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Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Newlife33, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    It's so easy to live porn free. I can see why people make fun of us who don't deal with this.

    It has nothing to do with fetishes or the videos or any of that bullshit. It all comes down to basic needs.

    I was depressed because I had neglectful and manipulative parents. This caused me to feel unloved and unworthy. This led to depression, anxiety and a feeling like I didn't belong. Which led to addictions to cope.

    I felt unloved and unworthy because *my parents were incapable of love and unworthy as parents.* Of course I'm going to feel that way because those are the people that raised me and they feel like they are the most important people, which should be the case.

    But it wasn't. And it hurt.

    But I am capable of love and I am worthy. It is ok for me to go out into the real world and make new friends, new relationships, new connections and so on. It is ok to feel love and to be loved and to get love and to ask for things and to express myself and to be a human and on and on. When I am doing these things I don't even have time for porn, it's not even an option.

    Long story short, stop worrying about the porn. That isn't your issue man. I don't know what happened to anyone else, but I know without a doubt the core issue for me was to realize what happened in my childhood that led me here. Once that was sorted out, it became easy to figure out and become myself and stable and thrive.
     
  2. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    It was the same for me, i understand you well.
     
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  3. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, I'm sorry you went through that but happy you are working on yourself now.

    If you don't mind, I am curious about a few things.

    Once you had this realization, did you notice that a lot of people in your life that you surrounded yourself with were also the same way?
    Also once you realized it were you able to then notice people who are depressed? I'm so so so overwhelmed right now because when I meet someone or even see people in the street I can almost immidietly tell whether they are depressed or stuck in truama. It's really disturbing. I'm hoping it fades as I get happier and more stable, but right now it's daunting.
     
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  4. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Not really, i only realized that many of my friends were like me, in the sense that they probably had the same kind of energy and same problem in life.

    Beside that, i never recognized immediately if someone is depressed or in trauma. Many depressed people smile a lot and are easy-going.
     
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  5. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I can relate to all my friends being the same way and having the same problems. I had to leave behind almost an entire Social Circle because I got better and they refused to or werent aware of it. Are you finding that your social life is changing for the better with new people as you heal?
     
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  6. Travis90210

    Travis90210 Fapstronaut

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    Had a similar realization. When I was younger I switched schools and got bullied and really let it get to my head. People might think that it's all in the past but that kind of thing can stick in your mind and you start perpetuating negative beliefs about yourself. I think some of those beliefs are the reason I keep turning to PMO, and I'm doing my best to be mindful of all my emotions and thought patterns.
     
  7. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    No, i only left my old social circle, but didn't find a new one, i became quite asocial in the last 2 years, and honestly nofap is not changing this fact.
     
    A Batman likes this.
  8. D23

    D23 Fapstronaut

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    Thank You for sharing. Im currently in the battle myself. I can relate and have used pmo as a couping tool but I will no more. Im numb now from pmo but I wont be forever. Posts like this give me hope. I was so destroyed by my addiction.
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  9. Mskscollect

    Mskscollect Fapstronaut

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    I've delt with and overcome depression and anxiety as well, and I do find that I can read and notice when someone has or is going through trauma or depression. I can't notice everyone that is going through something but I can definitely see a lot of people. You say it's daunting but I see it more as like a great power to relate and emotionally connect to and understand somebody :)
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  10. I can relate to this,
    As I’ve changed one of the hardest things to deal with is old friends not liking my change, but it’s more subtle and devious than this, and I often fall for it, I hope I’m making sense, it’s like the crabs in a bucket that won’t allow any out, one nearly gets out but the others pull it back down
    I know the answer to all this problem is believing in myself
    I hope you do also brother, stay strong, stay free
     
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  11. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I like your mindset! I think it's just hard right now because when I meet someone in trauma or depression it sort of brings me back to that time and I get sucked into their emotions. But the more I get away from my trauma and depression the easier it is to have boundaries.
     
  12. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I feel you on all of this. My co workers some of them are really spiteful and mean toward me because I am moving up in life and they are trying to hold me down. It takes a bit of boundry work but I'm starting to eliminate them from my phyche. But it still stings to have people not respect my change.
     
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  13. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Have you ever seen the movie Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? There's a scene where he takes a "leap of faith". I try to picture that as the feeling I need to have in my new life. Everything is going to be uncomfortable and new and it's going to take a lot of faith to just go out and talk to people and try to socialize. And it's going to be embarassing too!

    But those feelings all fade and you begin to realize everyone is struggling and needs more friends and I began to connect and enjoy life.

    Also meetup.com I used to find social groups and I went to one new social thing once a week. Some sucked and some were great. Overall tho it built a nice little soft social network.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Mskscollect

    Mskscollect Fapstronaut

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    Oh that's a common issue, where you tend to mirror emotions with other people. Eventually with the right thoughts in mind and experience you learn to sympathize without literally feeling emotions for someone else's strife. Good Luck man, you'll get there :)
     
  15. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

     

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