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Depression taking over... resorting to alcohol

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by determined488, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys so I haven't posted in a while, but here is a little background on my life. I'm 21 years old, never had a girlfriend or first kiss, still a virgin and have no hopes of wanting relationships with women nor do I want to have kids anymore. Let me explain why.

    Ever since I was a young boy, I was subconsciously told by my family that I must wait until marriage to have sex. However, I was raised in the USA, where sex happens among teens more often than not. I've always heard my classmates brag about how they took their GF's virginity and I always hoped deep in my heart that I would one day even have sex.

    The reality of it is, that has never happened, nor do I think it ever will at this point. The girls my age are all having sex with different guys and no one seems to bat me an eye. I'm not angry or upset with this at all anymore, I'm just depressed to the point where I feel like giving up on life. Each time I try to broach this topic to anyone in real life I get completely shut out and told to shut up and just hookup some random girl. The sad part is that I am not particularly a bad candidate for sex, I have a job, decent income, a healthy body, and am naturally extraverted.

    But it isn't that easy especially when I have friends who try to hook me up with girls that I do not see myself having enough courage to have sex with. I'm scared, lost, confused, and ultimately depressed. I want to just isolate myself and go somewhere I'll never be found. I've been reluctant enough to abstain from other drugs/substances but I'm feeling myself cave in to alcohol to numb the thoughts. I'm sorry.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2018
  2. Same buddy, I’m drinking right now. And really close to suicide one of these days
     

  3. I understand how you feel. I'm 22 years old and the farthest I've ever been is a lousy kiss as a prank. Believe me, it hurts. My advice to you is to work on yourself more and more each day and realize that in the future when you do meet someone, everything behind you will not matter. I've only turned to PMO in my life and never any drugs (alcoholism in other family members, losing friends to drugs, etc). I would not advice you to use alcohol as you'll still have the feelings when you are over your hangover. If you would like someone to talk to personally, you can private message me. I've just graduated from college with no experience whatsoever with women. I'm still looking forward to the future; although my PMO addiction might hold me back from this.
     
  4. As someone who've been through the motions of suicide, I'd strongly advise against this action.
     
  5. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Awwwwwww man, that sucks. To tell you my side of the story, please do not give in to drugs or alcohol, it is the last thing you would want to resort too. If you want to come off them the cravings will be the real shit. I know, cause I have PMO cravings but other things in other areas I am good at keeping myself clean. It's the cravings that you gotta watch out for. Because once you give in to them, it is very hard to come off them in the end, it will require medication and even therapy and support groups.
     
    Nekkhamma and DonDraper like this.
  6. Hey man, how do you fight your cravings?
     
  7. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Ummm, the only craving that I get is from this PMO addiction, but that is the only I have. lol. I use it as a stress relief because of the stress that I go through at the moment. It also helps me fall asleep better at night too. To keep this anxious thoughts from ruminating in mind and keeping me awake. Even though sometimes the best part after I fall asleep is the lucid dreaming part. I am cool with that. I just put on some lucid dreaming meditation and I think about a beautiful woman keeping me company. lol. But hey, I never know what it is like to be in a relationship with a "real" lady, just fantasy ones. And when I was in high school I got reported to the principal's office for asking a girl to the prom or to be in a relationship with her. And that's how it went. My mom saved me from a lot of trouble for asking girls out on dates every time I was in school and even college. So I just rely on my fantasy ones now, they are much better than the realistic ones in real life.
     
  8. I mean, how do you deal with cravings for PMO? Also, isn't this some maniacal form of edging?
     
  9. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

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    Go to the library, do research for it on the internet, attend group meetings, etc. Do whatever you can to overcome your addiction.
     
    Air0 likes this.
  10. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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  11. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Still using alcohol, in small amounts but enough to numb the pain of overthinking about the outside world.
     
  12. Hey all I can tell you all there is a better way. Porn addiction lowers our confidence, self esteem and mood. It keeps us in the fog of depression amd it is fucking hard to get out. Alcohol and other drugs make it worse still.

    If you are legit suicidal or depressed you need to get professional help. Please reach out to someone and get any help you can.

    I have ridden the lowest of lows with depression, anxiety and porn / escort addiction. It is a lonely horrible place to be.

    I can tell you if you dig in, get it resolved you will be better for it. Stay away from the alcohol. Get some fresh air and close off that computer / P and social media so. Your mood will improve.

    As for being a 21 year old virgin. It's all goos bro. I was a virgin til almost 20. You'll get there and make up for it when you do.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. ninel123

    ninel123 New Fapstronaut

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    It is not good...be careful
     
    LEPAGE and Deleted Account like this.
  14. Dude you are 21 it will get better. You are probably going to be bad at sex the first time like everyone so I would just get over it if that is the reason why you are scared of having sex. You can read books on it if that will help you. It's like riding a bike you are bad at first then you get better. If she doesn't like it who cares you are just having fun. If you are apprehensive because of PIED like it was for me then just stay away from porn and through 90 days at the most it will go away. Also you don't need to have sex if you do not want to its your life.

