feeling suicidal

You seem to be making an excuse for every suggestion. You won't be able to get anywhere if you won't give anything a chance.

 

im just kinda lost right now i realize they are sounds ideas but i cant see them turning into anything other than a side thing to do on my free time.

 

the reason i say no one would listen to my advice is because my whole life people have acted like my advice was meaningless, i guess its kinda depressing and i dont feel like i will ever succeed at it.

 

Don't confuse degrees with knowledge
You can do it, if you have passion. Remember that Einstein's teachers didn't think much of him either. And there are people out there with ten times more degrees than him and yet nobody knows their name or contributions.

 

i know you guys are right, its hard but i do try every day to see the positive things. I guess if i never get up and try things ill always feel hopeless.

 

As someone who's struggled with depression and suicide, I can also relate. It's a dark time where it feels like there is no hope and therefore no point in trying. Or even if you want to try you feel frozen in a state of fear since all you see around you are things that are going wrong so that's all you look for in every path.

Right now I would suggest getting a job simply to help you with the financial resources to see a therapist. Maybe go to your church or faith community to get recommendations for one who also has the same faith, so then you're getting the support you need according to your beliefs. I did that and it helped a lot. Therapy isn't a magic fix, but it's a great resource for learning new coping techniques and outlooks.

With depression you get stuck in this tunnel vision of sadness and lack of hope. It's a hard thing to break without professional help.

 

i definitely do need to go to church and start reading my bible more, as for my job i recently quit it because of the stress it was causing me, atleast all that work stress is gone now, and believe it or not i was way more depressed than compared to now.

 

yes psalms is a great book, problem is i have never been a reader, i would always get bored fast, but that was before i started no pmo so i feel like i can build up to it.

 

I think increasing your prayer life would be a great suggestion. Along with the things you mentioned I would suggest setting aside 15 minutes of silent time with God where you talk to Him from the heart. Let nothing back. Invite Him inside to see all of your pain, desires, and weakness. He knows them but the heart is a door that opens from the inside and He cannot heal us without our invitation. Even the blind man had to extend his hand and do his part to recieve the gift of sight.

I can relate to leaving a job with a lot of stress. I've worked in the IT support and Health Insurance fields. I left both of them because of the stress and lack of respect I received from the clients. People can be nasty. With that said you mentioned you like to or want to travel? Have you thought about a career as a travel agent or in the travel industry? The majority of people you would be talking to as a travel agent would he happy since people are going on vacation, holiday, anniversary/honeymoon trips. I'm sure such a job will still have its stresses but probably less than other lines of work.

 

you know even tho i was seriously depressed earlier, i realized something, i didnt relapse at all!, hell i didnt even think about porn. Used to i would masturbate whenever i got stressed and i just proved to myself that i can do this for sure.

 

i realize i sound like a child but that is the nature of depression, i realize everything i say is irrational, im fine now btw i just needed some release.