PA's please ....Dealing with urges in the Work Place

He’s atrophing and getting very uninspired... what does he do for work where he’s apparently enabled to watch P? It sounds like he needs to put some pep in his step and he needs to get promoted or find something that requires more complex problem solving.

 

I struggled with this too, while I didn’t necessarily do this at work, I would certainly use a late night maintenance as an opportunity to binge for hours. It sounds like the basics are covered, which is ensuring he isn’t behind closed doors, even changing the environment slightly can help. Perhaps he needs a new computer setup, with less monitors, or a standing desk. Breaking that pattern can usually help with breaking the PMO cycle. Do you actually let him have disks or drives with P on it? If so it may be time to purge those. With the stress it sounds like he is in a position of power, so may be able to control DNS settings to help block the psub sites. Having to work around it may be enough time or inconvenience to have him short circuit the cycle, it only takes a moment to ask oneself “WTF am I doing?”. You may also have to put in boundaries that doesn’t allow working late, as that gives him opportunity to act out when no one is around.
I think there is more to this, though. So you’ll probably need to sit down and ask why he is using at work. Is it stress, is it accessibility, is it the environment? Unfortunately these are questions he has to answer, and he and you have to keep asking why he is using until you get to the root of problem, the solutions are in there, but he has to be forthcoming with them, and honest with himself. He’ll have to keep trying new things, until what works is found. Hopefully he can brainstorm these solutions with you or his AP.

 

Can he take a walk or a coffee break when the stress builds? Porn is escape, but maybe he needs a break. We all need breaks and we all take them. Can he take a short walk, go chat up a colleague?

The reason I'm saying this is that trying to combat porn usage by beating himself over the head with "I should be working I should be focused, etc" isn't going to help. His body is telling him something, he should listen to it, but he should do so in a constructive and positive way. A break is rejuvenating. Porn is draining.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

just piling on...
another variation of the above is to sit with the feeling. when tempted, to not try to just do something else, but to just sit with the feeling and feel it. and maybe wonder where it's coming from. to almost try to view it in the 3rd person. this might take some of the angst out of it and let him know it's just a friggin thought - and he can survive that

just an idea

 

I am drawn to this idea. Fleeing and doing can be helpful but not always fruitful. Siting and dealing is a different story. It may be a breakthrough for me. Great job @phuck-porn! for moving forward in a big way.

 

Similar problems here. Some solutions that helpes:

- website blocker for whatever is triggering (social media, news, generally everything that's distracting). Stay Focused is a good chrome extension

- turn off ALL notifications on the phone except for calls and keep the phone out of site, preferrably in a desk drawer. Studies show the further away a smartphone is, the better people can concentrate.

- start talking with co-workers more, invest in those relationships. Ask them for help with work. Delegate. It's good for everyone. Promotes teamwork, learning, synergy, etc. Get everyone involved.

- take prayer breaks at work. Keep a prayer book and journal close by. Not electronic.

- call home during the day to stay connected.

- maybe have a side project that you can check in on at work! I have small side business that I partly run on my lunch hour. Keeps me more motivated during the day to work on everything.

- I have one day a week that I go to mass at lunch. Leaving the office for that or meditation/reading time can really break up the week in a good way.

- make a schedule at the beginning of every day: what are you going to get done today (and how awesome will it feel when you're done, what are the benefits (maybe a raise, impress the boss, etc.)

- get to work early and leave on time. Don't sacrifice family time for work. That's stupid. Kids need A LOT of time with their father. They're already losing a ton to work (historically fathers worked at home, like a farm). Leave work at 5 PM sharp and get home. It's better for everyone.

- maybe get a new job if your company sucks. People make the difference.

 

Maybe adding a slightly different perspective: For me the urge was/is strongest whenever the pressure is becoming overwhelming or I start doubting why I am doing this job. So, it can be whenever an important business transaction does not materialise or hangs in the balance with all eyes seemingly being focused on you, a bonus payment being lower than expected, a working day being highjacked by dreadful admin stuff, questions over perspective/career steps etc.
We PAs all know that we shouldn’t do it at work. We all know that it could cost us our job, our career etc., yet ...

Changing work position for others to see what we are doing helps to use this social fear & supervision to fight the urge. At the same time, I am still asking myself what I can do better to deal with the frustration and pressure in the first place.

Taking walks, catching some sun rays at lunch time (yes, only 15 minutes away from the office has helped me), taking the time for a call with a friend and all of the things above have helped me too.

Probably most problematic is the relationship with the person who loves us most: our spouse. It is such a thin line to walk for them between helping and supporting us PAs and being the perceived Police controlling us. I have rejected help from my SO several times - although offered in the best intention - simply because I felt it as being too intrusive, too directive. Yeah, I hear you: behaving like a spoilt teenager at my age.

You seem to have a very good relationship and ongoing discussion with your spouse. Nothing helped me more than the ever-repeated message of unwaivering love and offer to help whenever I needed and wanted it. So, as hard as it may be for you: Welcome your partner home with open arms and be there for him. The practical steps of dealing with his workplace will unfortunately have to be done by him ... with your support whenever asked for.