    If you don't want to do a random hookup I would just try to build cool relationships with women and then go from there. I have been there as far as the depression at that age. There is nothing wrong with you its judt your experience now you need to take accountability and do something. You are very young. I don't think I need to tell you that alcohol is not a good substitute I would get exercise more or hang with better people or just spend time figuring out ways to get more income put your brain to work. You are not going to get there in one day. Baby steps make your way wherever you personally want to go and improve each day building skills and do things you want to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2018
    determined488 and AUTiger7222 like this.
  15. AUTiger7222

    AUTiger7222 Fapstronaut

    @determined488 Hey dude, I hope you're doing better. I can personally relate to the things you're dealing with. I'm 31, and didn't have my first legit kiss until I was 24. I've only ever been with 1 woman and she dumped me after a year because he said that she never really loved me. Yes, it crushed me at the time. But I eventually got over it and moved on with life. It's fine.

    Sex is not this totally life changing experience that it's made out to be. There's so much more to life than sex. I've had sex and unless the woman you're having sex with means anything to you or is getting any enjoyment out of it then it's like having sex with a plastic blow up doll. In other words, it means absolutely nothing. I regret having sex with her because she took something from me that i can never get back. There's a reason your parents and other older folks tell you to wait until you get married to have sex. It's not because they're trying to rain on your parade. It's because once you've had sex with someone your brain and body form a connection with that person and then if you end up breaking up with that person it is extremely painful and difficult to get over. Much more difficult and painful than a breakup where sex wasn't involved. They're just trying to safe you from some unnecessary pain.

    I remember being a teenager and having those raging hormones. I still have them today. That's the reason I'm here, so I can stop the PMO cycle I've been in since I was about 12 years old. I remember the peer pressure of all the kids around me talking about how they had sex and thinking I was such a big loser because not only was I still a virgin, but I couldn't even get a girl to kiss me. I know what it's like to have extremely low self confidence when it comes to dealing with women, but I've learned that my best interactions with women happen when I'm just myself. When I'm not trying too hard to impress them then they actually like me. It's when I come on too strong trying to be all impressive that I end up actually turning them off and killing the mood.

    One of the reasons porn is so harmful is that it gives us such unrealistic expectations of sex and how it's going to be this amazing experience. But its not. Not unless there's a deeper more intimate connection there. Then that experience manifests its self in a total full body sharing of love through your whole body, heart, mind, and soul. Porn also causes us to lose the value of ourselves. We compare our penis size to the guys on the screen and that just makes feel worse because we think we don't measure up. But honestly, your penis size is fine. Mine is fine. And it's more about how you use it than the size that ends up being sexually satisfying to a woman. And again, porn gives you false expectations. The truth is that the majority of women don't even get off during intercourse. Most women can only orgasm through oral sex and/or touching.

    Also, there is no weakness in asking for help. I've done it a couple times. Sometimes our brains get so screwed up that there's nothing we can do to fix it except talk to someone or get medication. Medication isn't a sign of weakness. If only you truly realized how many people take things like anti-depressants and things like that so that their brains function correctly. It's because we're human. Things in our brains are easy to mess up. Please don't do anything dramatic that will leave a lot of pain and destruction behind you. You can PM me if you want. I'm around quite a bit. I don't sleep well and I always respond because I know how bad it is when you're trying to find someone to talk to so that you can feel better and there's no one to talk to. Hang in their buddy, it will get better.
     
    Christian Fox and determined488 like this.
  16. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    In my experience alcohol is not the solution. For me, alcohol always enhances your mood: If I am happy it makes me a little happier (although, the next day hangover is a letdown) but if I am sad/depressed it just makes it worse.

    I suggest a pair of running shoes. Run outside, or find a treadmill.
     
  17. alecolson

    alecolson Fapstronaut

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    Try and stop drinking the best you can and the earliest you can - absolutely nothing good will come of it. I drank a lot in college socially with friends but when I look back at it now I feel like I wasted so much time just 'hanging out' and drinking. In my mid 20's I started drinking alone and got into some bottom times. I finally decided I couldn't do this anymore. Marijuana and exercise really got me away from drinking. Marijuana really helped with those bored, sober and lonely nights and exercise got me into a better place overall. Marijuana might not be the best recommendation for everyone - but was waaay better than drinking.

    I had a rough year last year and had some tough 'old habit-nights' but am back trying again. I guess my point is: don't waste you 20's and especially don't waste it on alcohol. My biggest regret is not starting these healthy habits early. You only get to be in your 20's once. Don't waste it.
     

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