Pedophile - Trying to 'Cure' (or at least help) Myself Through Nofap

I am glad you realize it is wrong. I am glad you are coming here for help. I wish you luck on your journey.

 

You belong on this site. Stay here. Good that your working on fixing your issues. Dont let it affect people. Dont get near the cliff, sooner or later you will fall over if you keep it up.

 

You know what? Good for you. You state you'd never actually engage in certain activities with a minor and you don't stare at them on the street, so in my opinion, you're not that fucked up. It could be worse, right?

That being said, it's good you're looking for a way to fix it before you end up in a place that won't help you or anybody else around you. I wish you luck.

 

You are far better than those peoplewho hides in the dark and abuse children. No one ever wished to live this disgusting life its happened in our life.
I support for your action to seek help and I would rather admit the fact it's controversial . I want you to overcome this habit as soon as possible otherwise it will damage your life beyond repair

 

you might not be a pedophile.

Considering you don’t want to do anything in real life, and you suspect it has to do with your PMO addiction. The internet is full of deep and dark PMO options and once we start heading down that path and get desensitized it’s dificult for our brains to come back from that.

I’m sure every single person on this site started looking at porn with a very vanilla mindset, then dig deep. Here’s a quick example. Back in the earlier days of internet porn there were thumbnail image pages with hundreds of small pics leading to other pages with more pics in them.

Well, if you followed the rabbit hole of thumbnails far enough eventually you landed on a page where there were transsexual girls mixed in. The first time I saw it, I wasn’t turned on. I was actually disturbed. But the 4th or 5th time I was turned on and clicked it. Since my hand was on my penis, it instantly made a connection in my brain between pleasure and transsexuals and a fetish was born.

Similar thing happened to me with young porn...so I know exactly where you’re coming from.

It turns out that I’m not a bad guy, my therapist doesn’t believe that I’m in any way shape or form a pedophile any more than I’m someone attracted to transsexuals, animals, bdsm, or men (all PMO induced fetishes of mine at one point).

The good news is the longer I’m sober the less any of these old fetishes mean anything to me.

Now you might be slightly skewed to the younger side of things, but remember action and thoughts arent the same thing. And any girl who looks developed regardless of age gets men aroused in some capacity, whether she’s 24 or 14.

Now if you feel you are going to harm someone, or have already, that’s a whole different conversation. But if not, I urge you to find a therapist (specifically a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist)) and discuss everything you legally can with them. They will help you determine what to do.

I wrote a post on this subject. I was suicidal while sober because of my guilt and shame surrounding this subject and similar ones. Once I learned about who I truly was and what was a cause of PMO, everything started getting better.

Here’s a link to that thread: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ink-it-defines-who-you-are-it-may-not.180725/

And finally, STOP ALL PMO!!!! For people as far down the PMO scale as you (and me and others), it’s dangerous!!! And you must stop now otherwise your life could be completely fucked, possibly legally at some point, or also mentally including depression, isolation and suicide.

—————— EDIT —————
I wanted to quickly share my progression so you might not feel so alone and see there’s hope in recovery.

Spoiler

Every single porn website and advertisement seems to be promoting youngest possible girls. The “barely legal” category is thriving. The #1 porn category online is “teen.” So with enough videos and pics and advertisements showing petite young girls with pigtails and braces and the color pink everywhere, our brains start to associate that with sex. (Up until writing this I totally forgot about the “petite” genre that even further perpetuates this.) As a society we have a young girl fetish.

So for me I was watching loads of the teen category, then stumbled upon non-nude models of teens, and then the non-nude jailbait sites, which lead to more googling for other options. Then with the birth of smartphones and social media apps, it allowed for even less control over what I saw cuz strangers would share whatever they wanted and it can get dark really fast. This also lead to me seeing bestiality stuff as well.

This is the short story version. But it’s all based around the stimuli association which I mention in my above shared link... the only way out of this is to stop all PMO and reboot!

You’re not alone and we’re here for you.

 

You are not alone and the fact you are trying to reach out shows you accept what you are doing is wrong which is good, because the first step is always the hardest. It's not easy trying to tell people about this kind of thing...even when you want help to over come it, but on this forum we are here to help each other and we all have our crosses to bear.

