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The rational male. Dating and dealing with women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by margun, Sep 6, 2018.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I do see why men are drawn to these books. We live in a world where male and female roles are changing by the day . Society is no longer dominated by men. In the past many men gained their self confidence from the fact that they worked and were the providers . Now with females out earning men and taking on the role of primary bread winners men are not quite sure what to do how to act or how to date. But we look for in them the same things they look for in us. I just think many men are not confident enough in who the are Beyond provider and what they have to offer. And so they search for ways to try to regain control and I see this book as another way to do that. In today’s world women are equal partners. Would you want to trick your teammate?
     
    koolpal likes this.
  2. Well, accusing someone of lying is making a moral judgement. And of course neither the original poster, or myself said anything about lying or deceiving anyone, or pretending to be someone else. True, I haven't read the book yet, but I don't think the point of the book is to tell people to lie or deceive women, for example. I think that the original post about "making women compete" is a comment about making use of something (sexual competition), that is a biological phenomenon, something that is natural and normal, something that we all experience and do.

    I just think "be yourself" is one of the most overused phrases and pieces of advice out there. I also think self-esteem is overrated. I think "who we are" is often determined by say, our society, our culture, our biology, etc. So that who we think we are isn't who we chose to be. Why would I want to "be myself" when "who I am" has been determined by forces outside of me? In this case, I think what the author is saying (based on my research so far), is that men are being brought up in a culture now that no longer values them as men (that's a bigger topic than this thread). So that everything I've thought about how to be a guy has really just been a product of how the larger culture wants me to be, emasculated and feminized. Eventually, one gets to a point when he or she "wakes up", decides to reject the larger culture and by extension his or her pre-determined self, and try to make oneself in to who one wants to be. That is not the same thing as lying or deceiving or tricking people, in fact, quite the opposite
     
  3. Hi GG, see my reply to Elevate above, it is the same reply I would give to you
     
  4. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    Thanks mate. Really glad you liked it. Im loving the book. I dont agree With everything, but it has made me reconsider the values and ideas I have been living by for so long. Someone else in here are obviously not willing to learn something New or get a New perspective. I appreciate you. Sorry for bad English, im Norwegian.
     
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  5. margun

    margun Fapstronaut

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    Im not saying I agree With everything in the book. Im just reccomending the book becuse it will give you some New ways to think about women and realationships. Things that will benefit men for once. But I think i said something that offended you. I have never seen someone get so offended from a book summary before. So maybe Rollo Tomassi speaks the truth? Why else would you be offended and be so offensive in Your responds? I dont mean to be rude, but i find Your responde very interesting. I didnt expect someone to be so offended by it. But Rollo Tomassi warned about it as well. (ps. sorry for bad English, not my first Language)
     
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  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Having an opinion doesn't mean I'm offended. It means I have an opinion.

    Your English is more than good enough.
     
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  7. Thanks, you're doing fine! :emoji_thumbsup: And I'd like to tie this thread in to recovery from porn as well, since that is why we are here. Unfortunately, porn addiction keeps one from changing, breaking free, becoming better. Porn is like a drug that numbs you to the harsh truth about existence, reality. When you let go of that drug, porn, you can start to see the world for what it is, confront it, and overcome it
     
  8. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    I disagree. Men aren't interested in regaining any control. They are trying to LEVEL the playing field. Women get some 10x the responses as men on online dating sites. Women get approached in real life by men more than men get approached by women. Women get hit on more than men get hit on. And on and on. These books allow men to try to just have a chance at happiness. The average woman is spoiled, having it much better than the average guy. As a woman, you have it so good, but often don't realize it. Try being a guy for a week and you'll be screaming to change you back to a woman. Thank goodness these books exist!!
     
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  9. An opinion of a guy with almost no dating experience (for what it's worth): I think these tactics are useful for increasing your notch count. If the goal is to build a relationship, at some point you have to commit. I can't imagine a woman marrying a dude who's seeing others on the side.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  10. I would agree. The goal of contemporary feminism is no longer about equality of the sexes, it is about tearing men down. Though, if I really wanted to score with women and get laid, I suppose I could always "pretend" to be a feminist. Nah
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 10, 2018
  11. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Just because a women gets more attention doesn’t mean they want it or it’s coming from a genuine place. Being jealous of how much more attention women may be getting doesn’t help your circumstance it just makes you seem angry and bitter towards them . There are quality women out there you just need to find ways to find them and stop blaming others it isn’t easy finding a partner for either of us men or women. When it comes down to it we need to look at ourselves and asking I’m I becoming the person who I want to attract or I’m I just gonna blame others for not meeting an expectation I myself can’t even reach. Furthermore why do you think women owe you so much? You think getting attention some how equates to happiness and value?
     
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  12. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    I am jealous of the attention that women get, sure, but not angry at them. And when did I say that women owe me something? And yes, getting attention is of value. You disagree?
     
  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Yes I disagree attention doesn’t always lead to meaningful interactions especially if it’s coming from the wrong place. So no there is no value in getting attention from strangers if they don’t have good intentions. Also I see no point in being jealous of anyone let alone women it happens from time to time but that energy could be used to develop something more meaningful. I don’t blame women anymore for me being single I see now that is my attitude that is holding me back and I’m trying to become the person I want to attract instead of dwelling on things I have no control over but I’m only speaking for myself
     
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  14. Sounds vulgar and desensitized. Not going to read the book and I would suggest others don't either.

    Don't forget that porn's effects on you are extensive, including giving you a bleak and deadened perspective on things.
    YBOP: Quitting Porn? Prepare for more vibrant emotions.
     
  15. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    That is an inaccurate statement about modern feminism and comes off as bitter. Feminism means I make my own choices as a woman and I am your equal. If as a man that means you feel torn down that’s not about feminism it’s about you. I have read all of your responses and from what I see you have very low self esteem and self worth. It’s very sad to read . I suggest you work on yourself first before you consider dating.
     
  16. No, yours is an inaccurate statement about modern feminism. Maybe that was true at one point in history, but not today. Men are evil, for being men. Women are beyond reproach, and must be protected as victims. Damn right I'm upset about that!
    "I suggest you work on yourself first before you consider dating." Translation: "Work on yourself so you will be more acceptable to feminists"
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2018
  17. Translation: "That book is not very nice and says mean things"

    I think you have it backwards. Porn use covers up "the bleakness" of things. It covers up the negative emotions. That all starts to come out once you start to give it up. At least that's true in my case, anyways
     
  18. ...You're 0 days free of porn. It can take many months to get over porn withdrawal and recover properly.

    Anyways, I wasn't saying that the world/culture is nice right now (especially not in America.) I'm just saying that porn is desensitizing. I felt almost 0 empathy and kindness when I was a porn addict, I became virtually completely numb to positive feelings of all kinds, was immune to almost everything but anger and stress.

    "Porn will rob all the love and joy out of your heart and completely desensitize you." - Gabe Deem
     
  19. And? I'm at day zero if you count this as the start of my recovery, which it's not. Since joining NoFap two months ago, I've looked at far less porn and fapped far less than I ever have. That's not perfection, but it's progress. And I agree, during this time, there has definitely been some withdrawal, and the negative emotions have come out. But to tie this back in to the main thread, I really think that part of the antidote to the negativity is to start feeling good about being a guy, and pushing back on what the larger culture is saying. In fact, pushing back on this thread makes me feel better, instead of being my typical meek, deferential self. NoFap has changed me
     
  20. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    GG2002, it may be that you don't tear men down as part of your feminism, but many feminists do. You see that on the Internet, don't you?
     
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