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i don't want a girfriend

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by kingpietro, Aug 23, 2018.

  1. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    Dear forum,

    I was wondering if i am the only person who has the same experience. Now that I removed porn from my life I noticed i returning back to my normal self I am more happier and in my life and enjoy life.

    But more importantly I realized the only reason I wanted a girlfriend was for sex because of porn.

    Now that I removed this issue I noticed I don’t really care at all about having a girlfriend. I enjoy my life and have lots of hobbies, passions in my life and I really don’t care at all for a girlfriend of course if I would meet someone who makes me happy and helps me to get better at life I would date her definitely.

    It frustrates me that all my friends tell me to get a girlfriend that its about time I should find someone. Its starting to get on my nerves why do we live in a society where I am obligated to date someone or else I am a loser?


    I had aacquaintances call me a loser because I wasn’t dating someone.
    I am single and are happy about it and I aren’t searching for a relationships.

    So my question is do you guys experience the same thing you don't need a girfriend? and how do you deal with this society pressure of getting a girlfriend while you are happy without it?
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2018
  2. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    They are the losers. A good way to deal with society's pressures is to say that you're more focused on other things in your life. Like some people say they're married to their work.
     
  3. Wow I don't know who you acquaintances are but that's there baggage coming out about calling you a loser its there insecurity showing up. Not everyone who is dating someone is happy I have found that to be very true myself. If your happy being single good for you after I had a break up with my girlfriend a couple of years ago I was looking forward to being single again and taking a break from the dating game helped me refreash my mind and also to look for the traits I want in a women I would want to spend time with not just a hot body I wanted a good person as well ,
     
  4. Fuck em. People are so annoying and act prestigious when they’re really just losers who need validation.

    You’re living good on your own. Happy and free. That beats any shit life society tries to force you to have. Don’t let other’s opinions take away your happiness.
     
  5. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Coming from someone who has never been in relationship and has done NoFap for almost 1yr and a half. It’s not that I necessarily don’t want a gf it’s just that I want someone who will be good for me and being celibate for so long I’m starting to work on areas of my life I’ve ignored for so long.I’m just learning to love myself and improve and become the person I would love and for so long I was concerned about getting with hot girls and casual sex and I realize I’m not the person and I was lying to myself because of the pressure from friends and society I was making that my goal. But now my faith is stronger and God has helped me along this journey I’m becoming more awake to how that chase and lust can make you miserable now I’m concerned about being my best self and everything will fall into place. I’ve seen this saying on this forum a few times once you stop being the person people expect you to be you will become the person you were intended to be.
     
  6. RevFlav100

    RevFlav100 Fapstronaut

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    I definitely don't NEED a girlfriend, but contrary to you I really WANT one largely because I no longer have porn in my life.
     
  7. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    You're not the only one. I am a thirty year old woman and am happy enough being single. Like you I would date someone if they're right for me but I don't really get hung up on looking for someone. My brother is 28 and single and says he feels a lot of pressure from society to date, though he is happy being single. I don't feel this pressure. Maybe it's because I really don't care what others think or maybe there is more pressure on men?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man this thread made me realize I might be paying too much attention looking for a gf. You're right with p out of my life I should be enjoying the my hobbies more instead of looking and judging everyone I see. I'm going to enjoy myself more and not worry about not having a gf anymore
     
    kingpietro likes this.
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If your acquaintances were happy with their lives, then they wouldn't feel the need to bring you down. People who are fulfilled support and wish the best for others. People who are thriving in their life give positive energy rather than wasting time trying to make other people feel bad. People are either too busy having an awesome life or they have a shitty life and they feel the need to make other people have shitty lives as well.

    On your side of things, this would bother you if you placed value on their opinion. If you wanted their validation. If you want to become like them and have their lives. If you weren't certain with who you are and what you want. That allows for other people's intentions, feelings, desires, beliefs, thoughts, and certainty to overpower and influence yours.

    It's like if you love playing basketball and a group of people told you that you're pathetic and that you're a loser for playing such a dumb sport. It wouldn't even register in your mind. You would laugh it off and say "Ummm okay... I'm going to go play now. Bye."

    You: *Petting a dog*
    Group of beautiful women: "Oh you like dogs? Lol lol lol... You're a disgusting idiot."
    You: *Continues playing with the dog*
    (It just wouldn't compute in your mind or bother you at all because you're certain that dogs are fucking cool and you love playing with them.)

    So the fact that this situation bothers you and that you're taking it personally means that you're placing too much importance on the opinions of people that you don't even want to be like.
     
