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Social skills: learning, attempting and sharing ethical approaches to women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Sc8r51o1n, Dec 10, 2017.

  1. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Today for the first time I experienced what it is to talk like you don't care what is going to happen. Well it was texting, but still. And all of a sudden, they responded in positive way.
    So abundance mentality and not caring for outcomes really does work. And it feels light, carefree.
     
  2. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    Yup. Especially when it comes to texting, don't take it too seriously. If she's someone who gets ticked off by little stuff she's not worth wasting your time on. That's the mentality that's worked for me.
     
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  3. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    On the texting part - well I got fooled by her to talk about her body and sex. Then I escalated in sharing sexual preferences.
    At some point she was acting interested in me.
    At the time we were negotiating a meeting I was too fooled and free to talk about sex, that she got pushed away.
    I looked like the horny dork at the end, although she was not responding to anything else other than sex and sexy stuff.
    I a word I fell in her frame. Note to self, set stronger frames.

    The other girl was answering short and disinterested and just stopped writing.

    Overall my conclusion was DFQ with this online imaginary communication, I am uninstalling Tinder once again and will count only on live meetings. Although they are harder, I can reveal my personality there.
     
  4. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    And the same day I uninstalled Tinder, I went to Friday party at Rubik. The start was good with learning some foosball and a new grip for the handles. Then we got for a breather out.
    There were only two girls there dancing. And they invited them to join them. And they asked for my name first and very fast. At some point, my teammate joined and it was fun talking about stuff, guessing our age and so on. Megi is the one that had an eye on me, and she got my attention as she had the curvy shape of a former girlfriend of mine.
    At some point, we held longer eye contact with awkward silence (creating tension by Brian Begin, Fearlessman project, check it out) and she said she is leaving us going back in. Later I met her at the bar. Then we danced and I knew it was on.
    At three time during that night, I consciously did what I wanted to do, and not what others were saying.
    One - the bros were like, let's go outside, obviously, we are better at talking than in dancing. I said I want to stay in (and dance with her).
    Two - she was having a break and I heard my favorite Despasito (no joke) and I wanted to dance that with her. So I found her. She said to go outside, and I followed. But on the dancefloor, I asked her to stop and dance for that song only. And we did.
    Three - The two of us were sitting outside talking about stars in the sky. And I knew it was on, and that I want to kiss her. So I faced her and I felt her scent, so I sniffed deeper and asked her about the scent. She got shy and ashamed that she is all sweaty, but she really smelled nice to me. I don't remember how, but I just leaned in and she leaned and we kissed a while. Then she got ashamed by the people nearby and we moved back in.
    Four actually - I drove her home and we were about to kiss some more when FB chat kicked in, reporting missing bag of one of her friends. So I suggested and wanted to go back and help them. We did and it was me actually that asked the guards and they confirmed they had found it. So I became the hero of the night saving her friend.
    Once we got back in the car she gave me big kiss straight away!
    No, we did not f88k as, it was 5 in the morning, but it seems inevitable now. As long as I find a proper place to do it.

    I cannot conduct the chemistry that led to the kiss itself but it was an hour of talking about stuff, building our own child-house our of insulating polystyrene plates, and eye contact.

    It happens to be my 221st day in NoFap, my wristband number was 211421 in Rubik and it was great magical night!
    Her number appears to be 211408 - 13 people before me.
     
  5. Great bro! That is like a dream! Good for ya! It also motivates me to continue.
     
    Sc8r51o1n likes this.
  6. Bro these days I've been making eye contact to some chicks, some of them do smiled. This pickup stuff definitely is for me. I'll be uploading experiences here too!
     
  7. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Go ahead, you are welcome.
     
  8. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Well I know nothing, obviously.
    Day and a half later we met at Sunday midnight near her place after my nightshift. I had texted her that I wanted to kiss her goodnight and to make plans for the upcoming week. When we met she asked me about our relation. That Friday night was cool and all but she don't know me. She said she was thinking about the kiss goodnight and she has promised herself not to kiss me that night.
    I accepted her choice and talked with her two hours. 30 minutes in we cuddled sitting. My hand resting on the skin of her tie, purposely not moving. I loved her scent, she said she likes me very much too.
    She asked me about previous relationships, shared a bit abour her unsuccessful one.
    Important detail is we played push-hands, a tai chi excercise and she loved it. She tried a throw, but I avoided.
    At the goodbye I kisses her cheek I as wanted to steal a kiss, but also not to violate her choice. She smiled that the cheek is allowed.

