1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Thinking of ex too much

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by mjt23, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. mjt23

    mjt23 New Fapstronaut

    4
    0
    1
    Hey folks,

    Iv been in a tough situation, and would appreciate any advice you can offer.
    Im 22, and 18 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years (for ease I shall call her R). We had had a solid relationship,and were best friends as well as partners. We started arguing alot as we were spending time apart at different universities, and ended up breaking up. Due to the self esteem issues related to my then current porn addiction, I did little about it.

    About a year ago i discovered one of my friends had been trying to get her to sleep with him while me and R were still dating, despite having a girlfriend of his own. I also found out he was all over her as soon as we broke up. Because so much time had past, and due to my low confidence, I did nothing about it. Whenever I see R now (we have the same group of friends so its quite often) I end up thinking of the whole thing, especially the friend who tried to take from me, and end up thinking of her for days. I have become a much stronger and more confident bloke since then, and as it still angers me so much i often find myself struggling not to confront him/fight him at parties etc.

    I have a girlfriend now, and wev had a stable relationship. I realize that to bring up the past in such an emotionally charged manner could be seen as obsessive, but it troubles me that my weakness was taken advantage of without repercussion, now that i am in a position to deal with it.

    Apologies for the long post.
    Respect and love to you all!
     
  2. obsrac

    obsrac Fapstronaut

    79
    17
    8
    speaking from not only personal experience but from the wisdom of many successful men, never seek revenge on anyone. If someone has done something that hurts you or shows that they have significantly flawed character (like cheated on you, stolen, lied, etc.) then simply pay them no attention or remove them from your life.

    I know this sounds extreme, but I assure you that dwelling on these people and the things they have done will do you so much more harm. You have to be honest and decide if they are not providing any positivity in your life then you should focus your energy and time on people who do. It's that simple. Don't get angry, don't get petty, don't get frustrated, just move forward in a positive direction.

    I once had a girlfriend who broke up with me because I was too needy and for several other reasons. After, she started dating a new guy, who I suspect she may have cheated with while we were together, which made me very jealous and lowered my self-esteem more. I often thought about finding and fighting her new boyfriend (sounds stupid, doesn't it?). She would continue to try to get my attention for her own personal validation and, because I lacked confidence, I gave it to her in hopes she would change her mind. One day I snapped out of it, grew a spine, and recognized there was a serious problem, and the problem was actually me. I gained inner confidence, self-respect, got a new girlfriend that treated me with respect (because I commanded it), and wouldn't you know, my ex-girlfriend went nuts trying to get me back. I chose to completely ignored her because I knew I was better than that. I never sought to punish her - she was simply behaving how she was - but instead learned from it and moved on in a positive direction.

    I understand in your situation you have mutual friends and cannot go completely radio silent but do your best to not give your ex or this old friend of yours too much of your time or energy. Again, don't be petty, don't be butt-hurt, don't be passive aggressive, just be confident about who you chose to give your energy to.
     
    Jclear99 likes this.
  3. mjt23

    mjt23 New Fapstronaut

    4
    0
    1
    Cheers buddy, appreciate you taking the time!
     
  4. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

    606
    293
    63
    I can understand you.Saw my ex with her new guy.After 4 Months i still think about her.And i saw her today iam not sure if it was her because it was dark.But i trust my gut feeling.I looked at her 3seconds and went away...it was really strange for me.Its so sad you get together and know each other completly and then the person walks away like they never knew you.
     
  5. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

    631
    97
    43
    The best thing to do is let it go and move on. There are so many amazing women in the world. And so many better, more trustworthy guys to have as friends. The feelings will pass but it takes time for sure. Best of luck to you!
     
  6. "Whenever I see R now (we have the same group of friends so its quite often) I end up thinking of the whole thing, especially the friend who tried to take from me, and end up thinking of her for days"

    He was not your friend, he just wanted to get in your girls pants. The answer is simply stop contact fully and find new friends or arrange to meet them without her, it's simple really. You clearly aren't over her but then when you continue to see her how could you be?
     
  7. Gamer42

    Gamer42 Fapstronaut

    11
    0
    1
    Hey man, don't feel guilty. It's completely normal to think of your ex.
     
  8. Ramy

    Ramy Fapstronaut

    121
    3
    18
    No, it's not normal to think about your ex, it's weakness, buddy just think about you for a second, take a moment and look at yourself, being sad and needy and depressed and pathetic thinking about someone that is already gone and probably forgot all about you, the idea that you two broke up means that you two are over each other, you don't belong together any more, it's don't.. no need to think about it or regret it, and about the guy who gives a damn?, you already broke up with he, you know I would've told you to break his jaw if you were still dating her, but no she is not you concern now, the past is not your concern now, it's gone and it's over, and that guy will always exist in every relationship, he is a coward, he is a wuss, he hid what he felt from you because he didn't have the courage to face you back then, and after you left the girl he wants to have her, think of him as a dog that you throw it the leftover of your sandwich after you're full, relax man... stop thinking about the past, clear your mind, appreciate your present, your new gf, make her the happiest girl in the WHOLE WORLD, show her you'd give up on the world for her, prove to YOURSELF, your ex and the dog that you're happy ever after, you're in love with this new girl, you're treating her like a princess, you're living THE PERFECT life, do that NOW, and don't EVER say yo're thinking about your ex, KILL the past, whatever happened yesterday is DEAD. be strong.
     
  9. Sometimes its best to just move on.I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and I feel great.I probally did myself a favor and she as well.Once its done its done,if she is serving no purpose in your life or making your life better in any way move on.Just pretend that you are never gonna hear from her or see her again.I would suggest you and your girlfriend find a new group of friends with similar interest.Maybe you just need to avoid seeing her for a while until your feelings are gone.It will take some time,wish you the best of luck.
     

Share This Page