  10. RevFlav100

    RevFlav100 Fapstronaut

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    This right here is so effing true.
     
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  11. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    There is more pressure on men in the sence other guys would thinx you are less of a "man" because you aren't hooking up. sadly we live in a society where some people see having lots of sex or having a girlfriend as something as a high social status.

    Let me put it this way :
    • If a girl is single they mostly have empathy for it. They are like a man didn't approach her yet that is sad i hope she will find the one
    • While a guy is single most of the time they will thinx he must be a loser because he can't get any girls.

    While maybe the guy is just happy single and doesn't want a girlfriend because he has other things to do in his life.
     
  12. There is a difference between a girl friend and a beloved... :) And I am glad that I want the latter in my life and don't stumble around here and there looking for the former... :)
     
  13. I don't think that's true, I know of a number of women who have great pressure put on them to get a boyfriend. Women are made to feel ugly and unfulfilled if they don't have a man.

    But as for yourself, there's nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend. Some people I know think I should be with someone but the people who know me well don't think like that. Have you told people how you feel about this? If not maybe you should. A friend of mine was talking about getting a girlfriend, I explained to him some of the reasons why I didn't want one and he then thought it made sense. True friends support you and want what's best for you.

    I've heard many people say the day they stopped looking for a SO was the moment they met them. That might happen to or it might not, but you should do for what's best for you. And anyway I personally think anyone who's single shouldn't date until they've made it at least a year without PMO.
     
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  14. That is very true have seen that many times in my life
     
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  15. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    This is probably true actually. I do get the sense that some people feel a bit sorry for me. Ironically I asked my last boyfriend out and not the other way around. How feminist of me ;-)

    As for my brother though, I have told him that I support his decision to be single completely. I respect his integrity in this matter and find it very mature.
     
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  16. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    Because people are sheep and have a hard time thinking out of the societal box. Don't bother listening to them. If you're happy on your own, that's amazing! Very few people can say they are, so just keep doing you and enjoy the people you meet along the way.
     
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  17. berggg

    berggg Fapstronaut

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    For me it's (so far) the oposite. Porn and faping made me lose interest in sex. So I didn't really feel I needed a girlfriend. But now I'm so fucking horny that I need a girlfriend, or at least a lover. I'm not allowing myself to even think of porn now. That leads me to instead think of normal sex with both girls I see and girls I've experienced (which I think is not a bad thing!).

    I can't imagine myself never fapping regularly anymore and at the same time not having the opportunity to regularly have normal sex. That will lead to a relapse, maybe with porn too.
     
  18. I would definitely agree with you man. Right now in my position I enjoy being single, I wouldn't mind dating someone I find interested in but other that I am in no rush for a relationship. I like being single, I love having me time, time for my work and soon time for my education. Fuck society.
     
  19. Hello guys, I've got a question which is related, even though it's just a bit. I've got same feelings about it - I don't want to have a girlfriend just to consume some benefits and just because others see it as a good way. Don't care much about notions of others about this anyway. I am not avoiding relationships at all but on the other hand, I don't want to start a relationship just because some girl like me and I find her pretty. I've got some experiences of this kind and I don't want it again. If there will be someone which I will find special (and if I will see any perspective of future - which is the thing which I usually miss when I meet some girl) I'll make a stop forward. I don't want to use others as an object of my urge (which is happening very often in my opinion if you consider this "going alpha" hype) because I don't find it really virtuous.
    So, the question is.. even though I am not abstaining long time, I can see a big differencies. I can comunicate with others more fluently and confidently and I am starting to be more in a center of attention (especially of women). And an issue which I found recently (when I looked back to my past attempts) that I had same experiences like this before. But it led me to the situation, that I was in attention so much, that I coulnd't keep distance which led me to one of two options.. start a relationship with a girl (but only as a consequence of my urges), or relapsing. So my question is - how to keep a distance? I don't feel this pressure now, but I would like to know your opinions in advance to prepare myself better. Because there is also middle way, but it didn't work very good for me - you know, just straining the will. It does not work if you want to keep it just like this for longer time in my opinion.
    Thank you for your advices and notions. We can make it together.
     
  20. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly......You decide what is best for you.

    I think the same. I am currently single. That doesnot make me a loser (or a winner). Your relationship status is no where related to your success/failures.

    I have learned that we should not care about the opinions of others. The reason is that there are 7.4 billions of others. Therefore, no matter how much we try we cannot make them all happy.
     
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