    On Monday we went to Rubik to practice some foosball and she joined. The idea was that she shows me her Facebook profile live, and then I will too. That is along the part of getting to know each other.
    The fun part of the night was that we played together against two boys and we won 9:7, as she was my goalie and I was scorer. She defended well! Later went she drove me home I shared that I knew the opponents were good and I did not expect us to win. And she demonstrated minds, sharing that she applied an idea from her Statistics subject in university and she was covering the most probable angles of attack by them! Smart cookie. I accidentally kissed her neck goodbye missing her cheek, and she shivered saying that her neck is very sensitive. I said that I will remember.

    Next meeting was Thursday night, just last night.
    I was nearby and took her with the car almost not planned.
    Then we registered for a beerpong tournament as planned.
    She was amazed to learn I am vegetarian, as she was taking how she loves to tease vegetarians chewing porkchops in front of them.
    This time I showed my Facebook profile and pictures telling stories. She was kind of judgemental against LGBT people, religious people and vegetarians.
    Those topics are indeed subjects to ruin any mood in a conversation, so I did not contribute and neither tried to change the subject. We played a game of foosball, a slow one.
    The mood of the first hours was distance and simple friendship, even companionship.
    She was sitting not too close from me, not touching.
    At one point the beerpong tournament started and we moved to watch an learn rules before our match.
    As she left her beer, I wondered should I scare her with the touch of the cold bottle on her naked arm skin. I decided not, but shared the idea. She said she will not be scared.
    And that made me do it. Immediately I chose the coldest bottle at my reach and behind her back I touched her bare shoulder with the bottle. She screamed and jumped in her place.
    I giggled and said, I told you so, and you were acting as a strong woman.

    Some minutes lated I asked about her sense of tickle. She asked about which body part I ask. I grinned and said that I like the answer. I meant the ribs part and I slid my finger along. The had tickle.
    She tried to find mine to no avail but demonstrated and found a few spots no my ribs.
    The takeaway is that the mood was again playful.

    I rest my hand on her belly and she moved it away, as she is chubby, and while sitting, there were skin pokets that restet in my hand and she felt self conscious. My she did not mind my hand, just the place of it.

    Game one - we were to play against team "roki". Great coinsidance as she suggested teamname RoKi for us, and I suggested "StarCounting" and finally we settled on "StarFight". But if we were to name the team Roki, it would have been RoKi vs roki! What is the chance among 21 registered teams. We won as I aimed well and she missed quite a few.
    Later we asked team roki why they chose that name and it was after one of the team mates - Rocky. And we wished him good luck. And they said he was a she! They were lesbians or other LGBT people and I later told my girl that there - she spoke of LGBT and there they were.

    We went out for some air and played push-hands by her idea. I tried to kiss her and she evaded the kisses. I was no longer in the mood of compying, as I knew and felt I need to lead to what I want. And I feel she wants it too and needs her tests passed. In the end I forced her head in a position and kissed her lips, only to find a bunch of her loose hair as a wall between our lips. She was trimphant but also biting her lip, which I read as liking.

    In game two, round of 16, the final shots were long. The rule is simply to hit the first 5 cups, but the very last, you have to put the ball in the cup. So it was a long, terribly long shootout, with me hitting many many edges of the cup, and most the other players missing the cup. For me it was a battle of will, even a battle to retain my calm. So after many many shots and the cups moved closer and closer twice, it was me that made the scoring shot once again. All my friends in Rubik were watching and cheered.
    All my darts practice worked for me in that moment.

    The other thing that I noticed with the girl is that I was doing all the chasing. Probably even looking needy. So I pulled a little bit back.

    In the round of 8 we played against two boys. One of the LGBT girls from team roki was leaving and wished me luck squeezing my arm. How about some social proof and attraction out of nowhere.
    The other team was missing quite much. I realized that I aim for far edge or close edge and I hit those edges with the ball. So I aimed for the middle and scored! We were on the semifinal!

    The girl as amazed and as we sat her hand was on my leg. She was exited how far we went in the bracket and how good I aim. She was eager to play better and support me better for the next games.

    We lost the semi and got knocked out, but it was good evenish game. She sked me to go out again.
    I went ahead and just sat there, acting non-needy and distant. We did a long stare-down game, she was good but first to look to the side. We called it even.
    Then she asked me to play push-hands again. This time I was commited to kiss her, and I did so. And it was long making out. I escalated to grab her large boobs for the first time, so far purposly avoiding them during push-hands.
    At some point she was not rejecting my hands all over her body and was grabbing her ass too, and she was exited, her breath changed.

