I need to fix my wife she's broken !

I'm glad you changed that at the end of your story. You can not fix her, you can fix yourself and love and support her and answer what she asks of you.
Be open honest and loving, do everything in your power to fix yourself. Do this and you may have a chance.
Best wishes to you and your wife.

 

Ah yes, the part I forgot to type above......listen, really really listen.

 

Any time.

 

Definitely listen especially since she is telling you and she is trying to make you aware right at the moment it happens. Eventually you will have to have the self dicipldiscto police yourself. I ahve a friend that does it and when I point it out they try to deny and don't even realize it. If you want to sleep in the bed again I would listen.

 

so i guess the title of this post is just a huge friggin' red flag. in the post you didn't talk about fixing her - and that is good. but if in the back of your mind that's what you're thinking, then you are doomed to certain failure.

we can only change one person: ourselves; and even that with difficultly. if you at all interact with her with the mindset that "she is broken" then it will come off wrong. really wrong.

I'd advise doing an honest self-inventory and making sure you only think you can change you. anyone else's brokenness is their deal to uncover and address.

 

i do not completely agree with this. You can offer a relationship where their brokenness can be uncovered and adressed. Yes, they have to do the uncovering and adressing. But the relationship decides if that can uberhaupt happen. So you can change you but you can also change the relationship. That is something you can offer someone else.

Addicts have it 'easy' tbh. as it has a physical expression it doesn't need to be 'uncovered'. it justs needs to be adressed. Mental brokeness on the other hand needs both and that is a lot harder.

OT: seems like you need to do a lot of work op. do you have a journal?

 

Bro, you have cheated on your wife and you touch her friends in a way that comes off as flirty right in front of her? Yeah. I can see why she is pissed and you are on the couch. Hell,
If I was in a relationship like that, you wouldn’t be on the couch, the relationship would be over.

It’s simple. If you want to stay together with your wife, Stop touching other women. Stop flirting with other women. Stop behaving in a way that is that disrespectful to your wife. Your only other option will be to get out of your marriage. Or your wife is going to eventually leave you when she gets fed up enough.

 

thanks for clarifying and expanding @McStoa. I guess I would add to the above that maybe narrowly speaking the addiction itself is physical and doesn't need to be uncovered, but at least for me the addiction was just a symptom, a way to cope with much less obvious and harder to nail down mental issues. and for that I needed outside help.

 

go to Forums/ Reboot Logs/ 40+ andclick the red button to Post New Thread. bam.

 

@Triballand then if you'd like to have a link to your journal on your profile and under your avatar on the forums, like I do (helps to keep your journal from getting hard to find!), then after you create the journal entry, copy the full URL (including the https part and the string of numbers at the end), hover on your username near the top of the page, click "Personal Details", then paste the full URL at "Journal Thread Link", and then click "Save Changes".

 

Wow.
My SO would be single. His PA behaviour may have destroyed my self esteem, but I still respect myself enough not to tolerate this kind of behavior.
Count yourself lucky you are on the couch and not in divorce court.
You don't have an ounce of respect for her, that's the cold hard truth. And a relationship WILL NOT survive without respect. If you're serious about your marriage and truly love your wife you'd exhibit some self control.

 

This sounds like something you're kind of brushing off as innocent behavior, Triballand. If your wife thinks you're being inappropriate in any way with anyone, that's something you need to take very seriously and be sure to never do again. That's basically a direct slap in her face (possibly unknowingly) the FIRST time. If she's told you she doesn't like that and you do it again, its pretty hard for me to believe that you truly don't realize you're doing it. But to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you really don't know, this woman is your wife and whatever she tells you she doesn't like in that area, you, as her husband, need to make that priority one, my friend. There's really no excuse that I can think of where that's going to even come close to acceptable a second time, and it just gets worse each time after that. Its an enormously loud statement about what you think of your wife and her opinion, and how much she means to you.

I'm really sorry if this sounds judgmental or condescending, because I truly don't want it to be. I just want your eyes to be opened to what needs to be most important in this situation. If you're ever unclear about what your wife thinks is okay and what isn't, just ask her. She may get upset at you asking, but I absolutely guarantee you she'll prefer you asking over just doing it to find out! Every. Single. Time.

Good luck to you both.

 

If I ever treated my wife this way and believed I needed to fix her, I would now be divorced and I would deserve it.

@Triballand, you need to fix yourself. This is all on you my friend. 'A little too touchy feely' and 'I don't have personal boundaries with other women' is crap and doesn't compute in the real world. Be a man and figure out how to stop doing that. Seriously.

16 days no PMO is great and I commend you on the achievement, but when you are in a relationship the relationship stuff is also really important for both of you.

Good luck with it all

 

Our beautiful wifes are not objects that you can fix, they are human beings with their feelings. And generally they want just one thing: a normal life, with a Man on their side who loves her and the family.