Seeking Help

So today I have decided I need to seek help.

I just turned 30 and had a number of positive things happen. I am getting a house in a city near younger people my age and hold a stable job. However, my time PMOing has cut out my social life.

I am close with my family and use them as a security blanket. I used to go out on my own and try to meet people.

I have always been intimidated by attractive women.

I was afraid to approach them and as a resukt turned to pmo. Worst thing i could’ve done. I was 19 when things went bad - my ex even warned me about this and said it would screw up my life. I had no idea. Now I am kicking myself.

As of today, I am 8 days into nofap and feel the flatline. It is really eye opening to see what happens when you pull away from the computer and realize what you are missing in the world.

About a month and a half ago I met someone who was a great addition to my life. The circumstances which I met her are odd and I cannot post exactly how to protect her. We started off friendly - I liked her. Lots in common, interests, beliefs etc. Things got intimate fast and shes leaving very soon to her home state. I cant do long distance and she cant either. I got jealous, anxious all these things when I saw she was leaving and she still wants to be “friends”. But I cant see myself as someone as a friend after I have been intimate with her. She sends me messages, wishing me well. I cant respond now, otherwise its a circle.

I feel like it’s a waist, but her and many others have told me I am very pessimistic and I agree. I want to be positive and present positive vibes to others but I have no idea how. I tortured myself this weekend about how she could be out with someone else etc. as a result, I couldn’t sleep, eat, had panic attacks etc. My mind was racing and it was unhealthy. She tells me shes afraid to lose me as a friend but I cant deal with it.

Now, I will be without her - this past month I was out with her a lot. Without her, theres a drop in eventful things in my life. Idk what to do.

Ive doubted my height (5’7), my looks, etc. but I know because I have only relied on tinder/bumble apps I havent put myself out there in person. Which sucks, so I feel like I have missed out.

I currently take antidepressants and feel like I need to speak to a therapist.

Does anyone have advice?

 

Neither of those are crutches to nofap. I am determined to reboot completely.

I feel like the therapy will help my thought process of constant negative thoughts.

 

Any types of meditation you recommend?

To all - Am I illogical in my thinking with my feelings and such?

 

A therapist was a great help for me. I recommend them.

Just keep in mind that they are not all the same and they are expensive. If you have a therapist that isn’t a help, don’t hesitate to find a better one.