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Is this what men think?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by freedomrun, Aug 13, 2018.

  1. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    No , you didn’t lol someone else just said it
    And I think a lot of men do believe this to be the case ( not all )
     
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  2. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    I always scoff at that. Men are more visual. Lol. Women are just as, if not more so visual. We just tend to have a thing called self control.
     
  3. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I am an extremely visual person, but to me it is about choice. The moment I am committed to someone, they are it for me and that's all I focus on. I thought my husband was the same.
     
  4. Someone has mentioned potato chips here. Here i am eh :cool:
    well, there are men as you mentioned and there are one's who approach one slice to never look at other slices.
     
    Jennica likes this.
  5. It’s so hard to go into this without feeling and/or sounding a bit sexist. However, my own opinion is that men tend to be more visual-focused, to the exclusion of other factors. A kind of tunnel vision if you will. And that women, while also visual creatures, tend more to take the visual as part of the overall person, weighing other factors as well. Parts vs. people with parts if you will.

    And I can vouch that women in strip clubs or shows like Thunder From Down Under behave deplorably. Possibly because that’s kind of the point of these shows, whereas in public they’re less likely to grope or ogle etc. The setting/context is important and part of the overall ‘whole’ they consider.

    For a PA none of that seems to matter. The parts are just there for them and their enjoyment, regardless of environment or anything else.
     
  6. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Something I’ve been struggling slightly with...

    All of the secretaries where I work have calendars up at their desks - topless firemen, Johnny Depp, Justin Trousersnake...whatever. I’ve also sat through every Matthew Mcconaughey film ever made and is not because my wife admires his acting skills. I know that she also follows various hot celebrities on Facebook, and not because they impart profound wisdom. Some of the photos that get sent round on her WhatsApp groups would make a hardened PA blush.

    For a PA these would be labelled p-subs and I can completely understand why they should be avoided in the context of the addiction. Where I get slightly lost is how porn/p-subs are cheating but looking/lusting at celebrities or fancying someone in the office (another thing I catch the women here talking about all the time) is OK?

    I’m no trying to defend porn at all, to be clear. I just get confused by some of the moral boundaries set forth here
     
  7. Personally I find the whole calendar thing to be in generally poor taste. I never had the posters on my walls as a teen either, though. I think it should not be ok for one gender but not the other and unfortunately it seemed much more likely for women to end up in the ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ camp. Now hopefully with more awareness we can see a pendulum swing towards respect and dignity for bodies rather than the reduction to sex appeal but I think it will take a long time. P has pervaded just about every film and tv show - it’s so ridiculously gratuitous. And the sheeple just eat it up, lauding it for how ‘real’ and ‘gritty’ and edgy it is. Ugh.
     
  8. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Can I ask, now or growing up, did you never have actors, musicians, whoever that you had a crush on?

    The 50 Shades phenomenon is another one, on top of the millions of other novels sold that centre around graphic sex scenes. My wife and all her friends lapped them up and arranged a group outing to watch the movie. I remember them being disappointed because the actor “wasn’t fit enough” to match the character in the book. I never had any thought to how she might somehow be cheating on me because she found/finds other men attractive
     
  9. Whahahahaha! No! Men are definitely more visual. Women are also visual, but much less so than men. The self-control you speak of is not really self-control, it is just that there is much less to "control" because women are less visual than men. Same goes for sex in general
     
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  10. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that’s what I meant when I said they would be unacceptable for a PA in the context of the addiction.

    But Some of the responses on here go further and suggest that PAs should not have sexual thoughts about anyone than their spouse. I’m just curious to know how that fits within the behaviour described above.

    Now maybe the line is masturbating to images of those people/celebrities, but I’m curious why that should be the boundary
     
  11. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    There is no scientific proof to back up either sex being more visual.
    It's also a case by case basis.
    But.... Like I stated before... Men have had images of nearly nude women shoved down their throat from a very early age. Thus making it the "norm" to objectify flesh. Had media chose to stay clean in that regard men would not have the overwhelming desire to oggle, or to feel the NEED to see every woman possible naked.
    Women are taught from an early age that sexuality is to be kept under wraps. It isn't "lady like" to lust after a mans body. To have unclean desires or experience arousal every time the flesh of a man peaks our interest.
    If we react to our visual stimulations as men do we are "sluts" "easy" or "trashy".
    And again. It is case by case.
    I have an outrageous insatiable sex drive. I think about it at least once every 3 to 5 minutes all day every day. I am extremely visual, so much so that I can O with nothing more than looking at my man.
    Generalized statements like those in the video, and some of the comments thereafter, only serve as a scapegoat for unacceptable behavior.
    Men being more sexual is nothing more than a myth and if we are teaching our children, by example, that it's truth we are setting them up for failure and shame.
     
