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The lie of "good porn"

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Nagual, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. Nagual

    Nagual Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellow rebooters,

    maybe you know this situation: Your are on a good streak, you overcame the phase after the relapse where porn disgusted you and was your biggest enemy and the phase in the flatline where you just weren't that interested in porn and sexuality and it was easy to avoid porn.

    Now, after the relapse and the flatline you get more and more urges and you start questioning nofap. You tell yourself lies, that porn maybe isnt that bad.

    To be honest, Im struggling a lot with these lies right now. I telling myself something like "just look at lesbian porn and it will be fine" or "your goal was to get away from hardcore porn and not from soft porn, so this will be fine" ..

    Can anypne relate to these lies your telling yourself? How do you handle this, I would appreciate any advice :)
     
    Oldman56 and thorswrath32 like this.
  2. Mckell

    Mckell Fapstronaut

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    I think that even the underwear ads in a magazine become “porn” if they cause the same stimulus/response behavior an individual is trying to overcome. For me, I’m very careful about monitoring my reactions to all of the stimuli out there. Even if it doesn’t “look like a rose, or smell like a rose” if my brain is reacting like it’s a rose, I’m being very careful.
     
  3. Mckell

    Mckell Fapstronaut

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    I know that when I wasn’t being honest with myself, I would have these mental wrestling matches that were completely exhausting because I knew the endgame was that I would eventually find something to trigger me. I guess what I’m saying is “If you’re looking for a trigger, it’s pretty easy to find one ANYWHERE.
     
  4. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
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    Just remember if you don't fully abstain from all of that, you'll never be the you that you truly are, just a weaker version. It all comes down to mental strength.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2018
    Mckell likes this.
  5. I went through that phase for ages when i was trying to quit the first time round. Addiction is a real b#tch. We try to give ourselves an excuse for relapsing, we feel the urge but we know not to act on it but rather than let it pass or re-focus, instead our minds turn to a way to overcome the mental barrier we are so desperately trying to enforce. Think of it like trying to get something out of your mother or father, if father says no (because he thinks maybe hanging around with a certain person is a bad influence and is probably right) then you go to your mother and try a different tactic, they both have an argument and because the father is submissive to the mother he gives in and you get your way, but you knew that would likely happen all along.

    The mental barrier is like a parenting instinct, you know that something might be bad for you but another part of your brain which only focuses on the thrill or pleasure (like the mother) tries to overcome the barrier (the father) and then there is things like internal harm reduction narratives, they are like little white lies you tell yourself as in when you said to yourself 'if i only watch lesbian porn it will be ok' or you might say 'ill just take one little peek' or it could be 'i need something to cheer me up' or you might be defeatest and say 'i've failed before so i might as well fail again'

    All of this is part of the internal battle any addict will face, with drugs for example you might be trying to overcome a cocaine addiction but say to yourself 'i will go out and drink beer only tonight and i'll be fine' yet for the last two years 9 out of 10 times you get drunk and give in and end up relapsing despite makiing a promise to yourself you wouldn't get any drugs.

    It's important to understand that dealing with this takes an approach from different angles so you will need to not only work on your motivations for quiting but also the emotional triggers, how you are living your life, what your aspirations are, any past unresolved issues etc which is why it helps to talk to someone who can support you and guide you like a therapist. Remember you are not alone in this, we are all here to help each other. If i can do it so can you
     
    Nagual and Mckell like this.
  6. Mckell

    Mckell Fapstronaut

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    Great analogy and couldn’t be more correct in that it requires a multi- faceted approach. It’s very (and literally) maddening when your own brain is arguing against you. LOTS of trial and error, stumbling and setbacks should be expected and mentally prepared for. They happen to everyone and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed and be heartened by the thought that it will take less time to recover from this (if you’re serious about it) than it took to end up in it’s depths
     
  7. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    I never experienced such lies. However, I sometimes told to myself that I would watch a last porn and then quit. This is a lie to ! I should not watch porn ever and never try to end with a perfect video. There is no "perfect video", just porn and this is something we should all avoid forever. Sorry if I sound a bit extreme but this is what I think :cool:
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Let me deal with your main question first: "How do you handle this?". I agree with the other posters, porn escalates. If you start easing yourself back into pornography using porn that you feel is morally OK then you will slowly be led back into the porn you know to be wrong. The best way to resist the porn that you know is wrong is to resist all porn. Your daemons will try to trick you back into porn, it is too pleasurable and important to turn aside from with ease, but you can overcome them. Just use the same techniques you have been using thus far (I brain-dumped a list of the techniques I have found useful here)

    But I I'd love to see the other question tackled: is there a good porn? I think porn is evil for a myriad of reasons, but perhaps those reasons only apply to commercial pornography. I'm never going to use any pornography again but I would like to understand my morality around this. Recently @SuperFurryThing started a thread about an anti NoFap article that appeared in the New Statesman (his thread's here). One of the things we discuss there is the 'expert' view quoted in the article. The woman quoted (she's not really an expert on NoFap) likes pornography but not the pornography built by commercial pornographers.
    Her site and writing is laden with triggers, but if you are feeling strong then here's her anti Mind Geek article https://www.girlonthenet.com/2016/10/05/porn-according-to-mindgeek/
    My gut feeling is that all pornography is ethically wrong but I would like to have the arguments sorted out in my head.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    When you tell yourself this lies, there can be 2 reason behind it:

    1- You did not understand the damage porn has done to your life
    2-You did not touch the bottom hard enough to understand how bad porn is.
     
  10. Oldman56

    Oldman56 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely I can relate but I know its satan trying to rule and I pray.
     
    Immature likes this.
  11. Clemm

    Clemm New Fapstronaut

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    Do you really believe that you are going to stay far off hardcore porn, when you are still in the same website, watching sex? I tried it, it didn’t work as you could expect. What worked for me is to stay off porn completely, even off photos or any sex related content. When it becomes an habit to fap without porn, I believe you are on the right track, in a much better position. I personally started a NoFap challenge once I hit 120 days without porn. By doing so, you might “relapse on masturbation” but you can’t easily relapse on porn, because you concretely achieved something, and fap without porn is now an habit for you.
     
    Nagual and Romans 6 23 like this.

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