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Porn addict ocd social anxiety nervous breakdown

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by tharaka, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    i didn born with ocd.but
    i have more eager to sex
    when i was
    kid.teenagers keep dirty
    magazins under their
    bed but i can still
    remember when i was 8
    years old i keep hot girls
    pic under my pillow.in
    that time everynight i
    fantazing about girls
    and how to seduce them
    just like telling story to
    my mind it makes me so
    much pleasure.i enjoy
    this until i sleep.some
    how sex is a
    addiction.so it went so
    bad when i was 10.then it
    started ocd i care lot
    about my hand and my
    body to keep clean.i
    wash my hands
    twise.because i thouhgt
    germs,dirt.i realize that
    my bed time addiction is
    the reason for it.so i try
    to stop it.but i did it
    ones a week/ friday
    night.when i was 13-14
    i couldnt stop my
    feelings somedays i stop
    going to school and play
    all day with my
    fantazing.i was so
    stupit.then i start feel
    this is wrong i should
    stop this.so i stop it but
    its too late my brain
    changes becouse of
    it.social anxiety and
    feeling guilty started.i couldnt make eye contact even with my dad.in that i have a little voice problem i have to make more attention to talk properly.after i stop that fantazin it went ok.my cleaning obcesstion thoughts gone.in age 17 my friend make me to watch a porn clip.its normal that age kid.(but i already damaged my brain.i realize it last year.)so then i start to watch porn regulary hardcor incest everything i addicted it to 7 years.in age 23 i stop them all.i live like a homebird in all these years.but after 6 or 7 months my dad take me to see a doctor becaus my mind is out of control doctor give me medicine for depression i took that meds for 3 month.i feel okay.i watched porn again.after that it happen my frist nervous breakdown.i couldnt sleep.mind is blocked.i stopped all my studies.i suffer 6 month from it in last year.i went to see another doctor he thought i have ocd.i didn tell him about my stupit porn addiction.then
    i fully recoverd in
    this april.all symtoms
    gone.i was so afraid to see even a naked pic.i promise me to never think about sex.i throw away my pc and mobile.but i watched
    porn again now i had another
    nerv breakdown.i did
    some research i have
    hypersexual disorder.now i cant even think properly i cant understand reality.my whole life wasted.all exams failed.i cant live like this.will i able to have a normal life again.everyday my mind tell me to kill my self.i already orderd a drug to kill me without pain.i cant even write this properly.any one please give me a help !
     
  2. Hi Tharaka, please don't go through with it. You don't have to beat yourself up over it. You were just a kid when this all started, and how were you supposed to know any better? It's not your fault. I'm sure you have lots of good qualities about yourself that make up for the things you feel bad about. Keep fighting! And be active on here!
     
    Trappist likes this.
  3. I'm sorry you're feeling so distraught. I'm sure most of us here have had hopeless feelings at times including myself, I recently ended up visiting a couple escorts and I'm feeling extremely ashamed and guilty. Try to pick yourself up, there is life after death so suicide is never going to help. Pray to God and he can help you even with dire situations.
     
  4. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    belive me i did everything.my next exam on this week but i cant remember anything.i dont even know what happen yesterday.
     
  5. its easy to say I know, but I recently thought the best way out of all this would be to find a serious partner/wife.
     
  6. You did the right thing to come here and post. You describe the problem and now is the time to be thoughtful.

    In my uncontrolled thoughts and pain, I’m told to immediately, do nothing.

    Doctors say do no harm.

    So you failed your tests,
    That may simply mean that was not your path. Another path will open, stay calm enough and you’ll see it begin to unfold.

    What small step of improvement can to take today?

    Take that step.

    See this great post, too:

     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2018
  7.  
  8. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Hi Tharaka,

    You are here. You are alive. You have hope.
     
    Trappist likes this.
  9. Wario32

    Wario32 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hey man, I know how hard it can be with OCD. I have it and its a real killer.
    There are ways to combat it.

    https://www.markfreeman.ca/
    Please watch the video and look at Mark freeman's Faq for OCD
    This helped me understand give me ways to fight back OCD
     
    tharaka likes this.
  10. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    i have lost my all dreams.i cant even look after my self.how am i going to take care my parents their all hope is me.they both are in late 60.i feel like i m living in my childhood its strange feeling.
     
  11. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    i m waiting until end of this year if cant heal myself i have to end my mental pain once and for all
     
  12. Good that gives you time.

    So what are you going to do about it?
    Share your recovery plan, which is so important.

    You do not really want to cause those around you pain, either, I would think?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    tommorow is my exam.i already know i cant pass it.i have to wait, time will slove my problem.no porn again.in my country suicide is better solution for people like me.all these years i work hard but now i cant.
     
  14. Ossyblaz9

    Ossyblaz9 Fapstronaut

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    Brother keep believing this is the right platform don't be a coward trying to take ur life u need to take control of ur life and say to that demonic thought to be still and get behind u. I know u can fight it cause I can see ur charisma keep fighting the Lord will see u through
     
    tharaka and Trappist like this.
  15. Ossyblaz9

    Ossyblaz9 Fapstronaut

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    83
    18
    Brother keep believing this is the right platform don't be a coward trying to take ur life u need to take control of ur life and say to that demonic thought to be still and get behind u. I know u can fight it cause I can see ur charisma keep fighting the Lord will see u through
     
    Trappist likes this.
  16. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    Which country is that????

    I have my exams in 2 days just like you. I have big problem with procrastination. Its like I have absolutely no power over my will.

    However, no matter how bad your life could be. Suicide should never be the option...becoz you live only once.....You will never get the opportunity once again... There are millions of blind people...people without limbs who are busy living....because living is an opportunity.
     
    tharaka, Trappist and Deleted Account like this.
  17. Your country is NOT you. Go to a doctor or phone an international service from outside your country. You are using this site because you want to improve, so there is still hope. Do not stop!
     
  18. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    i'm in sri lanka.i have two sisters.no one will maried them if my illness expose.everyone search deeply about family background before have a proper marriage.so i cant let that happen.now my life is like hell.i cant take it anymore.
     
  19. You say yourself 'I have to wait. Time will solve my problem'. This is true. Also, your internet history probably cannot be found if you delete it all. Speak to a professional about your mental health!
     
    tharaka likes this.
  20. tharaka

    tharaka Fapstronaut

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    yes i give 3 month to recover if possible.i still remember last year i feel like i m going to crazy/psysic.i cant trust my mind anymore.what if i heal and then someday in future i will watch porn again i m pretty sure i ll become a Psychosis. what have i done to my brain.
     

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