  12. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    Those things you mentioned aren't for me, I stayed away from those types of things after getting married, but a big difference I see here is that what you are describing is done in the open. She isn't hiding it, she is open with you about it, giving you the chance to voice your opinion on it and for you two to come to an agreement on what is ok and what isn't in your relationship. Just for me, I wouldn't be OK with that in my marriage but each couple should decide for themselves what is OK and what isn't, which will vary.

    What you're describing isn't like P often is, viewed in secrecy, locking yourself in the bathroom on a private tab to hide it, while emotionally withdrawing from your spouse. And for some turns into PIED and sometimes even not wanting to have sex with your spouse. Not to mention all the shame and guilt it can cause, along with becoming addicted.
     
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  13. I do feel the need to generalize, that men are more aroused by visual stimuli, and also have a drive to "spread our seed" amongst a multitude of potential females. That is how porn hijacks the male brain. There is science behind that. Porn creates an online, digital "harem" for men. Some women might be more sexual than other women, but even the most sexual woman is nowhere close to being as sexual as the least sexual man. It is hormonal, biological. Women's sexual drive is driven by the menstrual cycle. Women's sex drive has peaks and valleys. Men's sex drive is "always on".
    The idea that women are as sexual as men, is a byproduct of the feminist ideology of "equalism", that any difference between the sexes is ideologically unpalatable, and therefore we must assert, no matter the topic, that "women are just as (fill in the blank) as men" and "if not more so". Except when it comes to self-control, then women definitely have more of that than men, because it is more self-flattering to say so
    Why am I picking this battle? Because I'm sick of men being vilified/shamed for their biologically heightened sexuality. Now, it's still the man's responsibility to direct their heightened sexuality in the appropriate, healthy way. So I don't want to imply that I'm pro-porn or anti-monogamy
     
  14. Katrina Rose

    Katrina Rose Fapstronaut

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    Lol. If any of that were true I wouldn't run sexual circles around every single man I've ever been with. I have yet to meet a man with a sex drive even half of what mine is.
     
  15. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    SAME !!!! Which is why PA is soooo frustrating for a female with a high drive ugg
     
  16. OK, OK look I don't know anything about you, but the exception does not prove the rule
     
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  17. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Because most of us actually do! I have always had an incredibly high drive. When My peek hit (through the roof) during my hubby’s peek of PA and that was beyond sexually frustrating.
     
  18. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    I also have a stupid high sex drive. My husband not so much. I am also way more visual. He doesn't notice anyone. I notice everyone. Like.... I am "the guy" in the relationship if you go by traditional stereotypes, not just with sex drive and visuals but other things. Point is, every female I've asked about sex always complains because their guy is too vanilla or can't keep up with their drive.

    We have high drives and are visual but are taught to hide that part of ourselves. Hell, when I was younger I thought I was sinning if I M'ed or god forbid wanted to kiss a guy... I didn't have a relationship until college because I thought I'd be dirty/bad/slutty/trash and no guy would want me like that. I always felt so bad about wanting sex, thinking about sex, Ming, wanting to kiss, wanting to have sex, and so forth. Until college I completely repressed my desires because I thought that I shouldn't have those drives/thoughts/feelings because it made me dirty and bad.

    The double standards are bull. Men are visual and want to spread their seed and are high fived for their "conquers" whereas women are shamed and called sluts. It's completely hypocritical. When I was at my old college, I was one of the guys, hung out with them, drank with them, fucked some of them, but also had "conquers" on my own time and when they'd share their "conquers" guys would be high fiving, when I shared mine I didn't get the high five, I got harsh judgment.

    You wonder why women are "less visual/lower drive" ... it just appears that way because society taught men one thing and women the complete opposite.
     
  19. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Yup!
     
  20. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Men also can tend feel threatened by women with higher sex drive and more experience so you learn to suppress it. I certainly ran into a few of them in my single years. I am also incredibly visual person. I have just chosen to put the mental energy into my husband and not other men. If I had chosen differently I could easily do more than noticing other men including some actors or musicians I find attractive. But yes my husband would complain frequently at how incorrigible I am.
     

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