1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Extremely sad. Help

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by SullivanKyle, Dec 15, 2018.

  1. SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

    37
    36
    18
    Hi guys. I don't wanna bother you with my relapse story. I'm sorry for the long post. I'm feeling really sad right now. I know it's normal after a relapse but I feel I can't reach more than 10 days anymore. Maybe I'm being too negative and caring too much about the days without PMO, but seriously, I'm sorry for this post. This forum is the only place I can search for help. I know there are some other websites but I feel safe here to be honest. There are a lot of nice people on this forum trying to help eachother.

    I just wanna quit pmo, find a girlfriend and a job. The last time I got 15 days was on October. After that I couldn't get more than 10 days. I feel really sad for that. My last streak was 4 days. Today I was wasting time on the internet till I started to search for some "actress feet" and here we go... I started a new urge. I thought that wasn't a big deal, as we always think. Tonight I went to a confraternization from my dance group. That was a good time, a lot of pretty girls, friends, drinks and food. This is not the kinda place that we go to get laid. I don't go to hard parties or raves. I couldn't stop myself of looking to that pretty girls. I've tried but I failed again on monk mode.

    So I thought on my self: from now to January 14th, there is nothing important to happen, like a party, another confraternization, meeting, etc. I'll stay at home doing nothing. So that's why I relapsed. Me and my family don't celebrate christmas anymore or my birthday one day later of christmas. I have no money to travelling. So yeah I'm pretty fucked up.

    The thing is I have no idea what to do next. It's been 2 years since I started nofap. My longest streak was 25 days. I know that sounds like I'm bitching and this post can't help anyone but does someone that already passed to this situation when you tried everything to stop pmo and you didn't success could help me? I've tried a lot of things. I know it's hard when you stay at home allday and a lot of you could tell me to just "find a job" but I already tried. It's really hard to find a job in my city atm andI can't move out.

    In my opinion a job is not the answear. I think anyone can stop an addiction even staying at home. So I ask for help one more time. When I see my crush after a relapse I feel like a loser and that I'll never get a chance of hanging out with her. I know I don't need to get 90 days without pmo just to have a chance with a girl and that a lot of guys that meet girls every week do masturbate sometimes. But I feel like this is the only way to me to have success with girls. I already wrote my triggers and my nofap motivation but that didn't help.

    And one more thing. I won't give up of nofap. If there are thousands of guys around the world that conquered the freedom from pmo, then I can do it too. I always thought: "If I'm doing something wrong is because there is something that I don't know yet".
     
    Zimzi and Scarab Beetle like this.
  2. Scarab Beetle

    Scarab Beetle Fapstronaut

    104
    133
    43
    Hey man, I can totally understand what you are going through. I have had this addiction since 10 years, I am 28 now. I have never been able to control my urges more than 5 days. I have tried multiple times to talk myself into letting it go but it always spirals back to me when I am at my strongest urges. There are a couple of things which I have been suggested by the good people on this forum (by the way, I joined yesterday), which may help you beat the urges, like you said you have been 25 days without PMO so you definitely have more willpower to control it. The thing about these urges are that they always pop up whenever our mind is free, or we have nothing else to do. So we need to keep ourselves busy so that our mind does not wander to those places. Now I know, you don't have a job yet but its not about the question of getting a job, as I have once masturbated and watched porn go get away from the stress of doing the job. So, what my main point was is that you need to indulge in something which will relax and divert your mind, not stress it out more. Here are some tips for you man-

    1- Go out for an instant walk outside whenever you get those urges
    2- Take a cold shower if its too much to control
    3- Try reading a good book (not an erotic book) , preferably a good literature book
    4- Stay constantly active on the forums, it does not matter if you fail your PMO streak, everyone does it , we are here to help you
    5- Exercise, meditate and cut off on junk food if you are having it regularly. This will help your body to be adjusted to the withdrawal phases which most of us experience at some point
    6- Stay away from social media like Facebook, Instagram and any other site which has revealing images of girls or other people. I have once gotten aroused by seeing an image of a celebrity on IMDB. So you get my point.

    These are some of the tips I have seen on the forums. I myself am trying to conquer this challenge and I believe with all our joint efforts and with the continuous support of each other we will definitely triumph. Good luck to you my brother. Do let me know if you want to share or talk more.
     
    SullivanKyle, Saauu and Romans 6 23 like this.
  3. Hardcandy

    Hardcandy Fapstronaut

    In my opinion the most important part of your post is that you were wasting your time on the Internet. We have all been there and you are aware that many of us ended with the resetting of the counter...