I was in a very similar situation to you a few years back and i can tell you from my experience that abstinence from all porn is the only way you are ever going to gain some control back, but it is easier said than done and it's not as simple as just going cold turkey, you will most likely need some kind of support (in real face to face life) because there will be a whole load of things you will need to work on. Heck there's stuff i still need to work on and i've been abstinent from porn for 3 years.

This might help a little bit, it's one of my first posts here which tells the story of my relationship with porn growing up amongst other things and the reality of being arrested for being in posession of illegal content. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-immorality-to-criminality.99655/#post-821839

If you have any questions i am happy to help with suggestions of what worked for me, reading material, kinds of support etc.

 

Welcome here bro and good luck with all. It’s going to be interesting to follow your journey here

 

I believe this is a good signal about your condition, that you are trying to connect with other people with this kind of (addiction) issue. I don't know anything about your concrete state of mind but I can definetly confirm, that PM creates (and increases) many different fetishes (also my experiences) which you wouldn't even think about without porn. It seems to me that craving for these is diminished very soon during abstination but I cannot confirm it since I am abstaing only three weeks.

Anyway - if you would need to talk with someone, feel free to contact me. I found this platform incredibly helpful - it changes whole situation if you take it seriously and you now that you are not alone. I would also reccomend you some therapeutist circle. As far as I know it's a great help in fighting many addictions (prooved to my by many academic studies from people with great praxis). Even for us there is a group of Sexaholics Anonymous which you could find helpful.

 

I believe you can decondition yourself from this. You just have to choose to not reinforce the sexual desires you don't want. Every time you engage in something you reinforce the neural circuitry associated with it. If you decline to engage in it those pathways will wither away and weaken.

If you lack the mental strength and discipline to resist engaging in these things you can develop the necessary strength of mind through focus meditation:
Take a seated position and observe all the sights and sounds around you. Increase the intensity of your attention to the point where you're taking in much more information than usual and noticing all kinds of things you normally don't, like subtle sounds you had previously filtered out. Maintain this state of heightened attention for a minimum of 10 minutes, and bring your mind back into attention whenever it wanders. Practice this every day. It will greatly increase the amount of control you have over your mind so that you will be able to ignore temptations and pedophillic thoughts until they weaken.

Good luck.

 

You need to understand that the state is punishing the thing you are attracted to do.
Also if you do that, you are ruining a poor child life. For his entire life, and making him/her have the same troubles you have right now.

Just you cant. If you want to PMO or go to hoookers its ok. But never, never involve a poor children life into your problem.

We are here to support you, send me PM if you need my help.

I feel like you being pedo is a very serious stuff, more serious that quit PMO.

So, just fap to regular porn or mature woman and forget about children.

Peace

 

Your worst enemy is yourself. But you are also the only one that can turn things around. That's why your post is great!

Please take my advice with a grain of salt, as I'm still recovering. I'm only one month clean, but many months free from extreme fetishes. The times I relapsed over those months, I only watched vanilla porn. It got to the point where I would only relapse to quite tame female only stuff.

Again I must stress, this was not the quickest way for me to recover. But if I did relapse, I just made sure I didn't feed the old habits of looking for the most bizarre material I could find. As a consequence of this, the feelings of shame, guilt and anxiety were far less than usual.

But be careful not to fool yourself (as I did many times) - I now acknowledge that even this level of porn still leaves me tired, with brain fog and a loss of confidence, to name just a few symptoms. Life is so much better without the constant hyper sexualisation of everything. Best of luck, you are amongst friends here.

 

Now, you are pointing out the obvious, sounds to me he knows it is both illegal and wrong.

Well, I wouldn’t recommend either “hookers” nor porn. I do not see how that will help in anyway. And you would still be hurting people; other women and yourself.

I think that if you reach more of sexual health you will be able to see clearer on things related. Maybe your attraction is not as grave as you think. I know for my part that I several times ended up watching porn including animals. I do not for a second believe that this is a true attraction. It’s just part of the mess, you kinda loose yourself. Don’t know if that analogi is applyable on your story but just want to say it’s hard to say what is what.

You’re in the right place, welcome here!