Anxiety of relapsing.

I see day x coming where I will be at the time unobserved in the place I used for PMO. That's a pure nightmare because in the past I told myself I don't know how often: 'Don't do it today!' and then exactly the opposite happened.

 

Can't take a shower there and I already tried tiring myself and it didn't work. Somehow I need to be strong.

I am trying to make a list of positive things which I can do in this environment.

1. Listening to music which expresses positive feelings to overcome hardship in life: Beethoven!!!!
2. Preparing the day before a to do list
3. Put over my computer screen a picture of my family to remind me why I have to be strong

 

This becomes one of the new holy scriptures for me. I think I have to read it each time I feel low and having the urge for release. Thanks, bro!

 

Today is day x, earlier than I previewed. I am alone in the place sitting at the computer I used for my PMO and plenty of time left to rub one out. Even knowing that after a long abstinence I might get pretty high on watching porn doesn't create a craving strong enough to let down all the guards.

Strange feeling. I am looking around and everything looks so calm. Some slight itching downstairs reminds me of my previous habits, but there is no direct temptation to unlock the porn blocker and go to work. After my 'savor the morning erection' I feel somehow flat. Not even the urge to pull up a photo of a beautiful woman. Seems that my previous strategy of self reward in other forms going with the natural rhythm of my body are working pretty efficiently. Another help was dropping weight and drinking soy milk every day to lower the testosterone level. Somehow I can't believe that this is happening. I just smoked one cigarette.

I need to remember this moment for the future because the calmness feels just amazingly good in my mind and in my body.

Porn is boring
Porn is dumb
Porn doesn't love me
There are better and more fulfilling things in life.