    Scarab’s 6 points are crucial.

    Yesterday I had a very good opportunity to PMO, my wife fell asleep with my children, thus I had the whole evening for myself. You know what I mean... But I was able to do some chores, to clean a bit, to exercise. When she woke up she was surprised and very happy that I helped her with the house.

    For me it is important to have some short plan for upcoming days, small goals that you can achieve.

    Stay strong and motivated! The change is within a reach!
     
    SullivanKyle and Romans 6 23 like this.
  4. Haggiszen

    Haggiszen Fapstronaut

    20
    33
    13
    Hey Sullivankyle, thanks for your share.

    Firstly, you don't need to apologise of feel sad or that you are disappointing anyone by sharing what you share here - that's why this portal exists and everyone here is here to support each other.

    Secondly, perhaps you just need to shift your perspective away from self judgment and harsh self criticism? So what you had a few relapses? It seems that if you shift perspective and add up all the PMO free days you could already have a significant number of days since you started when you have been PMO free. You probably just need to work on a few things;

    1) Identifying your triggers and building up awareness and work arounds
    2) Finding alternative ways to spend your free time that are constructive and a channelled way of focusing your energies....dance sounds good......maybe some other active outlets
    3)Work around your self criticism and judgment.....perhaps by learning to meditate and dealing with the inner dialogue and noise.

    You are doing great brother, hang in there! Failure is part of the process!!

    Hug,

    Stephen

    PS it's ok to be attracted to people.....you don't have to be an absolute monk, and even if you are you don't always need to act on attraction. Enjoy healthy interactions and healthy flirtations!
     
    SullivanKyle and Romans 6 23 like this.
  5. SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

    37
    36
    18
    Thanks for your support man! I really appreciate it. We're here to help eachother and those are good tips. I actually relapsed last night but my 25 streak was 3 months ago. Social media really sucks specially for Fapstronauts. I only use whatsapp for communication and youtube for entertainment. But I have a lot of triggers, and when I say a lot is A LOT. So I have to be very carefully about looking at women.
     
    Scarab Beetle likes this.
  6. Check my tips for depression or anxiety:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...rid-of-depression-and-anxiety-my-tips.206771/

    And remember, you are more stronger than you can ever imagine.

    If I had to describe what I was in school years, in puberty big looser and who became of me after I started to develop my personal growth and opened my eyes and mind around 5 years ago. You would not believe it. If you are not self-confident, you are dealing with what other people think about you, think wrong about yourself, believe that this can turn 180 degrees. Everything is possible.

    So do not give up and believe in yourself. I believe in you.
     
    SullivanKyle likes this.
  7. SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

    37
    36
    18
    That's an awesome testimony man. I feel happy for you. As I said I already gave up of social media. That was one of the best things I ever did. As you said it's important to have our mind busy and have small goas. I need that in my life. I developed a new hobby which is a kind of old portugal dances. I don't know what I could be doing of my life if I wasn't doing that. It's a great hobby and I love it. It's the only way I can make my mind busy when I'm not at home. I really want to start working and going to the gym too.
     
  8. SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

    37
    36
    18

    Thanks man! Yeah I have a lot of triggers tbh. I feel my mind is not a "normal mind". pmo addiction did it to me. Attraction is normal as you said but for me sounds like it's something really big.
     
  9. SullivanKyle

    SullivanKyle Fapstronaut

    37
    36
    18
    Thanks man! I'll check that out!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Hardcandy

    Hardcandy Fapstronaut

    Then try to set a goal of sending 3 applications every week. It can make your mind busy, because you will be looking for good job offers.

    Try to set a date for a start of your gym , maybe January? If you have some time before Christmas then maybe upcoming week. If you don’t have money for a gym, you can start doing push-ups or squats. There are many solutions how to do it at home. Maybe some challenge connected with the exercises?

    Stay strong and motivated!

    You hobby is absolutely brilliant, I will keep my fingers crossed for your success!
     
    SullivanKyle likes this.
  11. yyz33

    yyz33 Fapstronaut

    106
    50
    28
    My advice is to use a lot of p blockers to get yourself off the ground. the best combination I have found are as follows:

    FOr the Phone: 1. Offtime app 2. Spin Browser App
    For the laptop: 1. pluckeye extension 2. Cold turkey 3. k9

    That'll do it.
     
    SullivanKyle likes this.

Share This Page