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Uncontrollable sexual fantasies - good or bad?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Spiderwaffle, Oct 19, 2018.

  1. Spiderwaffle

    Spiderwaffle Fapstronaut

    Hello,

    I reached Day 7 again and I'm feeling good. Currently no problem with abstaining, I'm optimistic and as long my life goes normal, everything is fine. However, I got one problem I knew from my old streak, it's my fantasy.

    Since I was a child, I always had a wild fantasy and was daydreaming much about anything, however, with every other day I'm not watching porn my sexual fantasy gets stronger. This is something I didn't have at all when having been on heavy PMO... so it may be a good sign.
    It's like my brain is creating it's own porn. Sometimes with real people, sometimes just reusing things / people I saw on porn, sometimes it creates whole new people. The kind of fantasy are wide ranged, from kinky hardcore fantasies to sexual love stories that I daydream. It occurs when I'm alone but also when I'm with others. Whenever I'm left alone with my thoughts...

    As reading through threads etc. I read this slows down your reboot progress. Fantasizing is nothing that triggers me for doing any of PMO... but I'm afraid that it slows down my progress. However, these thoughts just come and go like they want and it's hard to control them. I remember on my highest streak a few months ago (29 days) I wasn't able to control my brain at all, it just went on creating sex thoughts when only stopping to concentrate to not fantasize for just a few seconds...

    So... what do you think? Does it affect rebooting? Can you control your sexual thoughts? Or is it harmless? Just tell me what you think about it :D
     
    Arghy likes this.
  2. For a time after abstaining your brain will be fighting trying to get what you were giving it before and your drive can go a bit overboard. It will resort to fantasy and imagination. Stay strong and keep busy, keep learning and stick with your plan.
    This will pass with some time.
     
    Spiderwaffle and Arghy like this.
  3. Arghy

    Arghy Fapstronaut

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    OMG i got the same thing there ' s like 2-3 days.

    Yes , it is normal dont panic.Your brain is still addict but starving.Your brain needs porn and tries to get satisfaction.

    My personal point of view :
    _You should go in a silent room alone and practice meditation.Explore your mind and observe these thoughts.Try to know why you like them.
    If you fight Something hard, it will come back hard.You will not solve the problems.
     
    Spiderwaffle and Deleted Account like this.
  4. The more you abstain the stronger the fantasies. First you need to realize that it's okay to feel naturally attracted. Seeing a girl with a nice body is fine. What goes wrong is when you start imagining the sex positions, just the non stop fucking. That's bad and what you want to avoid. It's never gonna end(fantasies, lust) but you can live with it without it living you.
     
    ras-tanura, Spiderwaffle and Arghy like this.
  5. Spiderwaffle

    Spiderwaffle Fapstronaut

    I don't panic at all, no worries :D
    Thanks for your answers, meditating is like the hardest thing, I already tried it a few times... how you can just think about nothing? I completely fail with this. :)

    Well, I'll just go on with abstaining form porn and masturbation and see if it goes away at some part.
     
    Arghy likes this.
  6. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    I learnt this in cognitive behavioural therapy, which I got into because of my PMO addiction.

    Your thoughts become feelings... your feelings become actions.

    The thoughts can in fact be controlled. Take out a piece of paper and write a sentence in the following form:
    Although me relapsing right now will help me ........(insert all the good feelings you think you get from PMO).....it causes ....(write about the negative impacts)

    You see, you cannot think about nothing... but expressing your sexual thoughts and pointing out the good and the bad helps pour the inner struggle in the mind outside for another thought to take over. That new thought can be that person you've always dreamt to be.
     
    Spiderwaffle likes this.
  7. MusicMakingMonk

    MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

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    Thinking about nothing is not really a productive way to start practicing meditation, that's really more of an endgame kind of thing (at that point you've pretty much reached enlightenment as far as I know).
    The main thing you have to is let thoughts pass by. They will happen, they will be interesting, disturbing, stupid, sexy, funny, but there's only a couple reactions you can have to any kind of thought,
    Engage in it, start an inner monologue about the thought, trying to see how far a thought can go.
    Dismiss it, try to shove it away (does not work it'll just come back harder, that's why suppresing thoughts does not work)
    Acknowledge it, and let it fly past you , like bubbles coming up from the ground into the sky, until you lose sight of them.
    You do this by doing 2 things mainly : Watching the breath, focus your attention (mostly on the exhale, the time after the exhale and the inhale is often a time of silence, and this time of silence is something you want to extend, you want thoughts to come and go slower and slower as you meditate longer).
    When you do get engaged in a thought, or sucked into it as I like to call it, gently remind yourself that all you were doing was observing the breath, and let the thought go.
    Quite quickly a new thought will start of course, but you just do the same as before, gently return attention to the breath.

    See, thoughts will always want your attention, and meditation is just giving them the minimal amount of attention. A gentle, loving, acknowledgement, and a subtle, inner, wave goodbye. And then refocus.
    There's is many excercies one can employ to help learn how to focus. Mantra's are a good one. Guided meditations are quite nice too, I'd recommend checking out Jason Stephenson on YouTube. Very relaxing.

    It's also something everyone sucks at at first. It'll get better!
     
    Arghy likes this.
  8. Spiderwaffle

    Spiderwaffle Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your comment! Im going to try it :)

    What you describe reminds me on going for a little walk outside what I sometimes do when I had a fucked up day... As I live outside the city, I just walk for an hour through our village and just look at nature, trees, try to enjoy the cool night and not to think about whatever fucked up happened this day. I think this is another way of meditation, I just thought meditating is really thinking about nothing... now I know better
     
  9. MusicMakingMonk

    MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

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    Doing something like walking and looking around is indeed a way of getting into a meditative state.
    The only difference is during meditation you try to look inside, not outside. That sounds incredibly vague, I know, and it takes a while before you start to really understand how to do it or what it even feels like, but when you do, you find that there is no greater beauty then the beauty on the inside.
     

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