    I started to think about going somewhere making sex, but there were some limitations I knew - I have no place, she lives with her brother and she is shy, and my foosball has a place and he was even proposing that I "pull" her there. But he would sleep on a couch across a curtain, and she is shy coutryside girl with prejudice.
    So I vocalized going somewhere and she said that whereever we go, we will not proceed from making out. She gave herself a promise and she would wait for sex until the right time.
    I thought a lot about open relationships, not willing to wait and what not. All I told her is that I accept her choise. Eventually we left, I drove her to her place.
    Along the ride and then at the parking she told me story of her first relationship with a boy that treated her as an experiment and that was two year relationship.
    She also said that if one is not willing to commit, why going out at all.
    She said she is outgoing type, not a home girl. Actually a healthy mixture of both.
    It was a journey in her soul and I listened. Now I wonder what I want from her and will I do more damage than good.

    So in retrospective - accepting her choises is my "ethical" part of the title of the thread.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2018
  9. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    We went out for a midnight walk in the park by the sea.
    Long story short, in the end in the car, the question about or "relationship" arose.
    I said that that question must be discussed, as it was hanging and that was a problem.
    I was sincere. If it was not ment to be, why trying to lie her or manipulate her.
    So I defined the relationship as next phase of flirting and she agreed.
    She mentioned our 10 years of age difference.
    I told her that it is only normal for her to go out and get to know many men in the next 3-5 years, and i understand that.
    I also shared that I want to get to know her better.
    And that, truth be told, I want to meet many women too.
    I told her that I can't promise her anything. But that it can be good while we are together.
    She tried to define us as friends, if she was to cut out the kissing and make out moments in Rubik.
    "What happens in Rubik, stays in Rubik".
    I grinned and told her that I will not accept to be friendzoned as my attraction for her is my drive.
    And I told her once again that I like her scent, her brains.
    It turns out she didn't think very high of her brains.
    She also shared that me liking her scent was a turning moment, as she was self conscious.
    As we discussed those matters she became more playful, more touchy, more intimate.
    Ww wouldn't kiss on the lips as the felt ill and didn't want to infect me too.
    But we kissed cheecks and felt each other's skin.
    Once the subject of relationship and expectations was kind of covered, I felt lighter, it was not dreadfully hanging anymore.
    So in retrospect - speak your mind and don't care too much what happens.
     
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  10. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    After the last post, she started messaging me on regular basis. So it felt like we are a couple. Kind of. On 18th she even came to an event where I was to be on stage. We met shortly in the backstage, me in full kung-fu costume and a sword. We took a few pictures, I thanked her for taking the trouble to come by, as she had other plans in 30 minutes. She had an appointment with a hairdresser for her end-of-university party. I kissed her on the cheek, as she still pulls away. A sore throat being the official reason.

    So the night before, she successfully took her written exam in English at Uni and I suggested we meet. She said it must be short. Finally, she agreed on coming in the office to play coop game called "Ibb & Obb" sitting on soft formless chairs puffs. And playing with the help of a projector and on one keyboard.
    I set it all up and it looked cool. We sat next to each other and played. The game is challenging and requires teamwork and communication. At some point, we got even closer together, with my arm resting on her thigh, and under her arm. It felt intimate.
    We occasionally highfive as we solve challenges.

    And there comes a tough challenge, we work on it like 10 tries. In the end, we solve it, as she did all the heavy lifting. And we highfive. I stare at her longer and lean for a kiss. She pulls away. She is serious to pull away.

    My mood is ruined and after a few challenges there comes another tough one, and I resign. I am sleepy and I say we must stop. So we order it all back, I tease her and tell her not to pull away because I could grab her hair again and force kiss her. She bites her lip excited but does not come for a kiss.
    Once the stuff is all ordered back to places, I grab her and try to force kiss her, and she pulls away again, and seriously. I stop trying, as not willing to go into needy mode. So far I was in Leading mode.
    Some five minutes later she asks me why am I frowning.
    I smile, think a little and go for the truth. I say that I cant understand her female logic.

    We walk 10 minutes to her place and talk some 20 minutes more on why she is not willing to commit head first. Most importantly because she thinks our relationship has no foundation. And she wants to avoid mistakes from her two previous relationships.
    She want to prevent me from thinking about escalation, as she knows that one thing leads to another and she would rather not allow the start. And she wants to avoid escalation because she can't see the relationship in longterm.
    The said also that, that was the best date for her ever.
    There is the metaphor of willing to eat cake, but after some time the cake gets well-know and boring and all falls apart. I once again tell her that I can't promise her anything and anything could happen, given time.
    Important, I also share that I don't want to have multiple relationships at the same time. I thought I want, but I realized I don't, as it is bit treason and shallow involvement in any of them.

