Day 78, feeling pretty bad again.

I understand that, everybody got helped by different things, you have to do what better suits you.

 

If this helps you,i had bad rhinitis at day 70 (more or less), it was hard to breath, one night i wake up and i couldn't breath, i panicked, i thought i was having a heart attack and went to the emergency room.

They check everything there and everything was ok, i think it was just withdrawal symptoms.

 

Just like you. Thx for Sharing. I am at 90-95 days on my streak. Last Week I have felt just like you, feeling little demotivated, late slept at night, more depressed, anxietiy, avoiding exercises, feeling lost, aimless and useless and the urges. This time these were more bearble and were not hard like the fist times of PMO, but mad me frustrated and disappointed little bit. But I know well that these are gonna get past, and the only way for me is PMO, nothing else. Relapse is awful thing, and I dont want to go back there. and this addiction coming from at least 20 years for me, But not gonna be easy of Course. But It will be ok I'm sure. Just keep going like this.

 

I just joined this forum, Thursday was pretty bad day( nothing unusual) my mind was just carving for some P.
What I have learned is just forcing yourself for not watching P. Is not gonna be big help. You have to keep all the aspects in mind.
For exp.
What triggers those urges?
How do u deal with it?
This is my first reboot, i’m Looking for something positive.
Doesn’t mean my life is going perfect, but I just look for bright side.
You are married brother, u have kids. Think about them what kind of role model u wanna become for them?

 

Even if i'm not seeing big results for now, i have to say i don't want to go back to porn, and beat my meat to it like a looser. The idea of doing it makes me feel like shit.

 

I've been pmoing for 20+ years, i obiously can't pretend to feel great in 2 month.

Right now you're in the middle of withrawal symptoms, i've been there, it's hell, in this moment you just have to keep going, they won't last.

 

Hello my friend,
First of all I want to thank you for your open words. I think you suffer a lot. I have the greatest respect for your fight against pmo. I am porn addictive since 35 years and I am since 20 days free of pmo. Every day is a ver hard fight for me, but I know it is worth the fight my brother. My brain and body has to heal and this hearts but it also means it is healing. I just read a quote: you can choose between the suffer because of selfdispline oder you can suffer because of relapse. I think the first is better. Please keep on fighting my brother. You are not alone. Remember why we started.

 

Very interesting NYT article about symptoms and pathway of opioid addiction. Strikingly similar to our struggle. Dopamin fix is dopamin fix, no matter how you get it. Granted, heroin is way, way worse as it literally cause dopamine brain overload, but chemistry behind it is pretty much the same:
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/us/addiction-heroin-opioids.html

 

Are those attempts back to back after a single failure? If so, were you feel mentally and physically better? Life was good?

 

No, they were far apart unfortunately inside 5 years time frame. I had a lot of shorter streaks, but didn't really count them. Life became more normal after 100 days or so of no PMO. I was in better physical condition, but I can't say for my mental state. I could think more clearly, emotions became more intense and that was part of my problem. I'm prone to anxiety and removing PMO from life also removed my stress "coping" mechanism so I become more anxious in general. I tried to to ease things by regular exercise but it only helped to some degree. When life hit me really hard, stress was too high so I relapsed and my compulsive behavior returned.

 

I'm no expert at all but doing cardio regularly helps with balancing the body's chemistry. I think of it like the car I drive every day through city streets. If I drive it once in while in a highway at high speed, it "cleanses" the system.

 

It sucks but it seems its "normal". Even after 100 days I've felt like walking trash. It is very discouraging, but looks like it is the way it is. No other option than keep going