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pain that wont go

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by mark andrews, Oct 15, 2018.

  1. mark andrews

    mark andrews Fapstronaut

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    As I write this I died 7 years ago when I started watching this rubbish. Nowadays it feels like am just dragging through life..... I feel suicidal. The world we live in is full of ultras but many of us struggle. ....its not a relapse that kills me, its the reality that I may never recover from ED and PE that hurts me..... ultras will say I'm being a cry baby at least that's what people say when they donno the extent of one's lows. I'm about to leave my girlfriend. Dont feel like a man for her...... I once felt like telling her about my pmo but dont think she would want to stick around for shit like this. ...... honestly donno if I'll ever reach even 20 days. Breaks my heart to say I joined last year and have never gone past that...... This is the pain I feel no one knows..... have tried God and Jesus but now I guess this struggle is mine and I've settled to lose it. I'm a loner. No friends to trust. I always feel suicidal...... you know that feeling you get of encouragement and then snap back to reality to see how messed you are. Does the pain ever go does one ever see the light? Read an article that said addicts never really recover till they die. ..... I need your help guys. Just too young to feel suicidal and no one Not my dad, my girlfriend, my relatives will understand if I told them this......Help me
     
  2. jk243

    jk243 Fapstronaut

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    Bro I really don't know if I have Ed or PE.
    Don't lose hope and have faith.
    You said that you tried Jésus, bro have faith, keep having faith. When you are on you're low and weak that when God shows his power. Keep fighting bro. You will win. I also relapsed. But I don't lose hope. Keep fighting man.
     
    mark andrews and To win like this.
  3. You are 22. You can beat this, and have a real life.

    I'm 63 and I've had this swill with me virtually my whole life. I didn't get ED from it until I started watching a lot of videos last year - but there is no doubt that it fucked me up my whole life, at least partially. I had DE for decades.
     
  4. Carbon6

    Carbon6 Fapstronaut

    You will recover from this. There's plenty of proof of that all over this website.
    To me it sounds like you're just now hitting rock bottom. The only place left to go from rock bottom is up.

    I think what's happening is because you're depressed, you give into the urge because you figure what's the use, right? Then you jack off, satisfy the urge, but right after what do you feel? Relieved? Perhaps a little, but ultimately you're just as depressed as you were. You need to break this cycle.

    Stop right now and consciously think about all the reasons you're depressed, alot of them tie back to your porn use, do they not? Remember that, and use it as motivation, because if you want to stop feeling this way you need to make a conscious effort to not. If you feel like you're gonna relapse, go out and talk or watch tv with your dad or someone else, or just go out in public, to the mall or for a walk.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that we all started watching porn for a reason. For me it was to numb the pain of the death of a loved one, because I couldn't deal with the emotions it created. We all started our addiction by using it to fill a void. So meditate, why did you start?

    If you're having suicidal thoughts, and they feel like they're becoming too much. Please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text the textline at 741741 Text "HOME" to it. https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in - more info there.

    It's never worth it, and I know from experience.
     
  5. To win

    To win Fapstronaut

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    Brother, never lose hope.No one is perfect.Everyone is having their own problems and struggles.If you want to succeed in life you have to fight against all the struggles.
    We all came here because we have a similar problem ie, addiction to PMO.We all know the consequences it is having and we have to face it.I don't know anything about PE and ED,but have read in success stories about people overcoming such problems through rebooting.
    So as a first step to cure your problem, you have to stop PMOing.I know its not that easy,but slowly you can succeed if you are determined.
    Where did you find this bullsh*t from.You are mistaken brother.Maybe you got this from internet.Don't always search internet for each and everything or At least don't believe everything.

    Once I also fell into a sort of depression because of my excess thinking(about diseases, coz I had a few issues with my health) and searching answers for those thoughts.I believed everything internet has provided me.I stopped doing things which I loved the most.But I came out of it and is more happier than before.