    After we part, I think long and hard is she worth the trouble. Am I chasing her? I conclude that I dont want to cut her yet as she is worth the trouble and I want to learn from the situation and solve the situation. Otherwize, the situation will appear again, Karma is a bitch.
    And I decide that I will pull a little away and not give her attention/caress, if she is not giving anything too.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2018
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  11. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    The next night we meet at Rubik.
    It is midnight and I am sleepy, so we sit on a couch. She asks me out of the blue maybe, about the strangest position in sex that I have had. I ask should we talk about sex and she denies. But I reply and we talk long.
    I also ask at some point, that were the problems she has had with her previous BFs. And she talks long. I demonstrate understanding as I correctly state what she must have felt back then.
    At some point, she replied that it is very obvious that she wants to spend time with me still, which means she likes me big time and she enjoys my company.
    All the night I am in almost closed body language. She is kind of too.
    There were moments of tension and we stayed in them. I spoke my mind in a state of tension. And it turns out it is not so scary.
    We sit in silence for two minutes.
    She goes to the restroom.
    I notice books behind her place with funny titles, very accurate about our talk so far about relationships and our to-be relationship.
    When she comes back we discuss the books and do the "find you answer" game, as we open at random in the books and read random sentences. They were funny and almost on point.
    On our way out we cheer up as I playfully squeeze her boob, later she smacks my ass.
    It is very late and we leave, she takes me and the bike with her car.
    She leaves me at my place, at the parking.
    We are about to say goodbye and she spreads arms for a hug and I only fist bump her. Now I manipulate her consciously. She then reaches for a fist bump and I spread hands for a hug, expectingt hat she comes.
    I want her to commit and surrender.
    She leans on her car, I stay 2 meters away. We look each other in the eye and keep silence. There is no staring contest, just looking. I wonder what did I do, how do I proceed now. I wanted to be distant and I am, but what is next. It is 4 in the morning, I shiver from the cold, my thinking goes away.
    She is still there waiting and not leaving.
    There is no thinking, I simply take two steps and I hug her. And she hugs me the hardest I have ever felt so far. It is nice and I say it.
    She said she was wishing that I hug her. I say that I wanted it too. We stay like this for a minute or two, long time.
    I move my hands up and down her body and I stop, as I get excited. I move my hands to her hair and face. We look at each other. I want to kiss her, but I know better.
    I will make her kiss me. The plan clicks in my head.
    I lock my arms around her as if I were a wrestler willing to break one's back. And I say nothing.
    At some point, she says she must leave. And I say she is locked and must unlock.
    She fights a couple of minutes and it is fun, but she has no way to be stronger than me. Funny detail, her arms are in the lock too, so she can't use them.
    She starts to wonder how to unlock the lock. What kind of move could help? I hint her that the lock is at plain sight. Right *above* her nose, as I am taller.
    She looks at me, looks at my lips and at me again. She is thinking about it. She asks what would that mean, the kiss that is. She got me there, tough question. I say that it will be the unlock for the night.
    She kisses my cheek.
    The other cheek.
    Kisses my nose.
    "Hm, it doesn't work, where could be it.", she sais smiling.
    She even reaches for my forehead.
    "Well, well, what could it be", as she plays dumb.
    And ever so slowly she gets closer and touches her closed lips with mine. It is like parent child kiss, but it feels like honey, the way she played along.
    I unlock my arms up to the fingers but the tips of the fingers are still touching with my arms around her. She moves, bends and pulls away. Her hair gets in my fingers and causes her pain as she pulls away. She frowns a little and I appollogise, adding that she did not fully unlock and that is why she caused herself pain.
    She smiles and wonders how comes she did not unlock fully.
    I smirk and stay a little, then I realize I must take the lead again, and go to her and kiss her properly. She responds and our tongues dance together.
    After we finish I say that, I will even open the door of her car now :D
    As we part I say I have forgotten. She asks about what. I lean and whisper that I have forgotten how good she kisses. She blushes and sends me air kiss moments later.

    So brothers, tension and managing tension is a great tool. Cheers.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2018
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  12. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    @%32 this is the thread I mentioned.

    And I should finish the story with Meggy, as there is valuable information to share.
     
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  13. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    You need to create a i don't give a fuck attitute. like someone mentioned if you care less about the result you have a higher change of succeeding.

