry then.
     

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