    So if you want to come out of your addiction you have to be more determined.Start to accept failures.Everybody will taste failure in life.But those who are determined to succeed in life never give up on failures.Whenever they fail their determination to win becomes stronger and stronger.
    A lot of examples are there to counter this argument.E.g. Robert Downey Jr. and a lot more.
    I will try myself to prove this wrong to you by stop doing PMO anymore and will stay away from this addiction.
    P.s: I started nofap on Oct 11 when I felt a hell lot of regret after I PMOed for the 3rd time in the day(just before evening).From this you understand how addicted I was. No PMO for the last 4 days and hoping to complete my 30 days challenge.
    You are not alone brother we are there for you and never give up on your determination.
     
  6. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    Fuck it, if there is suicide on the table and something else, try that something else, something that you always wanted to try. There is literally nothing to lose.
     
  7. This means that an addict can never use the thing that they are addicted to in a normal, moderate way. As long as they stay away from the thing that they are addicted to, they can have a normal fulfilling life.
     
  8. You will be alright just get some p blockers like k9, then set a definative goal like 1 day. Then 7 days. Then go from there. Baby steps. Reccomend book release your breaks
     
  9. Kaizen. You are seein the truth so you are on the right path. At your age I was in denial. You seem to be more aware. You won't fix things in one day but little progress over time adds up. You are younger. Pick a positive direction and celebrate all positive progress. Don't get too down if relapse. Just learn from mistakes and move on
     
    To win likes this.
  10. That goal is all you need for any given day. Then the next day, you do it again. And so on.....
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. There is a book by this navy seal who got through buds by focusing on getting through the next meal, then the next hour and so on. It was by Robert o niel the guy who killed Osama bin fvckbag
     
    Immature likes this.
  12. mark andrews

    mark andrews Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys for all the encouragement through this tough time...... I just realised how bad I've lost hope in myself and I need to change that....... sometimes I feel like am so DONE which doesn't help. I want to get myself back, and have a life. Hope I can be better for me and just rise above all this shit. Thanks again
     
  13. TheBoyWhoCould

    TheBoyWhoCould Fapstronaut

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    I know this feeling all too well. I've been on countless medications trying to address my lows, but (I don't know it its legal where you are) kratom changed my life. It gives me motivation and can be known to lower libido. I've been on a dozen SSRIs and this is the only thing that I can say has really made an impact on my journey. Send me a pm if you'd like to hear more
     
    mark andrews likes this.
  14. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Just hang in there. And you will do just fine.
     
    mark andrews likes this.
  15. mark andrews

    mark andrews Fapstronaut

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    I believe I can carryon with nofap its just this feeling that hits me that its over for me, that there's no hope. I feel sometimes like am so far gone. Hope I could forgive myself and move on
     
    To win and Immature like this.
  16. Meditation is something that might help along with other things. Think of your life like a radio station. Right now a bad song is playing or they cut to commercials. Meditation is breathing and accepting the moment so you can build on it and be effective and not be paralized. We are always looking for momentary solution to pain like drinking and pmo. finding momentary solutions is like changing the radio station when a bad song comes on. Meditation is accepting what is going on anf not changing the station. This is something I learned today. Don't change the radio station on your life. Let it play out, when i think of my pain and life like this, tension goes away I feel good and able to build on things and make things better. Don't change the radio station
     
    mark andrews likes this.
  17. mark andrews

    mark andrews Fapstronaut

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    I do exercise nowadays. .... it helps deal with the worry. I fear alot..... have this pain in my leg that I feel is pmo induced so might as well fight to quit. But I do exercise. ..... I go jogging and also do sit ups
     
  18. mark andrews

    mark andrews Fapstronaut

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    I do not know how to meditate..... I have tried and failed or maybe I just dont know how to. .... Please help if you have an easier technique cause I feel like it could help me
     
  19. I would get the book meditation for warriors. You just have to follow your breathing basically. You watch the air go in and out of your lungs while you sit. That's it. You can also do a 4 count a couple of times, where you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold the air in for 4 seconds, and breathe out for 4 seconds and wait for 4 secones then breathe in again
     
    mark andrews likes this.
  20. To win

    To win Fapstronaut

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    Initially I too had this problem.I also tried and failed.Mainly because of lack of concentration.Initially I couldn't even concentrate to my own breath.But gradually I got it under control.
    I usually listen to meditation music while I am meditating.It can help you to concentrate.You can also look for Some apps like calm, head space etc..
    For me meditation is one of the easiest and effective habits to have with.
     
    mark andrews likes this.

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