[365-CHALLENGE] THE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS CHALLENGE !

12/365 - Becoming a soldier.

 

11 days

 

12 day check in brothers

 

When I complete this challenge I’m going to start it again just for your posts bro!

 

These are all things I have stolen from others, but...

...I am the Good Thief - I only steal good things!

 

Day 1

 

53 days completed.

 

Fuck.

Day 0/365.

It's past 2 AM here, let's finally actually make a quick post so I can get on these rails again instead of delaying it days and days again and failing and failing again countless of times, like I've done for the last more than a month...

Soo, I was close to or perhaps even past my first month of being clean in a really long time, when I didn't post once because I was busy, and the following day again, and then the "busyness" became less and the "can't be botheredness" became more... That lasted a couple of days, until I half-relapsed (just pictures) out of the blue. -- I should add, the tension inside me from school's obligations was unusually and unhealthily high. It was killing, and in general my mental state wasn't great by any means. This spiralled downwards due to what comes next. -- I figured that if I'd keep quiet for a few days and then came back here, I could just pretend nothing bad had happened and continue my streak. That was one of the worst decisions I made that December, if not the worst. Just before I came back, poof, I half-relapsed again. And again. And then I started going back to videos... Once... twice... thrice... and many, many more times. This decreased my mental state even more (though it also greatly increased due to the holidays) and let me to again go back to the past: my proper life suffered/suffers somewhat from my addiction. Oh and I've also noticed physical and mental degradations since relapsing. Ugh. Things were so wonderful, even after just those 4 weeks of being clean...

I don't even really enjoy it. It's frustrating to find the video's I like (I have a weird thing I like to watch and the recommendations and search results on where I watch are horrendous and have become much much worse from a year ago... another reason to stop...), I feel and smell bad afterwards, I neglect other things because of it, and the feeling when finishing isn't nearly as great as it used to be... Due to not having been here for a while, I kept postponing returning and restarting my streak. "Yeah I'll return tomorrow..." *day later* "ok now actually tomorrow" *day later* "fuck I messed up again I hate this and everything" ..... ._.

So now, I'm here at 2:22 AM, with most of an important, very busy testweek coming up to me this coming week (2 tests done so far, 7 to go in the next 5 days...), finally using what's left in my balls (they are a lot emptier now than 1 hour ago >.<) to come back here to restart by reboot into reality again. This time, I'll force myself to check in every day, even if I have no time. Last time, I always wrote some text with my post and carefully read all new posts, but as this helped me start neglecting to post here, I'll allow myself to not do this and just skim (or possibly even skip) the new posts and just update my day counter quickly. This should help remove the "ugh it takes so long and I really need to go to bed it's 3 AM already" block I often had.

This post was "slightly" longer than intended (whoops I wrote for half an hour and it's now 2:32 AM) but considering I've now returned to the slow portal to the bright side, I consider it more than worth it.

Good to see some familiar faces here, I'm really, really happy to return again, and hope to stay for much longer this time.

Good night everyone!

 

Good choice of photo too, amazing what the mind can do. If Thich Quan Duc can set himself on fire, we can quit porn no problem.

 

I think you make a lot of good points here. My relapses this year have been positive in helping me become aware that the reason I got into porn in the first place and the reason I persisted in it had a lot more to do with the other problems in my life than it did wanting to watch porn. I think this is an opportunity to allow ourselves to actually be more objective about what's going on in our lives and try to get to the roots of all of our issues and become better people.

 

Day 10

 

Day 149
"We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." – Vince Lombardi

 

Day 85/365

 

Day 41/365

 

An extremely tough battle with urges the day before but I have fulfilled the 10 day milestone. Next Milestone is 14 days nopmo! Slowly but surely PMO will be defeated. Each victory over pmo can only make me stronger, teaching me lessons to inculcate for the next battle!

Have a great Sunday everyone!

 

Welcome back! I admire you honesty and candor. You are back on track

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. We are 10 days clean bro! Let's keep going!

 

Recovery is the only sane option for the addicted.

 

15/365

 

Day 293