Justin: My Story

Hi, Justin here. I live London. I am addicted to sex. Justin the sex addict. I guess it does have a ring to it.

So I have wasted so much time on porn and Grindr. I have become very depressed and cynical. I am seeing a therapist but it is not working. I know porn and casual sex are the root of my problems.

I get turned on when a guy is being very verbally abusive, but I always feel disgusted at the same time. I don't want to blame porn for all my problems but I think it has had a huge influence on my sexuality and I start to enjoy being verbally abused during sex. Sex has become a form of escape for me and I watch porn and have sex with insensitive, rude and abusive men whenever I feel horrible about myself. And after sex I often cry in bed and feel even worse about myself and start to have suicidal thoughts.

I am fairly sex-positive. I mean I am a flaming homosexual so of course I like hose monsters and having sex with men. But porn isn't about sex anymore. Nowadays, porn is more about power and degradation. It sexualises abuse and humiliation, and it makes it extremely difficult to have a healthy incorporation of carnality in the context of everyday life. So it's time to stop. My new year's resolution I guess.

So here is what I am gonna do:

-> I hereby solemnly swear that I, Justin xxxx, will stop watching pornography and masturbating completely.

-> Stop having casual sex with those scab-eating bug-eyed bags of subcutaneous fat from loserville on Grindr who couldn't care less about my feelings.

-> I can still have sex, but I have to be more selective and do it with the right people. I am sorry but I am not sexless and frigid like Thatcher.

-> Stop mistaking abusiveness and aggression for confidence and masculinity.

-> Be friends with guys who won't think about oral sex every time I open my mouth. I need some positive male figures in my life. Boy trying to think of one nice guy and I am blanking.

Sorry if this post is a bit long. I have been really honest about my feelings here and it is actually very scary. I know many people will make fun of me but they are free to suck a hot one. I am here because I know something is wrong and I need to change. And I do need some emotional support since I don't have any friends and anyone in my life that I can talk to. Sometimes loneliness drives me insane.

Thanks for reading.

 

Dunno. I am new to this. But feel free to message me and maybe we can support each other.

 

Thanks. I will definitely follow your journal.