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In a relationship but am unemployed and looking for work

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BedroomDanger, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. BedroomDanger

    BedroomDanger New Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes gets a bit lonely when I'm not with my partner around. Either that or it means that I have an urge to look at porn because she is not around. Porn really affected our relationship. Especially since we moved cities togrther before I told her. I know what I should have done was tell her before so she could make her mind up with all of the information but we have moved past that and are working on our relationship again. I had given up watching porn for a week and have watched it today once after coming home after a gym workout. I feel like it was a rush that came over me that made me feel like that was what I wanted. It's like all reasoning and logic went out the window and my desire for porn overwhelmed me. I am also extremely on edge so I know that if my partner found out then I would be in deep trouble like I had been before all of the very few other times that I had admitted I had slipped up and was watching porn. She got angry at me and I guess I just thought the best thing to do was to not tell her anymore as she said she would support me but she hasn't and has always drilled into me that there are consequences which made me feel even more guilt.
     
    Sefz33 and Deleted Account like this.
  2. You need to be more bloody minded and more focused. Focus on yourself. Getting stronger and better. Never wilt to pressures on any type. You have to always stay in the zone and focused to beat pmo and improve in life.
     
    BedroomDanger likes this.
  3. torrace

    torrace Fapstronaut

    May you be able to find a job that you enjoy!
     
    BedroomDanger likes this.
  4. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Honesty breeds more honesty, and wih that you get both support and accountability. The longer you choose to be dishonest and not come clean, the longer you are in a position of protecting your addiction and refusing to change. If you think you should have been honest before the move, then you know what the right thing to do now is. And also, 'support' does not consist in total forgiveness and condoning your masturbation. A partner who insists on a better version of you and guides you towards that is supportive, they want recovery for you, and are not simply enabling your damaging behaviours.

    On the issue of being alone for long periods: make plans during the day. Do your jobseeking from a place that you cannot masturbate. Do things that increase your happiness and self-worth, making you less likely to need to self-sooth by Ming (which you might otherwise be tempted to do to silence the boredom or urges.)

    A week is a great start, but it is not enough to see real change. Stick with Nofap and avoid all PMO or solo MO. You have a partner and can meet your biological and psychological needs for sex with her. The pmo is unnecessary and damaging and it needs to stop. That's why you are here, right?

    Don't let the fact that your partner will be upset and might choose to leave you hold you back from honesty. You will never recover unless you can share when you fail. She deserves an honest partner as much as she deserves a P-free one.

    Good luck.
     
    BedroomDanger and de severn like this.
  5. I'm unemployed too and it's not easy I know. To quote a fellow job seeker it's a jungle out there.

    The thing is she's right. Even if you were single they'd be consequences. I'm feeling the consequences of PMO now and I'm single.

    When it comes to telling your girlfriend honesty is important but I would advise against her being your AP. You need someone else to be an AP, it could be someone you trust IRL or someone on a forum like this one. It's unfair to put your girlfriend in the position to where she's the only person you talk to about this sort of stuff.
     
  6. WasZeusWrong?

    WasZeusWrong? Fapstronaut

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    Here's my one and half cents' worth. Being unemployed and looking for work create an extremely stressful situation, at least for me and some of my friends who've gone through it, especially if you don't know exactly what kind of job you're looking for. So I'd say you need to be gentle with yourself. Realize that you're a little more fragile than usual. And you recently moved cities, too? Another big stressor! Maybe it would be a good idea to start with small PMO goals, like a week? See what that's like. Try to channel your "porn" energy into more productive things. And remember -- don't let your employment situation or status determine your self-worth! In this economy, people shift jobs frequently. You're shifting, transitioning. Good luck!
     
  7. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    I would agree that celebrating small achievements is a great idea, but don't plan to fail at the end of a small streak. You can walk a hell of a long way by only looking a few steps ahead at a time. You don't need to stop moving forward when you get to the end of those few steps.
     
  8. Sefz33

    Sefz33 Fapstronaut

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    Don't give up on hope. Use any type of hope as an advantage. There's light and the end of the tunnel.
     
    BedroomDanger likes this.
  9. meatsandwich

    meatsandwich Fapstronaut

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    - The best thing would be to learn new skills that you could do as ''freelance'' and then have more freedom,
    it will help a lot when going forward in life. Learn some designing, video editing, coding and so on....

    I think when it comes to P, it's already like an addiction that we forget our goals and
    really we forget that we have someone or even realize, why Lust still is strong in us.
    Put also tons of effort into training when you get overwhelmed, as it can take your mind off from things. :D
     
  10. BedroomDanger

    BedroomDanger New Fapstronaut

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    I have almost completely eradicated any craving to watch p and m to it but am now really itching for Psubs which are almost consuming my every waking thought while looking for jobs. No p or ming but just constantly clicking thru pages of psubs which i rationlise to myself as "not really p" and its "just curiousity". i know its wrong - how do you manage psubs?
     
  11. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Don't click on anything that feels like a p sub. Don't go to the places (online or otherwise) that have a Psub feel to them, or are likely to bring up that sort of visual seeking. Once you realise you've been staring at women and their bodies, you're only a step or two away from the old behaviours. It really is easier if you cut all of it out together.
     
  12. Peiskos

    Peiskos Fapstronaut

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    I don’t have the same situation as you but I’m in a relationship too, of 2 years so far..I’m employed but it’s not steady work which is frustrating.

    I’ve also felt minor urges to take innocent peeks at provocative imagery and videos when I’m nit with her, but I try to suppress it the best I can and remember that not suffering from PIED when I’m with her is worth not looking at porn. It’s a never ending battle.

    I think a key thing to understand is that NoFap is a lifetime battle for many, a war that will last our lifetimes. It’s no different for recovering alcoholics.

    You need to be stronger than your urges, your urges shouldn’t be able to trick your mind with ease. Discipline those urges, show that urge who is in charge. YOU!
     
  13. David1221

    David1221 Fapstronaut

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    is your gf pushing you to find work? In your situation that you're in right now, i would advise you to make that your first priority. Also, if you really want to make your relationship 100000x better and to make it work long term, you've really got to stop watching porn for good. You'll feel the benefits sooner or later, just gotta give it some time. But bro, it's really important that you find work man. Not trying to be rude or anything, but there's a chance that if you don't fix up with employment and the porn issue, your girl could leave you man. I've seen it happen to other people in the NOfap community
     

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