    You should be he i do'n't give a fuck. You are living way to up tide accept how you are and know that you are worthy of getting a lot of woman and that everything will be allright that if a woman will reject you she wasn't the right one and there are plenty of other woman that will like you.


    watch my previous post on a previous topic :

     
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  14. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    And this is why i used to write field reports. I don't remember the valuable information to share. But Meggy was fun period. And the sexual frustration made me break my streak back then.
     
  15. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    This is my thread and I choose to necromance/ reboot/ undust it.
     
  16. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Social dancing report 24.11.2020 (day 33)

    Preface:
    There is this cute shy girl E. in Bachata class. I asked her out in July, she acted deaf, with zero reaction.
    Recently I asked her out again. She said with a sad smile "No, thank you" touching my arm.
    I am not accepting this as a full rejection yet, because I don't know if she is overly shy or there is another reason for her rejection. So I must understand the details.
    In the next lesson, I did not ask her anything, I didn't find an opportunity and courage to ask her.

    Today:

    Part 1. Bachata class.

    It is Tuesday, possible COVID-19 Lock-down was proposed yesterday, starting Friday.
    She was there just fresh in the room waiting for the class to start, standing. I looked at her, I was a little anxious, but knowing that this is the best opportunity that I will find, I leaned on the wall next to her and asked her with whom she is going to spend the incoming Lock-down. She was surprised and replied that she will be at home with her family. That was not exactly as planned and did not give me enough information, and actually, I haven't given her enough context of what I am asking about.
    So I went on something like:
    "When I asked you out, you rejected, what are you afraid of"?
    "I am not afraid", she replied.
    "Yeah, I am asking for your reasons, for me to understand", I had to explain my indirect questions once again.
    "Well I simply don't want, but thank you", and then she added, "I simply have a boyfriend".
    "That is what I was trying to understand", I smiled, "shall we dance?", and we did a few combos.

    And now actually, she opened up more to talk with me. We had even more eye contact and smiles and at some point, she said that it is only me that does the Havana combo. I explained to her that I like the combo and I want to keep it in my moves. She confirmed that it is a very nice combo for her too.

    Conclusion:
    There was another girl that I asked out in the same group and also understood that she is with boyfriend. And after that, we also have great eye contact and smiles during dancing. It is like talking with our eyes. And we joke and have conversations and I ask her about her girl-friends to introduce me.
    There is something very liberating in asking a girl out and then continuing to keep in touch.



    Part 2. Salsa beginners class.
    Preface:
    I dance for a year now. In the beginners class sometimes there are not enough men and too many girls without partners. So I use the opportunity to give a helping hand to the instructors and also to get to know new people in the group.
    There is this cutie that last time we danced I noticed looks like a friend of a friend. But I did not approach her to ask her if she is that friend.

    So today I joined the class to help a bit and when I got to her I asked her if her name is, by any chance, K. She smiled, said no, and asked why. As we were dancing I stuttered, it is hard to explain and to listen to the commands from the instructors and to lead at the same time. So after mumbling a bit, I told her that we should dance now and I will tell her after the class.
    On the next rotation to her, there was downtime, and I told her that she looks like a friend of a friend from FB and I am checking to see if it is her. And we danced.
    The fun part comes on the next rotation when I am simply standing by her, looking at the instructors and she actually opened me and told me "My name is G, by the way". I was honestly surprised and said "Nice to meet you" and shook her given hand, and realized that it is only polite to say "I am A., by the way".

    And that is the end of the story so far. Let's see if this is the 5th girl that I like and already taken. It makes sense, of course, for quality women not to stay vacant for too long, but who knows when the luck strikes.
     
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  17. Sc8r51o1n

    Sc8r51o1n Fapstronaut

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    Got scared or indecisive last nigth. I do salsa classes. On Fridays there is a fixing hour - come and learn what you didn't grasp. I use it as a party: to meet new people from the other groups. So there is this girl with magnificent curly hair. I am uncomfortable to say her face is a 5 or a 6. Yesterday i noticed her body is 10 out of ten and as we danced i noticed she is moving very well. I asked her name and she even asked me for mine. I invited her to dance like three times both salsa and bachata. Even after one song i danced with another partner and looked at her looking at me and we smiled. At some point she was leaving, i saw her leaving and i froze. I didn't call her, as it will be socially wrong. I thought about going out after her, but got indecisive, scared, had excuses like the cold and didn't do it. I felt like sharing. Thanks for listening. I hope i meet her once more and i will ask her out. There are so many girls that i want to ask out, i am overwhelmed actually. Like three of them. I need to set my priorities and a plan.
     
  18. Sc8r51o1n

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