The truth about having a "girlfriend"

You have learned a lot, so well done for this. It's a shame that two people had to be hurt for this, but unfortunately that's life.

You are right about putting someone's needs first. When you love someone, you attend to their needs because it feels right. Love is selfless.

 

it's so interesting I was just making a very similar comment on another thread about loneliness. I was just saying that we can not really love someone if we are needy and do not have peace being alone.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/loniless-as-cause.206820/

While it is true that we as human beings on the physical level will always be incomplete because of the whole Yin-Yang energy flow thing, it is completely possible for us to be fulfilled and contented being single - I find that most of my life when I'm single I want to be in a relationship but after I get in relationships I tend to miss my single life and then my mind starts to compare my gf with other people's gf and starts to think maybe i'm settling here.

 

What you just described was one of the main reasons for why I didn't pursue a relationship when I was younger (although I had the chance of doing so a few times). First of all, I didn't have the confidence, priority, or overall life-experience to feel safe in pursuing it at that point. I was already quite damaged by PMO at the time and me being in a relationship would only have had the physical (not spiritual) aspect to it at the time which wouldn't have made it long-lived anyway.
I had so many friends and team-mates who were mostly in relationships just for the sake of it (because of MS-society's view and expectations), who never looked for self-improvement and who became miserable in the long-run. Since I focused on self-improvement instead, I am today by far the healthiest individual in that former circle of friends, both spiritually and physically.
Whatever you do, do never comply with modern society's standards just because it is expected of you!
Go your own way and develop yourself to rise above the lousy mediocrity that MS-society offers and envisions.

 

These are very wise words. I'm experienceing something similar right now and you're writing excactly what I'm feeling and thinking the last months. Thanks for this essay, I'll save it on my phone

 

Very good post!

 

The problem isn’t having a girlfriend per se, the problem is women in general are solipsistic, self obsessed, hypergamy obsessed, prone to lying, have no sense of accountability or responsibility and cannot process logic, reason, rationality or empiricism.

No real man values a woman as a “soul mate” or anything like that. She might be a lover or mother to his kids etc and a good wife but she will bring more problems and drama into your life than she solves. In fact, she doesn’t solve ANY problems at all. Ever.

That isn’t to say she is without value, but if you look at who is asking you “do you have a girlfriend yet?” I guarantee you that question is being asked mostly by women. If men ask you, I guarantee they’re middle aged and unhappy in their relationship with their wife, and just want you to be as unhappy as them.

Mate, I’m in a relationship with a decent woman, have been for five and a half years. I’ve had two other long term relationships. I’m 36. I can honestly say at no point has a relationship made me happy.

That’s not what it’s for.

It’s there for you to have children. For you to replicate. It’s NOT ABOUT YOU.

Every emotion you have is there to help you to survive and replicate.

That’s it.

A traditional relationship is a woman’s territory and nothing about it is designed to fulfil your needs as a man.

It is a way to keep you out of trouble, for society to run smoothly and a way for you to have children.

The vast, vast majority of women will contribute absolutely nothing to your life, in fact, they will parasitically take from your life. They’ll take your time, your money, your assets, your energy (in dealing with their constant drama and problems that never end), your children, your house, your pension, etc etc. There’s a reason women en masse vote for socialist policies (more free stuff for them, stolen from productive people).

So don’t expect a relationship to make you happy, don’t expect a woman to make you happy. If you really want happiness, take a look at Stoicism or Buddhism or something like that.

Also, don’t go MGTOW.

Just accept women for what they are.

Accept your drives for what they are.

And be a man.

A man goes for what he wants, doesn’t care about people’s opinions of choices he has reconciled with himself, lives consciously, and takes responsibility for his decisions.

 

When other people question you about having a girlfriend, it's only as annoying / shameful / sickening / triggering as you let it be. It means that you care about it as much as they do. It means you value and place too much importance on other people's opinion and expectations of you.

They don't truly know who you are or know everything that's happening in your life. So most people are judging you and nit picking at you on a very superficial level. So when their opinion of you bothers you, you end up placing more value on that than your own self respect. Placing more importance on appeasing others, being liked by others, and avoiding criticism rather than just living your life the way you want to with your own circumstances.

So just say "no, I don't have a girlfriend" without having to defend yourself or explain why you're not like everyone else that's deemed acceptable by society. No need to change their opinion. No need to think badly of them for asking the question. No need to rush or be desperate to attain a girlfriend. Just let people judge you if they have nothing better to do. It really doesn't matter.

 

Thanks for posting. Love is doing the simple things like if your girl is sick getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go get her an aspirin. For me i feel like I am confusing the idea of being in love as opposed to loving. Being in love is idolatry; it's why adam did what eve told him even though he knew better (sorry to go all biblical but provides a little context)

 

Wow. Just… wow.

You poor man. I'm glad that I'm not you.

 

The worst was when an old Pentecostal church I used to attend always used to make me feel bad about being single. I was okay with it, but going to that church always made singles feel like something is wrong with them because they weren't married.