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My situation - apologies if this turns into a long post

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by anewhope, Jun 23, 2017.

  1. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Congrats on the offer! Glad things are going well.
     
  2. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    That is so amazing to hear! Congrats!!
     
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    A new hope indeed! Fabulous news - love to you and yours.
     
  4. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    I thought I would use my original thread to post an update. I was in two minds whether to write this, because I know that others here are going through particularly difficult times at the moment and I did not want to seem insensitive by posting how positive things are in my life just now. In the end, I decided that I should, because my friends here will be gracious enough to be pleased for me, not resentful, and because amid the understandable gloom on this site, we need to hear some success stories to keep us from sinking into depression and feeling that it is all hopeless.

    So, by way of a very quick recap, sex had been one of the few problem areas in my marriage for many years, with my wife's interest dwindling over time to almost nil. We would have sex once a month if I was lucky, though I was desparate for more. If I initiated more frequently I was rejected, leading to resentment and rows. When the peri-menopause hit, what little libido my wife had left vanished and she kicked me out of the bedroom telling me she never wanted to have sex with me ever again. (Yes, she literally shouted that in my face). As you can imagine that was a real low point, and I fell back on PMO for relief and solace.

    Years passed, and one happy day, my wife restarted our sex life. Since then, we've been having sex most weeks and using an 'only she initiates' rule to avoid re-awakening the rejection issues of the past. Despite reconnecting with my wife, I found it difficult to quit the PMO habit, which I'd indulged in all my adult life and I started to develop PIED. This was a wake-up call for me and last year I found NoFap and managed to quit for over a year.

    But addictions are hard to beat and, perhaps brought on by the stress of a new job, or perhaps just becauase I am a weak-willed wanker, I relapsed and am still feeling strong urges to look at fetish porn. Thus I returned to NoFap to stiffen my resolve (amongst other things).

    The last few weeks have been really positive. We have both been feeling very cuddly and enjoying lots of hugs. My wife asked if we can start sleeping together again :) so that we can have more cuddles.
    On three occassions she has been the one to turn a platonic cuddle into wild fucking. (Sorry but that just seemed the only way to describe it). She has initiated twice in the last three nights which just wouldn't have happened for the last ten years or more. But best of all, with more sex has come a feeling of supreme contentment and closeness. [Serious trigger ahead] For example though we'd made love as recently as Thursday night, last night she came to bed after me and woke me up dressed to kill. She was very horny and soon wanted me inside her. Thanks to NoFap I was able to oblige and stay fully erect for her. After ten minutes or so, she wanted to orgasm and we swapped positions to focus on giving her the stimulation she needed, which on this occasion meant my no longer being inside her. After five minutes of both of us focussing on various parts of her gorgeous body, she came with a strong, long, satisfying orgasm. As she recovered, we lay with her legs wrapped around my waist, arms around each other and my head resting on her chest. She was totally spent and within a couple of minutes she murmurred that she was drifting off to sleep, and offered to do something for me. I told her no, so that she could just let her body do what it wanted to do and fall asleep.
    I lay on her chest, feeling the warmth of our bodies and breathing in the heady aroma of sex as she drifted into a deep contented sleep. I was still horny but supremely happy.

    I do hope that the PAs and SOs here can also get through the dark days and get back to a place of deep connectedness and happiness.

    ANH
     
  5. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    You ever heard about the Marriage Course? It's worth checking out!
     
  6. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Hi, thanks for your interest and your suggestion.

    I have read good things about The Marriage Course and if we were ever to hit the rocks again, I would certainly consider it, even as an atheist. However, I am happy to say that at the moment our relationship is better than it has been at any time in the last twenty years, so I am happy to enjoy things as they are.

    ANH
     
  7. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Good that you've heard about it before! Things being good may be the best time for delving into communication, past hurts, forgiveness, and how you express love. Plus, it is always good to invest in the relationships that are important to us.

    Really good to hear things are going well!
     
    Trappist likes this.
  8. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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  9. ZenYogi

    ZenYogi Fapstronaut

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    Hey that's amazing you got it back together with her when it was at a really bad point before. I'm happy for you. I'll try to share your story with my nofap friends who are dealing with marriage issues right now :) Any advice for them on how to make something that isn't working start working somehoW?
     

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